Risky Business Page #2

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You're gonna get your ass kicked

if he misses it, so, what do you do?

[MOANING UPSTAIRS]

Write the message down there,

hit position two. Boop.

[MEMO-MINDER BEEPING]

One eighty-six in parts,

sell it for 9.95 and make a fortune.

[MOANING CONTINUES]

I can't concentrate with this.

This is really annoying.

[THUMPING UPSTAIRS]

It's ridiculous.

I'm getting out of here, Barry.

[JOEL SIGHS]

Lock the door when you leave,

okay, Glenn?

If you read me, grunt twice.

[GLENN AND GIRL GRUNT TWICE]

Thank you.

[ENGINE SPUTTERS, DIES]

[ENGINE STARTS]

I can't believe Glenn bringing

Statwiler over like that.

-Why?

-Because he boffed Hendricks last week.

-He did?

-Yes.

And then, after the game Saturday,

he f***ed her.

-Barry?

-What?

Boffing and f***ing are the same thing.

They are?

Ha-ha-ha.

Yeah. What did you think it was?

-I thought it was something else.

-Ha-ha-ha!

You sure on this?

I'm positive.

[LAUGHING]

Sh*t.

[ENGINE REVS]

GIRL:

Hey.

-Sublime breasts.

-They're what kind of breasts?

-Sublime breasts.

-Sublime breasts.

[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

MAN 1:

A couple of boys in daddy's car.

MAN 2:

Do you want to race?

Come on, let's go for it, huh?

MAN 1:

Hey, come on, p*ssy.

Hit it.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Okay. Good.

You've done the old-man's-car bit.

That's a good start.

Now, try this on for size.

"The Leather Castle.

Chicago's finest dominants

and submissives.

Fully-equipped dungeons.

Beginners welcome."

It sounds great, Miles.

Oh, oh! Here's one.

"My daddy used to spank

my bare bottom.

Now he's gone.

Will you take his place?

Call Misty."

Come on, Joel.

You gotta take advantage of this.

They come right to your house.

"Countess Angelique seeks

young submissive with large ankles!"

Joel, how can you miss?

MILES:

This is the one.

"For a good time in the privacy

of your own home, call Jackie:

Succinct, to the point,

down to business. What do you say?

Look...

...if you wanna call,

call for yourself, okay?

Ha, ha. A good time, Joel.

In the privacy of your own home.

What else can you ask for?

I'll make my own calls, thank you.

Then...

...call.

Forget it.

Forget it.

All right, all right.

I'm calling.

You're calling?

Someday, you'll thank me for this.

You'd better not mention me, Miles.

Hi, Jackie?

Oh, answering machine.

Hi, Jackie, this is Joel Goodsen,

-A**hole. Hey.

-I'd like a good time tonight. Bye.

[LAUGHING]

-Really cute, Miles.

-Thank you.

-That was really cute.

-Ha-ha-ha.

Now give me the number

so I can call her back.

What number?

There's no number.

Give me the number, damn it.

-I'm telling you...

-Miles.

--there's no number.

You're an a**hole.

Gotta go. Check you later.

[MILES COUGHS]

Shithead.

Shithead!

[TV PLAYING FOOTBALL GAME

INDISTINCTLY]

[VEHICLE APPROACHING OUTSIDE]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[FOOTSTEPS OUTSIDE]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

JOEL:

Oh, God.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.

How are you this evening?

Nice to meet you, Jackie.

I'm not Joel.

Joel stepped out for a moment. Um...

I'll go call him. Joel.

Thank you.

Holy sh*t.

[DIALING PHONE]

Dalby, get your ass over here.

MILES:

I'm playing cards, Joel.

Just get over here!

Is she there?

Yes, she is here,

and she is waiting for you.

No, she's not waiting for me, Joel,

she's waiting for you.

Are you coming?

No. I'm playing cards.

You're not coming?

No.

Get over here, Dalby!

No.

[SIGHS]

JOEL:

Hi.

I'm... Look, I'm sorry about

the misunderstanding.

Joel, be a courageous person.

Open the door.

That way, you see, I can call a cab.

Uh, again, I'm really sorry.

As long as we come to an arrangement,

I'm in no mood for complaining.

I mean, when you put

your good money down...

...you gotta get what you went after

in the first place. Know what I'm saying?

When you buy a TV,

you don't buy Sony if you want RCA.

I mean, I know we could

get along real nice, but, hey...

...it's your hard-earned dollar,

am I right?

-Hey.

-This way...

...we make an arrangement,

everybody comes out right.

You had carfare.

A long ride, Joel.

I don't ever come out this far.

-And your time?

-My time, my effort...

...my infinite patience

and understanding.

-Thank you.

-Seventy-five dollars.

Fair enough.

Joel, I'm going to give you a number.

You ask for Lana.

It's what you want.

Thank you.

It's what every white boy

off the lake wants.

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

MAN [OVER MEGAPHONE]: All right,

Goodsen, we know you're in there.

What's that?

I think someone's out there.

[SIREN WAILING]

Joel, the house is surrounded.

Do exactly as we say,

and no one gets hurt.

Holy sh*t.

Get off the babysitter.

Put on your pants,

and come out with your hands up.

Please, Joel, do as they say.

Just get off the babysitter.

Don't throw your life away like this.

Listen, you goddamn punk...

...you'll never have a future.

Not if I can help it.

You got that? No future.

JOEL:

Who is that?

KESSLER:

My father.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Hello.

Lana?

LANA:

Yes?

-Hi.

-Hello.

Hello?

Uh...

I'm a nice guy,

and I'd like to meet you tonight.

Fine. Where are you?

Excuse me?

Where do you live?

Glencoe.

What's your name?

Ralph.

Ralph, can I have the address?

It would make things easier.

...Remson.

Ralph?

Yes?

See you tonight.

[RAZOR BUZZING]

[SHUTS OFF RAZOR]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[FOOTSTEPS OUTSIDE]

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Are you ready for me, Ralph?

[LAUGHS]

Beautiful place you got here, Ralph.

Is this all yours?

JOEL:

My folks', actually.

Do you know what it's worth?

A lot, probably.

Oh, yeah. Real estate?

It's fabulous.

Look, Lana,

my name really isn't Ralph.

Um, ahem.

It's Joel. Ha, ha.

I need $300, Joel.

You're kidding.

LANA:

No, I don't believe I am.

JOEL:

Uh, can I send it to you?

Can you send it to me, Joel?

Well, it's just because, you know, I don't

have that much here in the house.

Well, how much do you have?

I have $50.

Fifty dollars?

What are we gonna do about this?

Well, I, uh...

-I have a bond at the bank I could cash...

-I'm not real good at waiting for people.

I'll be quick.

Give it a try.

[DOOR CLOSES]

I'm back.

Hello?

Hello.

Okay for you.

Damn it.

-How the hell...? It's so stupid.

-Tell your mother it broke!

I mean, it's not fair. That egg was worth

one hell of a lot more than $300.

Well, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna get it back,

is what I'm gonna do.

-Are you going to help?

-Sure. When?

Right now.

Well, I can't do it right now.

I've got a trig. midterm tomorrow.

Hey, Mr. What-The-F***, what about

exploring the dark side and all that?

Or was that just bullshit?

That was just bullshit, Joel.

-I'm surprised you listened to me.

-Jerk.

[CHILDREN LAUGH]

Are you coming or what?

How can you even tell

if she's gonna be here?

I don't know. Look, I called Jackie

and she said try here. Okay?

This was a great idea, Joel. Where else

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