Ripped Page #2

F***!

We're gonna miss

the concert!

Oh my goodness!

Pledge.

Dude, do you, do you,

like, hear that?

What?

Dude, I could,

like, hear my ears

listening to things.

What?

Huh.

You mean to tell me that

you can hear your

your ears operating?

Yeah bro.

Yo, this CIA sh*t

is crazy strong, man, yo!

Like, I feel

like I gotta piss but

I don't even know.

Yo, f***, I'm high.

Dude.

Dude, my hand...

My hand looks

like a tarantula.

I don't even feel

my hands anymore.

I'm hungry, bro.

I wish I had some of your

chili right now with a, a

bowl of cheese a-and

a slice of ice cream.

-Mm.

-Switch

you know what i

wish right now?

Hm?

I wish these fingers were

just little kit-Kat bars.

Then...

I could just...

Break one off.

Break you off a piece,

and

mm!

They're so good!

You alright bro?

Oh my god!

Feels like my whole

face is in my mouth!

Oh!

Why are my balls

vibrating?

I can't feel my cock.

Oh my god.

What?

My cock is gone!

F***!

She stole your cock.

-Someone stole your cock!

-Someone stole my cock!

Cock thief! Cock thief!

Stole it right

underneath me!

Gimme your cock!

Yo, I slept like a baby.

Ugh, me too.

That weed knocked

me the f*** out.

Mm.

You look older than

a motherf***er.

Holy sh*t, you

look old as f***!

Hee!

This must have some

hallucinogenic sh*t in it.

That's f***in' cool.

We must be

halla-ducinatin' now.

Oh yeah.

Man, I feel like we've

been walking for days.

Ahh, I'm f***in' hot.

This is the worst

hallucination ever.

The f***...

A f***in' space ship.

We're not hallucinating.

We're still dreaming.

How do you know this is

your dream and not mine?

Because I always

dream of spaceships.

Let's keep walking.

Welcome.

What the f*** was that?

It's a talking door?

What's happening?

Hello, door.

How are you?

Nice to meet you.

Why's everybody on

their calculator?

We walked all this way for

a f***in' math convention!

I hate math.

And I gotta take a sh*t.

2016?

What the f***?

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

What the f***?

What the f*** is that?

I'm at the gas station.

Oh

sweetheart, I miss you so

much, I can't wait to

see you my little boo.

I'll be here for

a couple hours.

Who the f*** is that?

The f***?

Welcome.

Yo!

Check this out.

Government approves...

No, not that. Look at the date.

June 12, 2016.

It's one of those

fake news papers.

Uh-uh. This sh*t is real.

I went outside and saw a

dude with his car plugged in.

The price of gas is $5 a

gallon, and I seen a girl

with a thing in her hand

that she was talking to a

dude, and he was there,

like a video call.

But did you see this?

That's f***ed up.

Check this out though.

That's proof that

this is a fake.

If you go by this

newspaper here, this guy

is black, right?

And his name is o-bam-a?

Barack Obama, and

he's the President of the

United States.

Exactly.

Excuse me sir.

What's the date?

June the 12th, man.

What year?

2016!

Hey, get off me

man, get off me!

Right, right, right right,

I'm gonna let, yeah right.

Who's the president?

Barack Obama.

What he look like?

He's black!

That weed we smoked

knocked us out for

30 years!

We need to get a tow

truck, get your Van out

the ditch, and get

the f*** on home.

Let's go.

This damn CIA.

First Vietnam, then

Reagan gets shot.

Ever heard of

a turn signal?

It's nobody's f***in'

business where we're going.

Well, your parents definitely

don't live here anymore.

They really mean it when they

say you can't go home again.

So...

Our old school is

a home depot now.

-Mm.

-Your old house is a vacant lot.

And mine's a

f***ing soul mart?

There's nothing left

from our f***ing life!

And what the f***

is "glutton free?"

I dunno but the

gluttons eat free.

We should act like some

gluttons and go eat.

I'm starving, man.

Nah, let's go by

Debbie's parents' house.

Maybe they still

live there.

And they'll feed us.

Hello?

Uh, hi Mrs. Sanchez?

Yes?

This is Harris.

Harris weber.

Who?

Uh, Debbie's boyfriend?

Her...

Old boyfriend, I guess?

Harris has been

dead for 30 years.

This isn't funny.

They really gonna

think this is funny.

Go away!

Leave!

I...

I know this probably

sounds crazy but...

Hi, Mrs. Sanchez.

It's uh...

I know this is probably

really weird for you right

now but...

Probably didn't

expect to see us after all

these years.

Yeah.

This can't be...

Debbie?

Where the hell

have you been!

Ow.

Agh...

You guys want me to

believe that you bought

some super pot from a

woman named Joe who was

screwing a CIA guy who was

growing pot in area 51

"where they keep the

aliens," on your way to a

concert that you never got

to because your Van fell

into a ditch where you

slept for 30 years, and

all of the sudden you woke

up one day and here you are.

Crazy sh*t, right?

Were you in prison?

You were in prison,

weren't you.

-Like in Bolivia or something.

-If only.

Hey, up here.

What happened to you guys?

What really happened

to you guys?

That is what

really happened.

Mhmm.

Do you have any idea how

serious your disappearance was?

There were news reports, there

were missing persons reports.

Your parents hired

private detectives.

We had no idea where

you disappeared to.

Eventually, we just

thought you were dead.

Your parents held

funerals for you.

For closure.

-We had funerals?

-Yeah.

You're buried at the

cemetery on Madison street.

Was it a nice service?

Nice funeral.

Did people show up?

A few.

Was it sad?

Guys, is this

supposed to be funny?

Because it's not.

Look, we don't understand what

happened either, but we're

telling you what happened.

That doesn't mean

it's believable.

It just means that's

what the f*** happened.

I can't believe you

still live with your parents.

-It's my house now.

-No sh*t?

-That's right.

-Wow.

Hey, do you know where

my parents moved to?

Because I can't find them.

Wow.

You don't know, do you?

Your parents died

like ten years ago.

What the f***?

That's a bummer bro.

What about my parents?

Yours moved away.

Um, we have no idea

where they moved.

We never saw them again.

They, they moved to

the mountains.

My eyes are here, Reeves.

My father loved mountains.

I see what you're saying.

There's some good

peaks out there.

This is crazy.

I don't know what

to say, I'm...

I'm a little freaked out.

I'm just...

Look, I know this is a

little crazy, us just

showing up after

all these years.

Yeah.

Why don't we meet up again

tomorrow, to the mall or

something, maybe

go to the arcade.

Yeah, the arcade!

Okay.

So, what time you

want to hang out?

Oh, I don't hang

out. I go to work.

-So after work?

-Ditch!

Ditch!

After work?

Uh, sure.

Okay, so like two?

No, hon. This

is not school, it's work.

I'm like, seven, eight.

Okay, well we've got to,

at least, eight at the

latest, 'cause the food

court will close at nine.

Oh, Deb.

Hey wooly!

Oh my...

You guys slept in here?

Good morning.

Wow.

I can't believe you

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