Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip Page #3

---

And thank God we got penitentiaries.

I asked this one. "Why did you

kill everybody in the house?"

The guy said, "They was home."

I mean. Murderers.

Do you hear me?

Real. Live murderers.

I thought black people

killed people by accident.

No. These motherfuckers was murderers.

I met one brother. His name was J-Bone.

Motherf***er could lift weights.

He was in charge.

Muscles every-motherfuckin'-where.

He was doing a sentence...

triple life.

How in the f***

do you do triple life?

I mean. That mean

if he die and come back...

he got to go to the penitentiary.

Right?

They'll say, "F*** kindergarten.

Get your little ass back

in the penitentiary. Motherf***er.

You know what you did

last time you was here."

And Gene Wilder loved to jump

in the middle of the killers...

and start talkin'.

"Hi. Guys. How you doin'?"

I said. "Gene.

Bring your ass out of there."

"What do you think they'd do to us if we

were here. Rich?" I'd say. "F*** us."

And Gene would say.

"I'm not homosexual."

"Homosexual ain't got nothin'

to do with it.

They don't f*** you

'cause you like it.

They just f*** you just to see

that look on your face."

I met one dude...

kidnap, murder tour times.

I thought three times.

That was your ass. Right?

No. I said. "What happened?"

"I can't get the sh*t right.

But I'm gettin' paroled in two years.

Brother Rich.

I'm gonna fire it up.

I got some contacts outside.

You know what I mean?"

I said, "Yeah, I know what you mean."

See. I wanna know when

this motherf***er gettin' out...

who he gonna be with.

And it I see him in my neighborhood.

I'm just gonna shoot the motherf***er.

'Cause I do not want to be kidnapped.

Take no chance no motherf***er

callin' up my wife...

talkin' about sendin' some money.

'Cause that's really my ass.

"Well. Don't f*** up the suit.

That's what we gonna bury him in."

I'm gonna take my chances. 'cause...

Damn if I'm gonna be kidnapped,

puttin' my hands behind my back.

They always like to make you put

your hands behind your back and sh*t...

and then f*** with you

a little while.

I say, "No. Motherf***er.

Blow my face oft with the shotgun...

while I got my hands on your nuts."

So there'll be some evidence. Right?

The police come in:

"Open his hand.

Well, this guy's

gonna be easy to find.

He's gonna show up to the hospital

sooner or later."

They always put that shotgun on you.

You ain't got to do sh*t.

That's easy to say.

But in real life we all know...

a shotgun. Your hand will

automatically jump behind your back.

Even it you don't want it to.

Your hand will say. "F*** you!

It's a shotgun. A**hole!

Give me that rope.

I'll tie myself.

Is this a good knot?"

Everybody like to be brave

in the real situation. Right?

But we ain't so brave sometimes,

you know?

Sometimes you be brave.

Most of the time. We just ordinary...

hope we don't get in no situation

where you have to be brave.

That's how the Nazis

f***ed over people.

'Cause most people are basically decent.

Them Nazis just run over motherfuckers.

Black people always say.

"I'd have told them Nazis..."

You wouldn't have

told them Nazis sh*t.

'Cause them motherfuckers didn't play.

You'd be out there talkin' about...

"Hey. Motherf***er! Mr. Nazi!"

"What is this?"

"Oh, nothin', just. Uh...

Just f***in' around. Jack.

Like them boots you got on. Hom."

And in the penitentiary.

They got all them racist groups.

They got the white groups.

They act like they're in New York.

They got the Nazi party and the...

What do they call it?

The Klu Klux Klan.

The Mexicans got them gangs

you can't pronounce the names.

And they don't wear no shirts.

The black people got the Mau Maus

and the Muslims, Double Muslims.

Them's the ones you don't f*** with...

them Double Muslims.

'Cause them motherfuckers

can't wait to get to Allah...

and want to take

eight or nine motherfuckers with them.

I used to be a thief,

and I wasn't very good.

I always got caught.

I would steal from neighbors.

I wouldn't take no chances

on gettin' caught too far from home.

I'd go over to the neighbors' house.

Wipe them motherfuckers out.

I paid them all back now.

I try to go back to Peoria.

I'm ashamed of myself. "Miss Johnson.

I'm sorry I bust in your house."

"I knew it was you, boy."

I don't know why I would steal.

My grandfather was in business.

My family was in business.

My grandmother owned. Like,

three or tour brothels.

My grandfather had a pool hall

called "Pops Pool Room."

My uncle had a pool room.

So there was money in the family.

I was a lucky black child...

'cause I never went through

no hard times.

It was hard. If you wasn't poor.

You couldn't get no p*ssy.

They say, "We f*** just to

keep our minds off eatin'."

I live in Hawaii in a place...

I wanted to go to a place where there

was no people. And I found the place.

There's 500 people live where I live.

And they're brown.

I like that because

you can sleep at night.

'Cause you live around white people

in the country, anything can happen.

Not that I don't trust white people.

It's just in the night.

You know what I mean?

Something happens to white people

when you start drinkin'...

and when you hear one of

them motherfuckers go. "Yee-haw!"

You know what I mean?

It makes the hair

on the back of my neck stand up...

'cause I know what's next.

That "yee-haw" means get a rope

and get a black motherf***er.

"Why do they have the greatest

kind of resistance against a rope?

You can lasso a white guy.

He won't do nothin'.

Black one. They kinda jerk away."

I like those guys:

"You wanna sign this tor my sister?"

"Hey. Buddy, you wanna kiss my girl?

But not on the lips."

I say, "Okay."

Racism is a b*tch.

White people, you gotta know.

It fucks you up. But what it does

to black people is a b*tch.

It's hard enough being a human being.

It's really f***in' hard enough

just to be that.

Just to go through everyday life

without murdering a motherf***er.

It's hard enough just to walk

through life decent. As a person.

But here is another element

added to it when you're black.

Them mothers got

that little edge on us.

It's enough to make you crazy.

'Cause it you're in an argument

with another man...

he may be white,

but it's man on man for a minute... -

and the sh*t get rough.

He end up calling you "n*gger."

You go, "Oh. Sh*t.

F***.

Now I ain't no man no more.

I'm n*gger now.

I got to argue with that sh*t...

and. f***.

Throw my balance all off now."

It's an ugly thing. I hope that someday

they give it up. 'cause it don't work.

It's nice to have pride

about your sh*t.

I went home to the motherland.

Everybody should go home. To Africa.

Everybody, especially black people.

Really, man, there is

so much to see there...

tor the eye and the heart

of the black people.

White people. You'll go there

and you'll get ideas.

"Well. That's the way black people

in America should be...

walking around with sticks."

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes