Return of the Secaucus Seven Page #8

...and it's uncertain,

right? It's exploratory.

It's like life.

Right. Exactly.

I mean, with country it's like you're being

told a story that you've heard before...

...but with progressive it's like you're

going into unknown territory. Exactly.

Are you in music too?

Drugs.

I get people off drugs.

-Oh, I-- -He specializes

in rock stars.

Isn't a major group in this country

that doesn't owe its health...

...and what's left of its gray

matter to my man Jeff here.

Mr. Cold Turkey, that's what they call

him in the business. It's a tribute.

-It's a living.

-He's handled all the big ones.

Did you know Jimi Hendrix?

Poor Jimi. You win some, you lose some.

Excuse me. I've gotta go to the....

Yeah. I should too.

All that beer.

Hey, hey, we'll hold

onto your seats for you.

-Where were they when we were 17?

-Where were they last Thursday?

Hey, hey, that was pretty good.

"Nuances of the central thematic idea."

-You know what they're doing in there?

-Number one or number two, most likely.

They are deciding who gets who and

they got number three on their minds.

Could be. I think you got

to Lee with your polyrhythms.

It's too weird.

Come on, Jeff, you gotta get

back in the ballgame sometime.

Not now. Not yet.

Okay, so we don't save their seats.

Hey, remember those two

girls at Skidmore that time?

Jeez, don't remind me.

-Another one, please.

-What was it?

-Oh, what the hell. Michelob.

-Sure.

Don't start with the Trilateral Commission,

that's like bringing in Hitler and the Jews.

Why not bring in Hitler and the Jews?

Or closer to home, how about Allende?

You're getting away from the point. Do

you not believe they're trying their best?

Either they're not trying or they're so

inefficient it doesn't make any difference.

We're not talking about efficiency,

we're talking about intention.

-They sincerely-- -Horseshit.

You want another beer?

-No, thanks.

-That's horseshit, Chip.

Carter has about as much

sincerity as Ford had brains.

I wish I could sing.

It's like he's got two lives, isn't it?

His music friends and his regular friends.

I've never met any of J.T.'s music friends.

I wonder if he acts any different with them.

I can't imagine J.T. acting

different with anybody.

All right.

-Sunday!

-Sunday!

Sunday!

At Washington Valley Speedway,

thrills, chills and spills!

-Nitro-burning funny cars. -Joey

Chitwood and his Auto Daredevils.

-With Big Daddy Ross.

-You'll laugh, you'll scream, you'll cry!

Sunday!

Dragsters burning rubber in

the biggest event of the season!

-Sunday!

-Sunday!

-Sunday!

-Howie!

-What?

-It's your wife. The hotel's been calling.

I gotta go. Catch you guys later.

Sunday.

Of course, the surgeons

are the biggest egotists.

They're the ones that have to

make everything a big drama.

-They make the most money, right?

-Right.

The ones going into surgery have already

picked out what color Mercedes they want.

Then you have the orthopedists.

Oh, you got some real jocks there.

That's bones, right?

Lots of, you know, skiers and

rugby players and ex-quarterbacks.

They'll be the team physicians...

...at the local colleges. In

addition to their practices.

-You got any future shrinks at your school?

-Oh, yeah. Mental cases, most of them.

On the depressive side.

Not nearly as weird, I'm sorry

to say, as the gynecologists.

-No sh*t.

-I don't know what it is...

...but the men going into ob-gyn?

It attracts some real

strange characters.

-What are you gonna be?

-Obstetrics.

Obstetrics. So, what are you like?

-You shouldn't say things like that.

-Why not? It's a compliment.

Yeah, I can't tell when you're

putting me on and when you're not.

I'm not now.

-Promise?

-Promise.

-I wanna believe you.

-Well, try it. What do you got to lose?

Close.

Can I have a gin and tonic?

-What do you do the rest of the year?

-Go to 7-11 and watch Popsicles melt.

Then in the fall, there's

a big crab lice roundup.

I mean for women.

-Where do you think we get the crab lice?

-I'm serious.

-Any women in town you see?

-No.

The ones still here are either

married or wise to me or both.

Do you ever think of moving away?

Well, I fix cars.

That's what I like to do.

In town, if somebody's engine

is running a little rough...

...brakes are shot, thing won't

start, they say, "Take it to Ron."

-Like the family doctor.

-Yeah, I guess you could say that.

But if I move somewhere else, a city...

...I'm just another guy

in a grease-monkey suit.

I mean, Mike, he got out of it.

He's got it made. Mike

was always different.

He said everybody looked up to you in

high school. You were sort of his idol.

I played sports. It was supposed to

be a big deal, but people knew better.

Did Mike really say that?

You wanna thumb wrestle?

I think I sprained it earlier.

You wanna tongue wrestle?

It's a legitimate event.

They got it on the Wild World of Sports.

Besides, it's a good way

to get to know each other.

-I know a few things about you.

-Name one.

I know that you got it

on with Irene last summer.

Well, see, you--

I got references.

Gin and tonic, please.

-A hotel?

-Yeah. The one Howie works at.

They always got extra rooms.

I'd invite you home but I

live with my aunt and uncle--

Oh, yeah.

So you wanna go?

Yeah, I think I do.

I shouldn't, but I think I do.

Oh, fantastic. We can

kill two birds, right?

Because I want you to look at this thing.

I wanna know if it's my "prostrate."

Just as long as you don't call me doc.

-Do you have any Lwenbru?

-Yeah.

-Could I see some identification, please?

-What?

So Jeff and I get put in the cell.

-We're the only politicals in there.

-This is Cambodia.

-No, the first time they bombed Hanoi.

-Right. There's this drunk driver...

...who's peed all over himself,

who's looking for his sister.

They're always looking for their sister.

There's these two black guys

who are high on something.

And there's this biker, not Hells

Angels, but something like it...

...comes over to us and

demands to know who we are.

So of course Jeff says,

"I'm Lenin, he's Trotsky."

The biker sneers and says

he doesn't like Polacks.

-So, we brought-- -I don't

give a sh*t what they think!

You had months to talk to me about

it, but you'd rather be depressed.

-That's not true.

-The hell it isn't.

You enjoy depression. You thrive

on it and live on it like a drug.

You're not happy until everybody

around you is hooked too.

I never promised everything

was gonna be light with me.

And I never promised I'd stay with you.

You won't commit yourself to anything

you might fail at. Like acting--

I lived with you for five f***ing years,

buddy. What the hell is that, puppy love?!

-Stop screaming.

-I will not stop screaming!

I can't talk to you if

you're flying off the handle--

When would you ever come and

ask me if I was depressed?

-Why didn't you come to me and complain?

-I complained about it all the time!

-All you ever did was make me feel guilty.

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