Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise Page #6

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- History? Whoa! No!

Help!

I can't swim! Man overboard! Hey!

Guys! Ogre's drowning!

(Ogre) Come on! Help!

I can't swim! Oh, God! I'm sinking now!

Wow.

- I'm gonna die!

- Ogre. Ogre.

Just relax. Relax.

- Oh!

- Relax.

- I'll pull you.

- You're a strong little guy.

- Ogre, I'll pull you. Just relax.

- Swim faster!

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I thought I was gonna die.

You're a strong swimmer.

Wow.

What? Let me go, you fruit. I carried you

this far. You work your way in on your own.

(Wormser) But I saved your life!

(Tiny) See you at the convention!

- Are you all right, Harold?

- Piece of cake.

Hey, what are you geeks looking at?

Those guys just dropped me off to nerd-sit.

Boy, this is great.

The perfect ending of the Tri-Lambs.

Even on a deserted island

we got somebody callin' us geeks.

Oh, we're gonna do great things

at this convention.

I don't know what the hell

I was thinking. We are geeks.

I mean, look at us. We're not like

anybody else and we never will be.

- Ah, Lewis!

- Lewis!

- So, what do we do now?

- (Poindexter) Maybe we should build a fire.

Split up. Let's find some wood.

Come on, Worm.

Don't even get me started, Wormser.

We're gonna be here till you're old and grey.

Damn Alpha Betas!

Just my freaking luck.

Bush.

We've got bush!

Would you mind if I sit here for a while?

It's getting pretty cold on the beach.

- (Stewart) Sure, come on down.

- (Booger) Have a seat.

Uh...

- (coughs)

- (Ogre grunts)

Why not?

- You want a hit?

- Me?

- Yes, you. Come on.

- Sure.

You don't mind?

(coughs)

So, what you're saying, essentially,

is that along with infinite space,

which extends beyond perpetual bigness,

there's also infinite smallness?

How?

Easy.

Take an asymptotic line

and extend it outward.

Oh. Right, right, right.

So perpetual bigness exists simultaneously

with perpetual smallness.

What was I thinking?

(coughs)

What if c-a-t really spelled "dog"?

- Wow.

- Yeah.

That's heavy, Ogre.

- Dog.

- Wow.

Kind of a bummer, huh?

- Gilbert?

- Hello, Lewis.

- How did you get here?

- Don't ask me. It's your dream.

- I woke up.

- No, you dreamed you woke up.

Ow!

Ow! Well, thanks a lot, Gilbert.

I was dreaming about three naked girls.

I know, Lewis, and I'm a little shocked.

- Come on, Lewis.

- Come on.

Don't even think about it. You're still

dreaming. You're not awake. Look.

(snores)

Wow. Hey, what do you know, Gilbert?

I know you're acting like a complete weenie.

What happened to the old Lewis?

Well, he got dropped on a deserted island

with Ogre, of all people.

Those people think we're a bunch

of nerds and I think they're right.

It doesn't matter what they think, Lewis.

It only matters what you think.

Did you forget everything

we learned at Adams? Come here.

Now, what do we have here?

We have a great group of guys.

But they need someone to make them feel

proud about themselves, not ashamed.

She's not one of the guys, Gilbert.

- She betrayed me.

- (mimics) She betrayed me.

- She did!

- Lewis, use your brain.

She wouldn't be here

if she didn't care about you.

(snoring)

- Hey, will you keep it down?

- (snores)

I don't wanna wake me up. Gilbert's my best

friend and this is an important dream.

You guys know that.

Listen, Lewis. She's a great girl.

You're a great guy.

If she doesn't like you for who you are,

she's not good enough for you.

- I know that. How do you know that?

- I don't know that. You know that.

- I know that.

- I'm not Gilbert, just your image of Gilbert.

Gilbert, stick to the subject. I don't know

how long you're gonna be here for.

I'm sorry. The subject is,

you're acting like a weenie.

- I am.

- But it's not too late.

We've gotta get off this island. Those guys

are gonna vote us out of existence.

- You've gotta get outta here.

- Yeah.

Now, time is running short.

Your course is clear, Lewis. You look great.

I believe in you.

- What happens now, Gilbert?

- Well, now you gotta wake up.

So I gotta go.

It doesn't always work.

(braying laugh)

See ya.

- So long.

- Night, guys.

(snoring)

(Lewis) Gentlemen, awaken!

Let's go! Come on! Up!

Everybody up! Move your butts!

- Sunny. Sunny, I'm sorry.

- What?

Come on, please, Sunny.

I've been ignorant and proud.

- You have.

- Yeah. Well, can you forgive me?

Real ignorant and proud.

I know, but they're gonna vote us

out of existence. We can't let that happen.

The vote is in six hours.

We're stranded here. What do you want?

Whenever you have a small group of people

with an aggregate lQ of over 1,000,

anything's possible.

- (Ogre) Amen.

- Yeah. So, who's with me?

- I am.

- All right!

Enough of the hugging. Let's go kill 'em.

(Wormser) We have

to determine our location.

Well, given our travel time

of 122 minutes and 47 seconds,

and a headwind of 14.7 knots,

if we take the crossvariables,

factor out the constants,

that's two degrees times by two kilometres.

That'd be two plus two. That would be...

Four! Four!

Right. Well, that means

that we are no more than...

44.74 miles from

the southernmost tip of Florida.

Just a little to the left. OK. Stop.

A little to the right. OK.

See, the angle of the sun will pinpoint

our exact latitude and longitude.

OK, stop. Now a little to the left.

Wormser!

22.3.

- Rodriguez lsland.

- Frederico Rodriguez?

What was he?

An old boyfriend or something?

(Sunny) General Rodriguez stole military

supplies from Castro during the Bay of Pigs.

He hid them on his island - this island.

- (nerds) This island?

- Yeah.

- And they never found the stuff?

- No.

- There must be tons of sh*t around here.

- If your calculations are correct.

(Lewis) Wow, military supplies. Now all we

gotta do is find the stuff. Right, Poindexter?

(Poindexter) OK. Tell me again what you did.

(Stewart) I ionised the coconut milk

and de-ionised the sea water,

using your glasses to distil

the silica from the sand.

And then I reversed the polarity

of the magnetisation.

- It's pretty crude, but it just might work.

- Gee, I hope it works.

(Ogre) You guys built this thing.

Too bad you can't carry it yourselves.

- (Poindexter) Ogre, sh.

- Come on, geek. I'm carrying this thing.

(tapping)

(tapping speeds up)

Loud?

- Spread out! Spread out!

- Let's look for it, guys.

- Hey, you guys! I found a cable!

- So did we.

Uh-oh!

- Hey! Geek! Geek!

- Sh!

(Poindexter screams)

(Ogre groans)

Hey, guys. Bingo!

(Lewis) Hey, Booger.

Booger, come here, man. Check this out.

- What the hell is it?

- I don't know but there is a whole lot of it.

Could be our ticket out.

And now the last order of business

before we close this convention.

As many of you already know,

the Adams College chapter of Lambda

Lambda Lambda disgraced itself yesterday

by being arrested on a charge

of grand theft auto.

Pursuant to the recently adopted

constitutional amendment,

we must now vote on whether to expel

those Lambdas from the conference

and to terminate its national charter.

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