Rites of Passage (Part 1) Page #3

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and get to work.

Put the gun down,

there's no cops.

Everything's okay.

You'll be fine!

( knocking )

How long you been

out here, huh?

Hey, don't point

that at me, Delgado.

And quit cooking without a

Hazmat suit. Gets in your pores.

Christ, Benny,

how many times I tell you

don't come up here,

I don't want you coming up here!

Wanna lose your leg?

The hell is that?

Is that a bear trap?

Now that I see you could

booby trap the place,

no, no way!

I don't like people

sneaking up on me, Benny.

I'm moving on. You can have

the ranch to yourself.

At least until my dad

figures out I'm gone.

When are you coming back?

I'm not.

Hey, hey, that's bullshit, man.

Huh? I ain't finished

my cook yet!

You think I want a bunch of

people sneaking up here

asking for your

sorry ass? No.

You are staying, pal!

You really want to take

this dance with me?

Into the tunnel of light.

You are one creepy

motherf***er, Benny.

This one's got a death

wish or something.

BENNY:
Grandmother Momoy,

make this brew strong enough

to take my bride and I to

the far away place.

Forever.

( rock music blaring )

( horns honking )

I haven't even asked my

brother if it's cool yet.

Come on, Benny will

be fine when he sees

who the naughty

professor brought.

( loud clanging )

Oh, Grandmother Momoy.

Let me behold

your magic light

as the sun fades in to beyond

on this final day and night.

Final day and night.

Penelope, we try

our hardest, but life,

it breaks us down.

I brought you something I made

especially for our wedding.

These are Olivella

shell beads.

Today is the beginning

of the acorn festival.

Chumash. We'll all

be celebrating

when we get to

the far away place.

( horns honking )

All right! Okay!

Ah. I'm so--

I'm so thirsty, Benny.

Shhh. I brought you something

very special to drink.

No-- no.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Please, I don't wanna

go on myself.

I'm going to make all

your suffering go away.

No more pain, no more fear.

We'll be done with all

of that forever.

( all yelling, cheering )

What are you talking about?

What's happening?

I'm not-- I don't want

to go anywhere with you.

I don't wanna go

anywhere with you.

Hey!

( laughter )

Loser!

- ...pain go away.

- Stop it! Stop it.

Please drink it.

I can't waste anymore.

( horns honking )

( groans )

No! No! F*** you!

Wolfman it, eat the bullet!

Help!

Help!

Help!

( horns honking )

Guys! Guys,

no open containers.

I'm still on probation.

Sh*t. Hart!

I'm sorry, it all

happened so fast.

Wait!

Help! Help!

- Hey, big man.

- Yo.

Do up these windows, man.

Let's hot box this

motherf***er right now.

Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Wait! Help!

- Yeah.

- Whoa. Uh-uh.

What?

Did I not just stay

up all night

writing your f***ing paper?

Seriously?

He gets caught with

this sh*t in his piss,

he could f***ing

lose his scholarship.

Help! Wait!

( yells )

No! Penelope.

No, no, don't leave me.

No, don't go without me!

Don't leave me alone!

This wasn't the way it's

supposed to happen!

No!

( sobbing )

Magoo, move the

f*** out the way!

Way too sick, Nathan!

Oh, my God.

This is awesome.

- Right.

- Unreal.

( all talking at once )

- Wow, this is amazing.

- So beautiful.

This is not bad.

Look at this place.

Hey, Nathan.

Is that where they

found everything?

Yeah, it's a

Chumash burial site.

My grandfather,

he made the bulldozer stop.

Told everybody to just

leave it alone.

That fresh hut,

me and my brother built it.

I thought maybe we'd have the

ceremony over there tonight.

Nice. This place

is incredible.

There's a lot of history here.

So that's where

they're buried?

Uh, Nathan, you don't mind that

I brought my roommates too?

- Hi, I'm Roxanne.

- Look at him.

- Hi, I'm Carly.

- Hi.

Nathan doesn't mind at all.

Yeah, no.

Okay, guys, listen up.

Listen up!

No beer spills, no bong water,

no sex stains--

( all talking at once )

No, no. Moose!

No, no, no.

My bedroom, guys.

This is my bed.

Guys, seriously.

Out, man, this is not

happening in my bedroom.

- Get out!

- You-- you get out!

Come on, baby, come on.

Are you gonna come in,

or you gonna go out? Bye.

( giggles )

I am not playing around!

- Oh, great.

- Get out!

How the hell do you already have

your shirt off, really?

Is this your bedroom, Nathan?

Who's gonna share with you?

Oh, Nathan likes

the Indian girl.

You probably want her

to share with you, right?

Good luck with that, buddy.

The hell, Nathan.

This is not okay. You can not

just show up like this.

I'm here for a class project,

and I have just as much

right to be here as you do.

That's not true, Nathan.

I have Father's permission.

You can't have

strangers over here.

And he's entrusted me with

overseeing this place.

Besides, I'm dealing with some

really heavy sh*t right now!

Why are you freaking

out so much?

Why is your hair all wet?

You been crying, Benny?

You need to go, Nathan.

Is that blood on your shoes?

Yeah, it was a raccoon.

They're pests, okay?

Just pack up your college

friends and get out of here

before I have to--

( chimes ring )

That's Dani.

Hi.

Olivella shell beads.

Chumash. You're Chumash.

My father's a

direct descendant.

His ancestors were

Santa Rose Islanders.

My mother's British.

Were they part

of the 1824 revolt

against those missionaries and

those f***ing Conquistadors?

You know Chumash women

had to practice abortion

because of what those Spanish

bastards did to them.

Have you relearned

your language?

Why are you looking

at me like that?

Dude.

Calm down, calm down.

It's just a bunch

of f***ing kids.

Just think about

something else.

Uh, Charlie Brown, yeah.

It's just that a guy trapped

in his own insecurities.

Failed homosexuality.

He's a loveable loser

with aimless determination

and hope.

If it had been me, I certainly

would've f***ed Lucy.

I guess Charlie was too busy

sucking Linus' dick, huh?

You really think it's a good

idea to f*** your therapist?

You see this?

What is this?

PONCHO:
Probably a raccoon.

Then where's the

f***ing raccoon, huh?

Raccoons don't bury

their own dead.

Does this look like it

came from a raccoon?

( background chatter )

BENNY:
She's perfect.

Careful, babe.

Aw, sh*t. I forgot my book.

I'll be back.

- Okay.

- Coming through, professor!

DELGADO:
Smash it, bash it,

roll it on the floor.

Wrap it around the bedpost,

roll it in the door.

Excuse me, that's my car

you're leaning on.

Who are you?

I'm here with my students.

Students?

Yeah, we're on a field trip.

Do you mind?

Field trip?

Hey, man. That's my book.

You took my book

out of the car?

What kind of field trip?

Look, man, can I just

get my book back?

Ain't gonna do

you any good.

Those kids,

they look at books,

they don't give

a f*** about anything.

That's private property.

( alarm chirps )

Stop listening to your head.

Go back and cook the gak!

Leave them alone!

Hey, boys.

We're going in au naturale.

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