Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip Page #6

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them two's and tews. You know.

So I felt tor the boy.

I went over there and talked to him.

And he ignorant. 'cause

I sit down to talk to him...

You don't let him get

none of that powder in his nose.

That's like tryin' to talk

to a baboon's ass.

I talked to the boy

seven days and seven nights.

He was still on the same subject.

"Where can I get some more?"

So I talked to him. You know.

I said...

"Boy, why don't you

do something with yourself?

Since religion ain't your thing...

maybe you take up ballet."

It makes me laugh, thinkin' about it.

I told him,

"Cause you gonna be black a long time.

So you might as well

enjoy yourself...

'cause there ain't many black

motherfuckers out there doin' it."

He said, "Don't stop now."

I said. "Don't lighten up. Tighten up."

That's what I told him.

And he must have listened to me.

He was gonna register to vote.

I knew he was sick then.

So. Listen.

I'm not gonna steal the show

from the boy.

I ain't gonna do that.

So, I'm gonna...

The boy got the camera.

Only white folks can do that.

And they make it look

like such a mystery.

They never let no black people

do no sh*t like that.

The only time you see black people

doing some of that sh*t...

is when they want the plug plugged in.

"Say, boy. Plug that in."

That's how you be sayin'.

"I works on the camera crew."

I say. "What you do?"

"Plug in the thing."

I say. "A monkey can do that."

Guess that's why they hired him.

See, I've lived through

hard times before.

People talk about these

as hard times.

Hard times was way back.

They didn't even have a year for it.

Just called it "Hard Times."

It was dark all the time.

I think the sun

came out on Wednesday.

And it you didn't have

your ass up early. You missed it.

So I happened to be

out there one Wednesday...

and the sun

hit me right in the face.

I grabbed a bunch of it

and rubbed it all over myself.

Sh*t. I didn't have nothin' else.

Might as well have some sun on my face.

And as time went on.

I remembered it was Thursday.

I said. "Damn. That sun was a b*tch.

That's why they didn't want us

to have none of it."

'Cause it'd cheer you up inside.

You see.

So I got all cheered up...

and went out on a date.

Lucinda Belle Mae.

The girl was pretty.

Coal black.

Her skin was tender...

like a baby's butt.

Her sweet breasts smelled

like Carnation milk.

That's how tender she was.

I liked her, too, you see.

She had a little liking to me.

So Lucinda...

We'd have to tip away.

We'd go up and do a little kissin'

up in the apple orchard.

We'd tip away together

on Wednesday mornin'...

when the sun was up.

We'd get up there. I'd make her

put a little on her face...

and she relaxed.

When she relaxed.

I started rubbin' all over her.

Women like when you rub on 'em...

if you rub 'em

in them right spots. You know.

You got to rub 'em right there.

Right on the inside of her leg

by the kneecap. Rub 'em right there.

And you rub it around

until it starts burnin'.

They open up then. Boy.

'Cause there ain't but two pieces

of p*ssy you're gonna get in your life.

That's your first and your last.

And all that sh*t

in between don't count.

That's just the extra gravy.

They say. "When's the last time

you got some p*ssy?"

I say. "Yesterday. That's as tar

as I want to remember it."

I don't want to sit around.

Some motherf***er ask me...

"How long you had some p*ssy?"

I go...

I don't want to live that long.

What I'm sayin'...

What the point I'm tryin' to make is...

that there is no point to be made.

That's all that there is.

There ain't no point to it.

'Cause you didn't ask to come

to this motherf***er...

and you sure can't choose

how to leave.

'Cause you don't know

when you're gonna go.

So don't take this sh*t serious You

better have some tun and plenty of it.

'Cause when the sh*t old and you ask

for a recharge, it's too late.

So all I can say is

keep some sunshine on your face.

I was up in Oakland

with some old friends.

I mean, motherfuckers

I've known a long time.

And I have changed

as a person inside, right?

There was an old dope dealer.

Motherf***er used to...

I used to follow him around for dope.

And I always paid him. But it was

always on credit or something...

and the motherf***er acted

like I was one of his pets.

I started saying, "Wait, motherf***er.

I paid tor the dope.

I didn't live at your house.

I had my own apartment."

But he was acting

like I was one of his b*tches...

and then. You know.

He got real mad...

'cause I fired on his ass.

I say, "No. Motherf***er,

I wasn't never like that."

I had my shirt oft

and I was sitting on the couch...

and suddenly he says

something about...

When you signify.

Motherf***er gets vicious.

"What about them burned-up rings

around your neck, motherf***er?"

And it hit me 'cause I had never

thought of myself like that...

'cause I said.

"Yeah, I've been burnt up."

It never had hit me

like it hit him.

I said,

"Yeah, I been burnt the f*** up."

'Cause most people I meet.

I act like I ain't burned up...

they do too.

The motherf***er sneaks a peek.

"A nice tattoo you have...

all over your body."

I guess y'all say.

"F*** all that. How'd you burn up?"

You say. "How'd you burn up

in your own house. Motherf***er?"

I know y'all heard all kind of stories

about how I burned up basin' this...

and ether that.

None of that sh*t

got nothing to do with that.

I'm gonna tell y'all

the truth tonight.

You got to promise

not to tell nobody.

- Can I trust ya?

- Yeah!

You're some lyin' motherfuckers.

All my friends know this to be true

'cause everybody knows me.

Usually before I go to bed.

I have milk and cookies.

And one night.

I had some low-tat milk...

and some pasteurized...

and I mixed them together...

and I dipped my cookie,

and the sh*t blew up.

I mean, the damnedest thing

I've ever heard of in my life.

Medical history was made.

A lot of people say sh*t.

I think about sh*t.

Why do people think...

All the people you ever heard

of freebasin'...

have you ever heard

of anybody blowin' up?

Why me?

Ten million motherfuckers freebase,

I gotta blow up.

I'm talking about... I started out

smoking freebase. It was like...

I started out one time.

And I should've known

something bad was going to happen...

because I remember

the first time I did freebase...

I burnt my bed up.

I was sitting on the bed,

and somebody said...

"Richard, the bed's on tire!"

I said. "What?

The bed's on fire?"

It's a weird disease.

If any of you doin' it...

you ain't gonna believe this,

but if you've been doing it...

longer than two weeks.

You're a junkie.

Now I'm telling you

so you'll know it.

I know you'll tell yourself,

"I ain't no f***in' junkie."

You cannot stop if you wanted to.

You'll go home tonight and say.

"Watch me." You will not be able to.

If you got the sh*t there,

you will do it.

I'm talking about,

I started out smokin'...

I would have a pipe and sit it down

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