Richard Pryor ...Here and Now Page #4

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I said, ''Boy, I'm gonna

tear this p*ssy up.''

And she got in. I got ready

to get on top of her. She said...

''Oh, we're not going to f***.''

And I always be thinking

about my career or somethin'.

I don't want to be f***ing around,

end up in the paper.

''Man Tries to Take P*ssy.''

You know, 'cause that's low-down.

I don't wanna be like that.

I don't want nobody say that--

Ha ha, made you move.

Stole the seat, had to move.

April fool.

Right? You know.

But I don't wonder why women don't say

that thing before your dick get hard.

You know, when they get to the hotel:

''We're not f***ing.''

Thank you. And I tell my dick.

''We're not gonna f***.

So be cool, right?

It's just some bullshit conversation

till some p*ssy come along.

So shut up.''

But they wait till your dick

hard enough to cut diamonds.

Then they be talking about,

''We're not going to f***.''

''Listen, what am I

gonna do with this?

I will beat your brains out

with this!

What do you mean?''

I was readin' something

in the paper or--

What, Libya?

Are we fighting Libya yet

or somethin'? I don't know.

I was hearing it on the news,

something about Libya, Khadafy.

- And Chad.

- Chad.

Motherf***er going somewhere to die,

don't even know the name of it.

We're going to Chad

We're going to Chad

They start shootin', you say,

Get the f*** out of here

That's funny. America used to be

a different kind of country...

like we didn't f***

with people smaller than us and sh*t.

You know, but now,

I mean, little Libya and sh*t.

Look like America go,

''Shut the f*** up!

Just sit your ass down

somewhere.

Don't you be f***in' around.

Just shut up, motherf***er.''

But Americans act like

they take that sh*t serious...

like little Libya

gonna kick our ass.

''Shut the f*** up,

goddamn it.''

I remember when America used to be

that kind of country, right?

We didn't f*** with nobody.

Now we be f***in' with people

in El Salvador and sh*t.

How we gonna lose?

Thirty-five people in El Salvador.

Right? We be sending

advisors and sh*t, right?

''That's how it goes, pal.

Take my advice

and do it that way.''

I don't know-- 'Cause this is the

greatest country in the world, right?

Man, we ain't supposed

to be f***in' with nobody.

Have any of you ever been to Africa,

back to the motherland?

That's something. One person held

their hand up, way in the back.

Two. You came from there, motherf***er.

You ain't bullshittin'.

No. It's something.

I had big fun. I went to Zimbabwe.

And it's a new country, right?

It's about three years old now.

It used to be Rhodesia before they

killed all them white motherfuckers.

It's the only country I've been

to black people kicked ass over there.

Seven years they killed

motherfuckers,Jack.

They happy too.

You walk down the street,

they're just smiling.

''Hello. Oh, they don't

f*** with us no more, no.''

I was over there with some

American brothers, man.

I met an American brother.

He came over there on vacation.

He called home and said,

''B*tch, sell all the sh*t.

I ain't never coming back

to that mother.

Sell my motorcycle

and my shirt.

Bring your ass on.''

We had a good time. We was sitting

around talking, about four Americans.

We talked about five hours.

Talked about some good sh*t, right?

And an African man asked us,

we was talking, and he said...

''What language

do you speak at home?''

You know, we looked

at each other, you know.

''What? English?''

''Everybody speak English, but what

language you speak when you're home?''

One of the brothers

looked at him and say, ''Uh,jive?''

'Cause I guess that's right.

Right? You know.

I don't know where in the f***

I came from over there.

No, it's just a nice feeling. I know

how white people feel in America now.

Relaxed.

That's right, 'cause you hear

like a police car coming...

you know it ain't

coming after your ass.

Right? You just--

''I wish they'd keep

that goddamn noise down.''

I hear it, I wake up automatically,

start thinking about sh*t I did.

''What the motherf***er done?

Oh, sh*t, let me see.''

Till they go by, I say,

''Sh*t, oh, it ain't me.''

In Africa, though, I had that

feeling, man. I just was comfortable.

I knew the police wasn't

going to be f***ing with me...

unless the government

changed overnight.

That's a good feeling though.

You can go out.

We went out into the bush and stayed--

That's like the country, you know.

That's where you see

the animals and sh*t...

'cause the city's

just like anyplace else.

But you go out

in the country--

You see some lions and sh*t.

I'm talking about real lions.

Not them kind you be

f***ing with in the zoo.

You know how you go f***ing with

the lion. ''Hey, lion, motherf***er.''

Be throwing sh*t at it.

Lion be, ''Hey!''

You don't throw sh*t

at them real lions, boy.

If they don't eat it,

they kick your ass.

And somebody always wanna

go up and f*** with the lions.

Tourists always want--

''Oh, George, stop here.

Look at those lions.

I've got to go stand next to them.''

And the lions snapped

all the ass off of'em.

George would be grinning

and sh*t, talkin' about--

''Wanna try that again, dear?

I didn't get that one.''

We saw-- I saw a lion

kill a water buffalo.

Two women lion

killed him dead...

and the male lion come to eat,

chasing them away, right?

He come to eat, and we went to take

a picture, and he didn't like it.

And he bent down and picked

the water buffalo up by its nuts.

He picked it up by its nuts,

threw it over its head.

Turned his ass to us. You know, it

was like, ''Take a picture of that.''

Every place I go though, man,

everybody I meet, they wanna come here.

They wanna come to America,

all the three countries I've been to.

I don't wanna sound

like I've been everywhere.

You start talking to 'em,

and they start talking about America.

And it makes your dick hard

for America.

They do. They finish talking,

you be saying...

''Sh*t. I gotta get my ass

back there.

We got all that sh*t

in America?''

''Yes, you can eat

I say, ''Yeah,

that motherf***er right.''

You got some money or a pistol,

you can get something to eat.

But in Africa, man, if after 9:00,

if you haven't eaten...

that's your ass

till in the morning.

You just be hungry,

even with a pistol.

There ain't nothin' to hold up.

You'd be going, ''Stick 'em up.''

''What you gonna stick up?

We got nothin' to steal.

Why don't you go out in the bush,

f*** with them lions?''

And in the country, it's nice,

like if you go somewhere like--

you know, you go on tours,

like tourist hotel.

And you'd be in the hotel,

bunch of tourists and sh*t.

And early in the morning, you hear some

of the warriors come back from hunting.

You hear 'em out there

singing in the night.

That sh*t'll

wake you up too,Jack.

You'll be asleep--

You go outside to see that sh*t,

see about a hundred dudes coming back.

It'd be beautiful, man. And white people

start asking you questions then.

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