Road to Utopia Page #3

Stand by with a light mallet.

Me on a boat to Alaska?

Maybe I am crazy.

Chester--

Don't give me any talk,

just give me my money.

Don't you think it would be better

if you let me hold the money?

Give me that cabbage

before I part your derby.

If that's the

way you feel--

That's the

way I feel.

Is it all here?

Count it.

We gotta be careful.

This is a strange boat.

There's a lot of crooks around.

You won't be lonesome.

You know way down underneath

I'm honest.

But on top,

you're a rat.

That money would be

safer in my pocket.

You kiddin'?

We're not putting the money

in your pocket or my pocket,

we're puttin' it where

it belongs... in the safe.

See?

Man overboard!

Wait!

No hard feelings?

No hard feelings.

It's only money.

Has no

personality.

You and those cards.

I can't understand.

Must've been a Pinochle deck.

Keep scrubbin'!

Make it shine!

Are you kiddin'?

My fingernails are all gone.

For the last hour I've been

using up the white meat.

You'll keep on 'til you

work you way back to Frisco!

Not me! I've had enough!

Me, too! Who do you think

you're pushin' around?

We're not cattle,

you know!

Moo!

Moo!

Thanks.

Baked ham around here.

Silly place

to get a hotfoot.

Come on, help yourself.

This is no sailboat.

I'm doing my share.

You look like an agent

standing there.

That fire's important.

Makes the boat go.

That's right.

Supposing

it goes out?

Supposing it does?

I'm ready.

Oh, that's--

Pardon me.

Thanks.

What do you do

around here?

Nothing.

You in this picture?

No, taking a short

cut to Stage 1 0.

Very fine, Tony.

All right, who's next?

Let's go, Dad. You're on.

I'm not following

monkeys this season.

They'll think it's an encore.

Besides, 1 0 bucks is 1 0 bucks.

Don't be bashful.

Who's next?

Here's your boy.

Stay in there.

Can I borrow that

Stomach Steinway?

Take good care of him.

You kiddin'?

It's got asthma now.

##

#You think that money

is everything #

#And yet it's

anybody's spring #

# Go make a fortune

become a king #

#And still it's

anybody's spring #

#And if you

flash a bankroll #

# Do you suppose

the brook would care #

# Or that a rose would say #

# ''There goes a millionaire'' #

# It's more than diamonds

around a ring #

# Because it's

anybody's spring #

#You may be born with

the silver spoon #

#And yet it's

anybody's moon #

#You couldn't buy a ticket #

#To hear the first robin sing #

# It's free because it's

anybody's spring #

##

I never knew I could play

one of these.

You could

beat the monkey.

#You couldn't

buy a ticket #

#To hear the

first robin sing #

# It's free because it's

anybody's spring ##

Very nice.

Very nice.

Now for the winner.

Line up here, please.

He's wasting time.

Naturally.

Next time,

I bring Sinatra.

Could you tell me where

I could find a Mr. Ace Larson?

At his place,

I reckon--

The Golden Rail.

Thank you.

So I came up here as fast

as I could, Mr. Larson.

If you'll only help me,

I'll be glad to pay you--

Pay me?

You seem to forget, my dear,

your father was my best friend.

Thank you.

Who did you say

stole that map?

I didn't, but they were seen--

Two men, Sperry and McGurk.

Sperry and McGurk, huh?

You know them?

By reputation only.

Two of the blackest

cutthroats that ever

dirtied up the Klondike.

- Maybe the police--

- That won't be necessary.

Go down to the dock.

I want to know the minute

those two hit town.

I can't begin to

thank you, Mr. Larson.

Forget it.

What do you do?

I beg your pardon?

For your living.

How do you get by?

I sing a little.

I like that.

From now on,

you'll work for me.

Now don't you worry your

pretty little head about it.

Just leave everything to me.

You've been

terribly sweet.

The dirty dog. He just

wants to get Dorothy into

one of those scanty costumes.

Not a

bad idea.

I'm working

for Mr. Larson--

Upstairs.

Thank you.

Who's the

fancy baggage?

A little lady who's

lost a gold mine.

Are you the lost and found

department?

I'm gonna help

her get it back.

Aren't you stepping

a little out of character?

I don't know.

The mine's worth about

three million dollars.

What do we get

out of it?

About three

million dollars.

Doesn't leave the

''little lady'' much, does it?

That's what I like about you.

You're good at arithmetic.

The boat docks in Skagway

but are we getting off?

Oh, no, we're cooked.

I didn't want

to get on this boat.

I was Shangri-La'd.

Shanghaied,

old man.

Well, one of those

towns in Egypt.

What do you

got there?

Just an old piece of paper,

that's all.

What're you puttin' it

in your pocket for?

I save old paper.

Some people save old string.

I think folding

is more fun than twisting.

What is it?

Just a map

of an old gold mine.

What?

Just a little one. Good for

a couple of inlays maybe.

Let's see it.

I'm an old map man.

It's my

type of work.

Chester, you realize

what this is?

It's a map.

It's the Van Hoyden gold mine.

You read the papers.

You think so?

The guys that have this room

must be the killers.

Dirty rats.

[ Duke ]

We got the map. It's ours.

How do you figure?

The law of the Yukon--

Possession.

How 'bout the murderers?

We'll turn them

over to the cops.

- They should be boiled in oil.

- I told you... a gold mine.!

I saw it in the cards.

Those beautiful cards.

Riding down 5th Avenue.

Throwing 50-dollar bills

at the round haircuts.

We'll be

living like kings.

Living like kings?

I abdicate.

Nice little mine

you got here, fellas.

Wear it in

good health, boys.

Nice to meet you.

Come on, Chester.

We got a little dust

of our own to take care of.

Start cleaning up here.

That blood.

There's no

blood there.

There's gonna be.

No noise.

You wanna wake up

the neighborhood?

This is much better.

Yeah? I ain't

afraid to die.

I just hate

being killed.

Wait a minute.

Think it over.

For a couple of years.

You wouldn't want to dirty

a nice knife over a stale

couple of million bucks.!

What do we do now?

Remember Schenectady?

Okay fellas,

we're ready.

We ain't askin'

for no mercy.

Can we say

our prayers?

Okay.

Be quick about it.

Bailey...

Crawford.

Bailey...

Crawford.

No trace of those

stowaways, sir.

I ain't worried.

If they're gettin' off, they've

got to come through here.

Flannery.

Flannery.

peters.

peters.

Lombardi.

Lombardi.

Sperry.

And McGurk.

Sperry and McGurk.

Sperry and McGurk?

Yeah, Sperry and McGurk.

What about it, partner?

What about it?

Nothing, boys. Only,

just don't make any trouble.

Things are different

since you boys were here.

It's nice and peaceful.

Don't worry, we're

law-abiding citizens now.

Anybody says we ain't,

we'll plug 'em.

Hey, Sperry and McGurk

just hit town.

Sperry and McGurk?

Yeah, and they're

headed this way.

Here they

come now!

What goes with

the local peasantry?

One look at us and they

run right out of the joint.

I feel like I'm

back in vaudeville.

I don't know what Sperry

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