Revenge of the Bridesmaids Page #6

wine and Malibu rum.

That sounds bad.

Yep, it is bad.

It's been a long, bad night.

How about you?

How's your night been?

Really excellent.

Okay, well, then,

let's drink to really excellent evenings.

To really excellent evenings.

Paris threw me out.

What? No. Why?

I told her you were thinking of making

her Campus safety piece a series

and that I told you not to.

But why would you do that?

I don't know. It just came out.

We were fighting.

She was miserable and not sleeping

and just sitting at that craft table,

hot-gluing bead after bead after bead.

And then when I tried to take the glue gun

out of her hand, all hell broke loose.

Oh, boy.

She kicked me out, told me to leave.

I came here.

That sucks.

I drank a lot.

Love sucks.

Went and bought a car for that woman.

Me too.

Now I have to move out.

Me too.

You too, what?

I have to move out of Logan's apartment.

Why?

Because Logan had many,

many blondes for thanksgiving.

Sounds terrible.

Did you love him?

Yep.

It's terrible when you love 'em.

I don't know where I'm gonna go.

I'm staying with two guys who have

black-light posters on every single wall.

It's depressing.

You guys will get back together.

You and Paris are perfect for each other.

I mean, there's socks hanging everywhere.

I don't even know if they're clean socks.

They're just hanging.

I wonder what Paris is doing now.

I wonder how long till Logan

sleeps with somebody else.

Bet he already has.

Ohh, empty. Sad.

How we doing?

Fine.

We're fine.

I want to die.

I want more. You want more?

Uh-huh.

Oh, rats. I'm out of money.

I had to take a cab back from New York,

so of course I have no drinking money.

I've got money.

It's in something in my pants,

somewhere down here in this general area.

I'll hold still while you look.

No, that's okay. I'm gonna go.

Yeah? Okay.

I'll go, too.

Oh, bad move.

Bad, bad move.

Come on. I got you.

Doyle, use your feet.

It's cold.

I'm cold.

- You want my coat?

- Okay.

This is lovely.

Thank you.

Okay, well, thanks for the company.

Yeah, you too.

- Bye, Rory.

- Bye, Doyle.

Uh, Doyle? Doyle, what are you doing?

You were kissing my neck.

Oh, god, I was. I was kissing your neck.

And I was nuzzling, too.

There was definitely nuzzling.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.

And you used your tongue.

I just miss her so much.

Doyle, go home.

I don't have a home.

Yes, you do.

You have a home with black-light

posters and dirty socks.

I don't have a home.

Oh, right.

Night, Doyle.

Oh, my god, could this day get any worse?

Yeah?

Lor?

Ah, well, if it isn't Da Vinci's daddy.

How's the floor?

Very festive.

I'm sorry about that.

I'll have a floor guy come fix it.

Well, don't worry about it.

The house was too perfect.

Now it's lived-in.

Yeah, well...

You're awfully quiet.

G.G. got a gun on you or something?

I'm sorry, Lor.

Oh, Chris.

I was so far out of line.

Don't worry about it.

Everything you said, you were so right.

I hate when that happens.

G.G. is completely out of control.

I can't say no to her. I'm just--

I'm just so...

I don't know. I'm so mad at Sherry

for taking off like that.

I mean, who leaves a kid?

Well...

Yes, I know. I left a kid.

I tell you, Lor, I don't think I really

got how you felt about me until now

because I want to kill Sherry.

I never wanted to kill you.

I wanted to key your car-- which I did once,

by the way.

It's not right that G.G. doesn't get a mom.

It's not right that all she has is me.

What a super bargain that is.

Oh, Chris, come on.

I don't want her to feel like

she's missing anything.

I want her to be happy.

I know.

I can't get her into a school.

No one will take her.

They say she's uncontrollable and aggressive

and all sorts of other horrible-sounding

terms.

Well, school is overrated.

Ask Abraham Lincoln.

I suck as a dad.

No, you don't.

Look, I get the single-parent guilt,

but in the end, G.G. needs you to say no.

I know. I've ruined her.

You haven't ruined her. It's not too late.

You sure?

I'm positive. You can turn this around.

I know you can.

You're a great guy with a great heart.

You just need to be a little tougher.

Yeah.

I'll help you in any way I can.

I promise.

We'll fix this.

You're amazing, Lor.

Only in the true sense of the word.

Thanks for being around.

Any time.

- I got to...

- I know. Go.

Get the bowls and chopsticks out, guys.

Somebody pick a movie already.

I thought you were Hing Yee's.

Sorry.

What do you want?

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Fine.

Where is everybody?

I ordered food for 10,

and I didn't want the delivery guy

to look at me like I was a hog.

I don't need to display my

patheticness to the world.

You're not pathetic, Paris.

Doyle and I broke up.

I know. I sort of ran into Doyle earlier.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. He looked pretty upset.

I don't care.

Okay.

So, is that why you came over here--

'cause you heard that we broke up?

Well... yes.

You're a really good friend.

Oh, not really.

I throw you out, I treat you like dirt,

no one else can stand me,

but you come over to make sure I'm all right.

Well, Paris?

Yeah?

In the name of full disclosure,

I should tell you--

Logan and I broke up, too, today.

I'm moving out.

How come?

He cheated on me...

with an entire wedding party.

Oh.

Nice.

Yeah.

Men suck.

They do suck.

Can't count on them.

They never have your back.

No, they don't.

They make you love them,

and then they let you down,

and you're walking around with a stomachache

for the next six months.

Is that how long it lasts?

I don't know.

I hope it's only six months.

Yeah, me too.

You can stay here-- you know, if you want.

Really?

Sure.

Take my room if you want.

I've been sleeping at my crafts table lately.

Thanks, Paris.

Sure.

Hungry?

I got food coming.

Starving.

Hey, I just realized--

when the food arrives, now I really

can ask someone to get the bowls.

Silver lining, huh?

Sure is.

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

Hey, you! How was the wedding?

Sucko. I've got a new address for you.

Uh-oh.

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