Road to Utopia Page #4

and McGurk did to this burg,

but they're dynamite.

We own this town.

I'll sell cheap.

I don't like it.

If those hoodlums ever

get off that boat,

we'll be smiling from ear

to ear with our throats.

Forget it.

The town's ours-- Food,

liquor, supplies, anything.

All we got to do is act tough.

Tough?

Remember, you're Sperry

and I'm McGurk.

Got it?

Got it.

Made it.

Not quite.

It's a leaner.

What'd I tell ya?

We got the royal suite,

dinner, liquor,

sled loaded with

a month's supplies.

Hasn't cost us a dime.

Clamber out of that beaver.

How'll they know we're

Sperry and McGurk?

We'll tell 'em.

If those two butchers

ever get off that boat,

we'll wind up hamburger,

blood-rare.

I don't like it.

You don't like it?

You don't know a good thing

when you see it.

This town's a whole

big jackpot for us.

I don't like it.

Skagway Sal wants

to see you boys.

I'm beginning

to like it.

Get out of here!

We got business.

Who'd you say?

Skagway Sal.

Well, come on in.

That's our business.

Where does, uh--

hang out?

Golden Rail.

Looky here,

Skunky.

Anybody ever see Sperry and

McGurk with their beards off?

Not that I know of.

Spread the news around.

They're gonna see it tonight.

Okay.

Skagway Sal, let's go.

Now they're furnishing dates.

This is a great town.

We're beginning to operate.

Sal's waitin'.

What's the rush?

There's only one dame.

You better clamber out of

that mattress before somebody

asks you for a cough drop.

You better let

me hold the map.

What for?

You know how you act when

you get around women.

The only thing I do is

get ''around'' the women.

Give me the map.

Don't forget,

half s mine.

Half of it's yours.

Here you are.

What're you doing?

Putting mine in my

hat in a safe place.

You'd better do

the same thing.

In a safe

place, huh?

What do you think

of my underwear?

Not much,

but put it there.

Throw that

candy away.

I got a sweet tooth.

We're supposed to be killers...

supposed to look tough.

The almonds are tough.

Lose it.

Throw it away.

Stash it.

Here, Fuzzy.

Dessert? Come on.

When you get to an elbow,

it's mine.

Are you crazy?

Feedin' a loose pooch?

We'll never get rid of him.

He's a cute character.

Let's take him along.

He's as big as a horse.

Probably eats like a horse.

That runs into a lot of money.

You oughta know.

Come on.

Remember, we're supposed

to be Sperry and McGurk.

Tough, huh?

Very tough.

Scat, sad sack.

Go on, scat.

Beat it before he

throws a saddle on you.

There they are!

How tough could

these guys have been?

Okay, everybody, go ahead

and enjoy yourselves.

We ain't in

a killin' mood tonight.

Just

a woundin' mood.

Let's get some action here.

We're springin' tonight.

Champagne

for the crowd.

That's enough.

We're the crowd.

At this point the plot is

much more interesting from

your point of view than mine.

This is the life,

Pappy.

This is awful.

What's the matter?

I ain't got

room for her.

I wish I had another leg.

What happens when Sal shows up?

She'll have to sign

an application blank.

We may get to her later.

##

# Mary Smith had

a college education #

# SallyJones had

a scientific streak #

# Susie Brown used to lecture

on ancient architecture #

#Josie Green spoke

Latin and Greek #

#Just forgotten girls

with forgotten brains #

#While history explains #

#When Madame Pompadour

was on a ballroom floor #

# Said all the gentlemen

obviously #

#The Madame

has the cutest #

# Personality #

#And think of all the books

about DuBarry's looks #

#What was it made her

the toast of Paris #

# She had a well-developed

personality #

#And what did Romeo

see in Juliet #

# Or Pierrot in Pierette #

# OrJupiter in Juno #

#You know #

#And when Salome danced and

had the boys entranced #

# No doubt it must have

been easy to see #

#That she knew

how to use her #

# Personality #

# So don't you say I'm smart

and have the kindest heart #

# Or what a wonderful

sister I'd be #

#Just tell me

how you like my #

# Personality #

##

# Personality ##

Well, duty calls.

I'll see you later.

What do you mean?

You saw her makin' with those eyes,

givin' me that come hither.

Givin' you that

come hither?

Yes.

Where

you goin'?

Thither.

You're not ''nither.'' She was

giving me the same business.

This gal's been around.

Takes a lad like me to handle her.

Like you?

Experience is

the best teacher.

The best teacher?

And I'm a PhD.

That's Pinheaded Dope.

Einstein--

Here comes the waiter

with the check.

Which one of you

two fellas is Sperry?

Experience is the

best teacher, huh?

Don't wait up for me.

I may have to stay after school.

That poor little lamb.

All right, girls,

everybody back!

Work fast. As soon as we

get the map, Ace is headin'

for his place up at Dawson.

You sure they're the right men?

They don't look like killers.

We're going to

a lot of trouble on this.

Don't make it tougher.

I appreciate--

You wanna get your mine,

don't you? Leave it to Ace.

He told you

to get that map.

He ain't particular

how you get it.

Come in.

Well, here I am.

Start burning the incense.

Come in.

Well,

here we are.

Yes,

here we are.

Well?

Well?

Care to shoot

a game of pool?

I'm glad I waited, Sperry.

Everything they said

about you is true.

I can only love a killer

and you've got ''killer''

written all over you.

Those shifty eyes,

that weak chin--

Camouflage.

How many men have

you killed this week?

Just 40 or 50. I've been

in a pretty good mood.

Let's not talk shop.

It seems to me

we've met somewhere before.

I don't think so.

Perhaps

in your dreams.

You wouldn't be seen

in those kind of places.

Some women can love

any type of man, but not me.

I've got to have a beast.

Is a wolf

considered a beast?

My, what

a fiery nature.

Let's throw

another log on it.

As far as I'm concerned,

this picture's over right now.

Oh, Sperry!

Never leave me,

Sal, you'll suffer.

Not for anything

in the world.

Not even if they

offered me... a gold mine.

Gold mine?

Money doesn't matter to me.

I don't care how poor you are.

You mean that,

don't you?

You've got nothing

to worry about.

Shh!

I'm loaded.

Loaded?

Gold mine

with nuggets.

Sperry,

don't be facetious.

Keep politics out of this.

I have the biggest

gold mine in Alaska.

It's ours...

yours and mine.

What about your partner?

Porky?

Just a stooge.

Once we get that map off

of him, we're rollin'.

He's got the map?

Don't worry. I'll get

it when he's asleep.

Where does he keep it?

Sorry, we don't tell anyone,

we're no fools.

Not even me?

Not even you.

I hope it's in a safe place.

Who'd ever think of

looking in his hat?

We're not amateurs,

you know.

I can see that.

It's getting late,

you'd better run along.

What's the rush?

I've got another

show to do.

But I just

got here.

I said, later.

Midnight,

my apartment?

Supper?

I'm not hungry.

I'll go work up

an appetite.

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