Road to Bali Page #6

Doctor G means:
The Laughing Twitch.

Go sit in the audience if you're

going to laugh like that....

- I wish I was the little pig that stayed home.

- Don't worry until they put an apple

in your mouth, then you're in trouble.

- What's this kid?

- How many times have I told you,

don't play with your food.

- Don't play with the.....FOOD??!

Vermon! Crawling maggots!

Say, did you hear that kid's mother?

Those cats are cannibals.

- Maybe they're only headhunters.

- ONLY headhunters!?

This is the only head I've got. I'm

very attached to it.

- Do you mean they throw the rest away?

- Right now I wish I were back with

that sweet lovely gorilla.

I'm carrying a little bit of a torch for

her myself.

- Oh, the bar-b-que boys are back.

- You keep your hands off of me.

- Well they took her. Why'd they take just her?

-Maybe they start with the dessert first huh?

I wonder where they are going?

Oh they can't really be

headhunters.

Hey, what are those?

Popscicles? They look like my draft

board.

On your knees woman. On your

knees to Boomada.

I kneel to no one.

- That's scotch weave. Where did

you get it?

- Long ago, from a white man.

He wore it like the skirt of a woman.

This man, was he called McTavish?

Yes, that is how he was called. Macatavish.

Macatavish was my father.

You are Princess Lala? Your father

was my good friend.

till warm in my heart. You are his

daughter. Anything you wish for

shall be done.

21 gong salute.

Just listen to that, will you. For

whom the bells toll.

I saw that picture. Very few laughs.

Even Gary Cooper got killed.

Yep.

- Well, I don't mind getting killed.

But they're going to torture us.

- I couldn't stand torture. Me neither.

They're not going to torture me.

It hurts.

Well, there's only one thing to do.

Yeah, you ready?

Well, there's only one thing to do.

Yeah, you ready?

Then Your Highness has no

problem. Here on Nuata, a woman

can have as many husbands as she can afford.

- I can marry them both?

- Why not? White women have

many husbands too.

But only one at a time. Here we do

not like the installment plan.

Marry them both. Oh that is

wonderful Boomada.

Happiness is like smoke in the

wind. So quickly gone.

Let it be done now, at once.

See to it that the two white men are

prepared for a Royal wedding to the

Princess.

Royal wedding? Mazeltoph!

ROYAL WEDDING - M AZELTOPH!

Now we will visit our chief.

Wait a minute, you ain't cooking me

in no oil. You can eat me!

I'm skinny, I'm stringy, I'm tough. I'll

give you indigestion.

- We will not eat you.

- Oh no, you are to be married.

Married?

- Now wait a minute, I'm not going

to marry you!

Eat me! Kill me! I'm fat, I'm puff,

I'm delicious.

- No unpleasant aftertaste. Go ahead.

- You will not marry me.

You will marry the Princess of Batu.

You mean Lala? So, she finally

came to her senses.

Lala. What is this, my trusseau?

Reminds me of a blind date I once

had in Cleveland.

That's perfect. You may proceed to

groom the groom.

Oh poor George. This will kill him.

Oh well, some of us have it and

some of us don't.

But I feel like such a cad having so

much of it.

I've been able to undress myself,

since I was 17.

Well, I see my wedding headdress

is back from the dentist.

Ah, ah, easy on the cologne. Let's

be subtle, shall we?

I feel so delirious happy!

Some of us have it, some of us

don't. Poor Harold.

He must have misplaced it.

- You may pour just a little cooking

sherry huh?

You are every bit as beautiful as I

have been told Princess Lala.

- Chief Rameanna has heard of me?

- Yes, my dear cousin.

- Kennerok!

- It is good to see you Lala and this too.

- That's mine you thief.

- Not a thief my cousin, but a matchmaker.

My dear wives are aging rapidly.

They bore me.

You Princess will bring youth into

my home.

-Youth! It's wonderful!

- No! NO!

- This can not be.

- Silence!

Take the Princess into the bridal hut.

-She has spirit too.

- In the morning, in the light of

reason, she will agree to our bargin Rameanna.

You can not do this. She has given

her heart to the two Americans.

- Those white mice?

- I have an idea.

Instead of their hearts, Lala shall

have their heads.

Shrunken, so. They make lovely bedpost

But Rameanna. Listen to the

wedding dance. Already, the two

grooms are being prepared.

We can not stop this ceremony

without insulting the Gods and your people.

- Why not have your ceremony.

With two grooms and no bride!

Excellent! Two grooms and no bride.

NO! Rachan, the God of the

sleeping volcano, will not permit the

sacrilege of a wedding without a bride.

Who rules this island. Is it you or

the volcano?

You are right. I rule this island. I!

Not the volcano!

Raschan, God of the sleeping

volcano, do you approve of this action?

- You see?

- A silly superstition for old women.

- You do not fool Rameanna with

your ventiloquism.

Now go. Attend the wedding of the

two grooms.

Without the bride.

- Say muscles, is the bride going to

wear one of these too? - Yes.

Well, I'm game if she's game. We'll

win the door prize for sure.

Hey wait a minute. Does the

Princess wear one of these too? - Yes.

This could lead to a ticklish

situation. Ah, nice fit.

Let the wedding ceremony begin.

The wedding wine is ready.

No bride.

On with the ceremony.

Continue.

With this wine, I pronounce you

man and wife.

Take them away. Advise me when

they awaken.

I have plans for them.

Lala...

Lala's mine.

- Ah honey.

- Lala?

- There's a man in bed with us.

-Yeah, I got a hold of him.

- You!

- You!

- Hey, hey, what's the idea?

Somebody switched roommates on me.

- Where's my wife? This woman is a man.

- You do not have a wife.

- Are you kidding Jack? I'm prince

Harold of Attou.

- You? I married Lala.

- You did not marry the Princess.

- I married her.

- You did not marry her.

- I put on this bug-eyed beenie.......

- I sweated my way into that pullover......

- and I got feathers up my...

- What?

- One of us has got to go to Reno.

- Let's hurry before one of us gets grabbed.

-Where's Lala?

- Princess Lala is to become the

seventh wife of our chief.

What becomes of us?

You have five minutes to live.

- Will we feel it?

- No we use sodium penterium.

-Oh that's sweet.

- Isn't that thoughtful?

I guess this is it.

At least we're going out together.

- We've been through a lot together

old pal.

I can't complain though. We've had

a lot of laughs.

I just hope in your heart of hearts

you can forgive me for the few little

bitty times I tried to con you.

There's a storm coming up her huh?

I forgive you George. I know you've

always meant well.

I must have been a trial to you.

Say, we might get postponed here

on account of rain.

Well Harold, you know of course,

I don't have to tell you what you've

meant to me.

We've been through so much

together.....

.....and here we are in life, in death

we face it together.

We got to get Lala.

Lala...

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