Reunion Page #5

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want to feel better about yourself.

That's like a starving man using

his last money on a lottery ticket.

But which would you prefer?

Dying slowly of hunger -

- or betting your last meal

on never having to starve again?

What if the lottery ticket is a blank?

Then he'll die for sure.

Thank God I'm not the one

giving that speech.

Sleeping Beauty

was a sight to see

sight to see, sight to see

Three little Indians

they went to town

played the fiddle

what a lovely sound

It'll be okay, Niels.

Yep. It's gonna be great.

All right, then.

Aren't you looking forward

to seeing them?

There are a few I could do without.

You could be there for the main course

and Hanne for the dessert.

- No, you should both be there.

- I'm not talking to her.

Is anyone not coming?

Lange won't be there.

He died last summer.

Lange? The guy who wore shorts

all year round?

He was at Tivoli Gardens

with his wife and kids.

And just like that

he fell dead from an embolism.

Jesus Christ ...

Had he bought a ride pass?

- What do you mean?

- That's a lot of money wasted.

- Are you feeling okay?

- Sure.

Have I ever told you

that I love you?

- Eva might be there.

- Big-butt Eva?

- Yes!

- Get off it, Niels.

That's the reunion clich

numero uno.

Trying to nail the girl

you never got to nail.

- Anything wrong with that?

- Just leave some girls for me.

I can't even feel

the hemorrhoids anymore.

Hiya.

It looks like everyone got sick

and sent their parents instead.

I just love this informal atmosphere.

Hold these. I'm gonna

say hello to everyone.

Hi there. Way to go.

- Hello, Niels.

- Ole!

So good to see you!

Remember physics class?

What do we do with these?

Tie 'em to Hanne and let her

float up under the ceiling -

- with her ass antlers, hoping that

someone'll shoot her down.

There you go.

- Love your music.

- Thanks.

I don't remember you

being in our class.

This might turn out okay after all.

Looking good!

But what about Laerke?

I'm back!

Buenos dias, homies.

I just spoke to Hanne.

So it's over between you two?

Oh well. We all need

a change of scenery once in a while.

Did you bag a wife, Niels,

or are you still obsessing about Eva?

Get a load of that. Big-butt Eva.

She can sit on my face any day.

- It's so good to see you, man.

- You too, Niels.

Easy, Niels ...

That's enough.

Evening, everybody, and welcome.

I'm your toast master for the evening.

I just hope that I can -

- do the job well enough to pass -

- according to

the new 13-scale.

Which stops at 12.

The food, as you can see,

is a buffet -

- so feel free to choose

whatever you'd like.

There will be entertainment

while we eat.

Among others things,

I've written a song.

And someone

has written a speech.

Maybe you should look

the speech over once more.

So you can nail all the ladies and

have me moon the elderly? No way.

Where is Eva?

Maybe we should ...

Whoopsy daisy!

Never mind, never mind.

- What the hell are you doing?

- It was for the nachos.

Are you out of your mind?

- It was an accident.

- It doesn't matter.

It looks like the Hulk

blew his load on you.

I'll just take off the shirt.

You're not taking it off here.

Just chill. There she is.

Niels, goddammit ...!

Andreas, you and Thomas

are my best buddies in the world.

I'll be back.

- Nice and clean.

- It's soaking wet.

You can't wear that. Have you

been smoking something or what?

No. It's just a rainy day pill

that Sanne gave me.

- Are you on E?

- I've no idea, but it's great.

Andreas, I haven't been this happy

since we won the Euro '92.

- You need to calm down.

- Can you buy 'em over the counter?

- Hi.

- Hi there.

You don't remember me?

Nope. I'm gonna need a hint.

What if I say ...

... the green mattress

in the gymnasium?

- Tine!

- No, Lulu, goddammit.

Lulu!

Have you met my daughter?

She's waiting tables tonight.

Your daughter?

And then we have two boys,

ages eight and twelve.

But they're not home-made,

they're adopted.

- That sounds kinda nice, actually.

- It really is. I'm happy.

Have you got any kids?

No, I've got a dog.

You know, on and off.

Oh, here you are.

Niels is on drugs.

- What?

- Drugs.

- Let's take this off.

- Is it better to be naked?

It's much better!

Pink is no good.

- What about ...

- Do I have to wear anything?

Hey, this one's mine.

Wow! This is so cool!

Come on.

Does he look a tiny bit gay?

Eva! Come sit over here

at the good table.

So good to see you.

What are you doing?

I was here first.

There's room for the both of us.

I'm totally gonna sit next to Eva.

But I'm not sitting next to you.

You're insane.

Eva, you look even more beautiful

than you did back then.

You're exaggerating.

But thanks, anyway.

- Are you married?

- No.

Got any kids?

A boyfriend?

- Not that either.

- Have you been hiding under a rock?

Maybe Andreas and I should

look over the speech, just in case.

No way, it's golden!

Here you go.

Great! A song!

Niels, you shouldn't mix ...

Relax, I've got it under control.

- You know what I could do?

- What?

If I nail Lulu's daughter ...

... I'd be scoring a hat-trick.

Then you'd have to

sleep with Lulu's mom, too.

- You bonked the granny?

- She wasn't a granny back then.

Look at her.

All right, she's gone.

I need a girlfriend so bad.

You know what?

You're totally ready for that.

- You think?

- Hell no.

This is our family getaway

on the Cte d'Azur.

Lemme just borrow this.

Andreas! Andreas!

- Take a look at this.

- I'm in the middle of something.

Tom is doing so well.

This is his summer home on the ...

- What was the name again?

- Cte d'Azur.

And there's his wife.

Isn't she just beautiful?

And those are real ones, too.

Niels, come on ...

Andreas ...

- He's not speaking to you.

- Right.

- That's very mature.

- I know. Isn't he the best?

- I just wanna know how he's doing.

- Andreas? He's doing great.

We've just had

the craziest night out.

What about you?

You must be doing pretty good -

- ever since you got rid of

his wrinkly old ass.

- I don't dislike his ass.

- Sure.

But Karsten's tight young ass

must be a bit better, right?

Just so you know, I didn't leave

Andreas because of his age.

I left because

we were miserable together.

Besides, he's the best father

in the whole world.

I'm back, everybody.

Before Niels Boedker

gives his reunion speech ...

... it's time for

some more entertainment ...

... of the professional variety.

Thomas is going to sing for us.

Would I be able to pull you today?

Yes or no?

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking:

"Who's that old hag in there?"

"I'm at least fifteen years younger

than that worn-out sack of sh*t."

I'm probably just tired.

Are you out of touch?

Afraid you can't score anymore?

You're wondering if you'll ever

get your self-confidence back.

This is where I step up

to help you.

- Have you seen Niels?

- No.

- Niels!

- Andreas, get up here.

Hold my sperm letter,

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