Road Trip Page #3

It's pathetic.

He's trying to say that

this is your chance to do something.

Be a risk-taker. Come with us.

You're just saying that

because you want my car.

No! No, we've always liked you.

Or just give us the car.

That would make him a risk-taker.

Shut up, all right??

He's coming with us.

Come on, Kyle. It'll be fun!

Aren't you even curious

where we're going?

No.

OK, we're going to the University

of Austin. Sure you won't come?

I don't like Massachusetts.

Austin's in Texas.

You're thinking of Boston.

You've never left this town,

have you?

No, not really.

That could turn

into a debilitating phobia.

OK.

- Can I feed Mitch?

- Yes, actually you can.

There's a brown box of mice

by his cage.

Give him one tomorrow. Just one.

- I'll feed him a mouse tomorrow.

- OK.

You can count on me.

OK? I'm reliable. OK?

You guys do good.

Have a good trip, safe trip.

Buckle up your seat belt.

I'm gonna feed the snake!

I'll feed the snake,

I'll watch the snake.

(Barry) 'So off they went.'

They had 1,800 miles to go,

and only three days to do it.

It was a killer journey and one

that changed them all forever.

The end.

- So we're gonna go look over here.

- Whoa. That's it?? This story sucks.

- What happened with the tape?

- Right. The tape.

Well, um...

Well... Like I said,

they were on a race against time.

# The smoke stack spitting black soot

into the sooty sky

# The load on the road brings a tear

to the Indian's eye... #

Since we didn't get to see the tape,

- can you at least describe it??

- No.

# The elephant won't forget

what it's like inside his cage

# The ringmaster's Telecaster

sings on an empty stage... #

Admit that Beth is amazing.

I admit it, she's amazing.

She's perfect.

I don't know why you feel so guilty.

Technically you haven't cheated.

What are you talking about??

There are these rules that guys have,

an understanding

as to what constitutes cheating.

Take your situation, for example.

It's not cheating.

Not when you're in a different

area code - not to mention state!

That makes no sense.

Don't look at me, Kyle.

I don't make the rules.

This is legit. I've read an article.

There's a whole bunch of them,

like loopholes.

Say you were sleeping with

two girls at the same time,

it's not cheating

because they cancel each other out.

- Ahh.

- Exactly!

Or if you're too wasted

to remember...

It is not cheating.

Because if you

can't really remember it,

it never really took place.

# Uh-huh

# Whoo-oo... #

OK, I've got one. Ready?

It's OK if you spread peanut butter

on your testicles

and let your dog lick it off.

- Because it's your dog!

- Jesus Christ!

- You know, because it's your dog!

- We got it.

# Whoo-oo, uh-huh

# Goddam right, it's a beautiful day

# Uh-huh, goddam right #

Somebody's gonna die tomorrow.

That's right.

One of you is marked for death.

And first thing tomorrow morning,

a chosen one

will experience nature's wrath

in all its fury.

(Hums gloomy religious chant)

Who are you?

I'm Beth.

Are you here for the feeding?

Excuse me?

You're early. It's not till tomorrow.

You should come back.

It's gonna be a bloodbath.

I think I'll pass.

Have you seen Josh?

He went to visit his girlfriend.

Tiffany?

I thought they broke up.

I mean this girl who's a friend

of his. You know what I mean.

Where did he go?

Austin?

Austin, Massachusetts?

You mean Boston, Massachusetts?

Yeah, that's what I said. Boston.

The University of Boston

in Massachusetts.

He is such an a**hole.

I can't believe

he just lied to my face like that.

I actually thought he liked me.

How could he do that??

- She was topless?

- Girls don't stand around naked.

Yeah, they do. OK? This is my story.

You wanna hear it or not??

- It just doesn't make any...

- Shh. Please, no interruptions, OK?

So this other girl walks up,

totally hot. Naked! Really naked!

I know guys can be jerks.

I guess I just thought

Josh was different. I liked him.

Sweetie, listen to me.

They're all the same.

All men are perverted pigs.

All they care about...

really, all they THINK about is sex.

- You're so right. I feel so used.

- Face it, we're all used.

In most men's eyes, we're just flesh.

- It's so sick!

- It IS sick. Think about it.

If they had it their way...

God, I don't even want to know

what would happen

if they had it their way!

(Beth) What am I supposed to do

now that he's gone?

- Go to Boston and bust his ass.

- Right.

Confront him

and his little girlfriend.

Face to face. You totally should!

Show her what an a**hole Josh is,

right??

Hmm...

# I'm freakin' you, baby

# Drivin' you crazy

# I'm freakin' you, baby

# Drivin' you crazy

# I'm freakin' you, baby... #

Ooh! These, too.

# I'm freakin' you, baby

# Drivin' you crazy... #

Kyle, come here for a second.

We're a little

short on cash right now,

so we need to put this

on your credit card.

We'll give you the cash

when we get back, I promise.

I can't. It's my dad's.

It's for emergencies only.

Hello! This IS an emergency.

We need this stuff.

You want us to sleep in the dirt??

# I'm freakin' you, baby

drivin' you crazy

# When I get to your place

# I wanna turn up the highs

and turn up the bass... #

(Josh) We're in no-man's-land.

We've been on this road

for over an hour.

This is gonna save us five hours,

minimum. Thank me later.

We should go back to the interstate.

- We're not goin' back.

- Yeah, have some faith.

It's a challenge.

That's why it's a short cut.

If it was easy,

it would just be the way.

(Josh) Damn it! F***!

I give us 20 minutes

before our first ass-raping.

If we turn around we'll lose

five hours backtracking.

Turn around? Why? Because of this?

We could make it.

Make it?? You mean jump it??

No. Absolutely not.

No way. We're going back.

It can be done. This incline

is 30 degrees roughly, right??

The factory weight

of the car is 1,600lbs.

Add us, plus cargo...

- No, no.

- If we hit this at 50mph,

our trajectory

will clear 10 feet, easy.

No way. Absolutely not.

We'll go 60 just to be certain.

(Kyle) We're goin' back.

It's impossible.

You sure?

With physics I'm always sure.

I'm driving.

I don't think you guys heard me.

This is my car

and we're not gonna jump any rivers.

Kyle, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope

could jump this in a golf cart.

Look, I can spit across this gap.

(Hawks)

Yeah.

Well...

better make it 75.

- OK. Let's do it.

- Trust me, Kyle, it's science.

No, you guys. No.

EL, get out of my car.

Kyle, in the car. Come on.

(Revving)

We're PK.

You know we need to hit 60?

- I'm trying. This car sucks.

- Stop!

(All yelling)

(EL) Thank you! Yes!

What did I tell you?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

(Sniffs)

My father is gonna kill me

when he finds out about this.

I only said we'd make it across.

I never said

the wheels would stay on.

What the hell are we gonna do now?!

I'm totally screwed!

I don't have time...

to be walking...through the woods!

Rate this script:3.0 / 1 vote