Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip Page #5

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And I don't want them hip white people

calling me no n*gger...

or telling me n*gger jokes.

I don't like it.

I'm just fellin' you

it's uncomfortable to me.

I don't like it

when black people say it to me.

I really don't no more.

It's nothin'. It don't mean nothin'.

So I love you all,

and you can take that with you.

I guess you all say...

I think the only brave thing

I might have ever done in my life...

was once I worked

at a Mafia nightclub.

Out in Youngstown. Ohio.

I was 19.

I was 19 years old. Right?

And I didn't know sh*t about the Mafia.

My father was the baddest motherf***er

I had ever seen.

So the Mafia didn't mean sh*t to me.

I did not relate to the Mafia.

I worked with this lady. Satin Doll.

She was the star of the show.

Beautiful black stripper. Right?

'Cause usually in those days...

in clubs they had a singer

and a stripper and a M.C.

I was the M.C., and she was

the first black star I ever met.

Duke Ellington had written

a tune about her.

That's what she used to

dance to and act.

She was beautiful.

She was 60 then.

Oh. This b*tch was fine though. Man.

I'm not lyin'.

Lena Horne didn't have sh*t on her.

And she was cryin' backstage...

"I gotta get to Buffalo.

They won't pay me."

I said, "Who won't pay you?"

"Club owners."

I said. "Oh, them motherfuckers

are gonna pay me. Bet that."

This is how ignorant I was.

I had a cap pistol.

You know. Them blank starter pistols.

I busted into the office with this

motherf***er. Talkin' about...

"All right. Give me the money.

Motherf***er!"

Doing my best black sh*t. You know.

You know. That sh*t

usually scare whitey to death.

And these motherfuckers

didn't do nothin'.

I'm sure that those men...

are sitting in that room today.

Laughing.

'Cause that's what this dude...

He just started to laugh.

"This f***in' kid.

Wait a minute.

Hey. Tony. Come here.

Rich. Do the gun again.

Hey. Tony. Come here.

Stickup!

This f***in' kid! Come here.

Come here, you f***in' kid.

He's got a pair

of gagoozies on him, huh?

F***in' kid. Come here. Goddamn."

They like to hug you and rub you.

"Come here."

And grab your face.

"This f***in' kid's got

some gazoolas."

And they always say sh*t

you don't understand.

"Hey. You wanna go...

Hey. Paulo. Tix him a little...

Put some struzi on it.

Fry it up.

They like fried foods.

F***in' kid, huh?

He come in here. Had a gun,

the f***in' kid. Huh?

Pay everybody oft.

Pay 'em off. It's all right."

They paid everybody off,

let everybody go and kept me.

Like a pet.

"I f***in' like this kid.

You got family?

Well. You got family now.

Who is it, Carmine?

Tell him I call him back.

Tell him it's a stickup."

Then these motherfuckers

start tellin' murder stories.

"Hey. You remember when Oozie...

Remember when I made my f***in' bones?

Me, I had to go away.

It was Cleveland, right?

F***in' teamster. Big mouth.

Hurt a lot of people. Right?

You know, ice pick's my thing, Rich.

So we f***in' had to drive down.

Me, Johnny Salami...

the Gaboozo brothers.

They own a funeral parlor.

'You carry. We bury.'

Come here, you f***in' kid.

So we take this jerk-off

out bowling, you know.

Drive him around.

Get him a few drinks.

'Hey, let's get some broads. Right? '

A little motel we had set up.

You remember that, Johnny?

So. We take him around.

He gets kinda stoned. Drops his glass.

I say, 'Now.' I pop him

with the f***in' ice pick. Right?

I'm poppin' this cocksucker.

Blood's squirting every which way.

He says,

'Oh. God! Don't kill me! '

'Oh. f*** you.

You guinea cocksucker.'

And the f***in' ice pick breaks.

I'm standin' there with

a f***in' piece of wood in my hand!

I said,

'Johnny Salami. What do I do? '

Johnny says,

'Wait till it melts, a**hole.'

Those were the good old days.

What's the matter. Rich?

You don't look so good.

Hey, Paulo, give him a little...

You got a way home.

Or do you want us to give you a ride?"

Don't go out with the Mafia.

'Cause you can't buy 'em dinner.

They always like to take

entertainers to dinner.

They take you to dinner,

and they pick up the check all the time.

And it you get mad, you say,

"Let me buy the check tonight.

Goddamn it. You guys

buy me dinner every night."

"Hey, kid, let me tell you somethin'.

We're crime...

and crime don't pay."

The Mafia people are weird people,

'cause they appeal...

They appeal to your intellect.

They do.

Them motherfuckers' appeal says...

"You're an intelligent person.

Aren't you?

And you realize that

it's very difficult...

to walk without knees."

And one time I was in a room

with one of these motherfuckers...

and I don't know how to describe...

You ever seen a face

just turn to stone?

I mean. I was talkin' to the man.

And somebody was over here...

talkin' about something

that had pissed him off...

that he was gonna deal with... and it

went from a nice conversation with me...

A stone thing came over his face.

It was like...

And a chill went through

my f***in' body.

I said. "This motherf***er's dead.

I'm lookin' at a dead man

that walks around."

'Cause it was just stone, man.

There wasn't no compromise.

There was nothin' in there

where you could go...

There was none of that in the face.

I said...

"Boy, that's a look I'd like to get,

just to whip on a motherf***er."

You know. Just say. "What?"

Remember that in The Godfather?

That to me was the most chilling line

in the world. When the guy said...

"Hey. Could you let me off?

Just tor old time's sake?"

And the guy said...

Boy. That had to be

the coldest sh*t in the world.

And you gotta get

in the car with him.

Then you got to beg

some more in the car.

You ain't gonna stop beggin'. As long

as he's got breath in his body.

You get in the car.

He's talkin' about, "Hey. Jack.

I remember when

I showed you how to drive."

Jack be goin'...

All Italian people are not in the Mafia.

Whether you believe it or not.

They're not. Really.

Most of them work for the Mafia.

But they're all not in the Mafia.

What?

- Do what?

- Mudbone, Richie!

All right, this is the last time

Mudbone will be seen anywhere.

This is Mudbone's last show.

Ladies and gentlemen,

from Tupelo. Mississippi. Mudbone.

You know...

Now, I know that boy.

See. He f***ed up.

See. That tire got on his ass...

and it f***ed him up upstairs.

Fried up what little brains he had.

'Cause I remember the motherf***er.

He could make a motherf***er laugh...

at a funeral on Sunday.

Christmas day.

But you know what happened?

He got some money.

That's what happened.

He got some money!

Them missed meal cramps and sh*t

was gone. He said. "F*** it."

Went all the way crazy.

Sh*t, now me? I'm still hungry.

See. I'm gonna be out here

four days and six months.

I watched this boy, Rich.

He used to come by.

Leave me a dollar here.

Fifty cents there.

He was all right, you know.

He would never lend me five. Though.

But he let me have

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