Road Trip Page #4

Josh, we'll call a tow truck,

have the axles fixed.

We'll lose half a day at most.

It's just the wheels.

(Beth) The minute I think

I feel something for someone,

they just turn around

and screw me over.

Just something about Josh,

he's just different.

I feel like we had a connection.

I don't think

I'll ever be able to trust a guy.

You shouldn't! Honey, the last time

I trusted a man was back in 1985

and he took off

with my sister and my van.

It was a regular-size van.

Before that mini-van crap.

So there's no hope, huh?

Oh, there's hope.

But it comes with batteries.

(Buzzing)

You can keep that.

(Kyle) God. Crap.

(EL) Listen, guys,

we're gonna have to be more careful.

We almost died in that explosion.

- I wish I had died.

- I'm serious. I can't die young.

Something tells me the people

of Earth are gonna need me.

I must live.

Yeah, right. We all must live.

Before we do that,

we must get back on the road.

(Josh) We shouldn't be going

to sleep right now!

(Phone)

'Let's just lay

an indication here and there.'

(Phone)

(TV) 'And a whole bunch of colour...'

- (Sighs)

- (Ringing)

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, do you need to get that??

Do you need something?

Yeah.

This is sort of an unusual question.

But do you have any marijuana

I might buy?

Our car exploded last night

and I'm practically all out.

Am I a drug dealer??

No, I am not.

Thank you for asking, though.

No? OK, that's OK. Thanks.

Is there anything else

I can help with?

Perhaps you'd like an 11-year-old

prostitute. We can do that.

Or maybe we can off someone

for you. Huh?

I've got it.

Why don't we start small??

Would you like a fresh towel??

You could roll that up and smoke it.

Dick.

By the way, Cheech,

that credit card

you guys gave me was maxed out,

so don't go spending all your cash

on needles and guns just yet.

Um, Mr Earl Edwards?

I'm sorry, sir.

This card's over its limit.

That's not true. Put it through

your little machine again.

I tried three times, sir. If you

have another card, I'd be happy to...

Don't give me any attitude.

You go fix

that little toy back there,

and charge this friggin' card.

We've been coming here for 20 years.

- We've only been open eight years.

- Do it now.

(EL) Relax, it's not a big deal.

(Rubin) You don't understand,

when Josh finds out he'll freak.

You can't rent a car without

a credit card. You just can't.

So, what are we gonna do?

Tell you what. Stay here.

Take him out

for breakfast or something.

I'll go take care of this.

Earl, Cookie, we have a situation.

Now, brace yourselves.

The police have found Kyle's car

abandoned in Bedford, Pennsylvania.

It's been blown to bits.

We checked with the university -

he's missing.

Mother of God.

- (Woman) Good morning.

- Hello.

Hi. How can I help you?

Yeah, hi. I was sent over here

to check out bus 111,

and I'm afraid I have some bad news.

You seem to be having problems

with the...rotator splint.

Engines have rotator splints?

Yeah.

She runs good now, but not for long.

I can have it back to you

as good as new in a week.

Let's see.

Well, Jared's still in Aliquippa,

- I take it he called you from there?

- Yeah.

Five days.

Well, I think we can work that out.

Would you please not feed my dog?

I didn't.

You can't feed

Seeing Eye dogs treats.

I'd appreciate it

if you left him alone.

Don't roll your eyes at me.

French toast.

Bacon. Good for you.

- And scrambled eggs.

- Thank you.

Excuse me, but this has powdered

sugar on it, and I ordered no sugar.

I can't have

too much sugar in the morning.

Oh, I'm sorry,

you're absolutely right.

Tell you what, let me take this back

and bring you out a new piece.

Is everybody good? OK, great.

Do you know where my possessions are,

because I can't...

- Wait, no. They were in the car.

- That's...that's hilarious.

All right,

let me warm that up for you.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

(Farts)

Excuse me. And the French toast

will be out in just a minute.

- OK, thank you.

- OK, great.

French toast, no sugar.

- All right?? Sorry about that.

- No problem.

That's a nice guy.

It's good.

(Tyres squeal)

OK!

I don't wanna know

how you got this.

- I stole it from a blind chick.

- I don't wanna know.

What?? I'm gonna give it back.

Probably.

# Going to work, I hate it

# Shakin' that stick

that drives people crazy

# Doin' that stuff that you do

# Quit messin' me up with your voodoo

# You drive me crazy with that

# Boogie-oogie-oogie-oogie-oogie

# You drive me crazy with that boogie

# Boogie, boogie

# Your lips are hot and spicy

# Servin' up cooked beans and rice

# I feel like

she's a hoppin' and stompin'

# Makin' love to the gators

in the swamp... #

Can we please stop soon?

I need to use the bathroom.

Actually, I don't have to go yet,

so we'll stop in a couple of hours.

OK.

I'm kidding, Kyle. We'll stop.

Jeez, you have to stand up

for yourself. Be more assertive.

OK.

What's your deal??

Why are you so worried?

I don't know. I guess it's my dad.

He's, like...strict.

He really is gonna kill me

when he finds out about that car.

So you screwed up. Big deal.

People make mistakes.

He'll get over it.

Besides, that car sucked anyways.

I really do need

to go to the bathroom.

- (EL) We're makin' a pit stop.

- (Rubin) Again?!

(Squeaks)

You're about to experience

first-hand...

exactly what it means to be in

the lower region of the food chain.

Mitch is going to bite into you.

He's going to squeeze.

He'll actually start digesting you

while you're still alive.

But don't be scared.

No. No, no.

(Squeaking)

It'll be a quick death.

Be brave.

You'll barely feel it.

Come on.

Come on. You gonna f***in' eat him?

Josh, wait up a second.

This is supposed to be a road trip.

All we do is drive the whole time.

It's ridiculous.

- No one forced you to come.

- We're making great time.

And if Tiffany saw that tape,

it'd be a good thing.

What is that supposed to mean?

Beth is an angel. She's here

to help you change your life.

Besides, did Tiffany

ever let you videotape her??

I think not.

It's a sign, Josh.

- (Phone)

- Hello?

- 'Professor Anderson? '

- Who's calling?

Hi, Professor, it's Josh Parker.

Oh, uh...

(Deeper voice) Hello, Josh.

What can I do for you?

- Well, I was in a car accident.

- 'Oh. Oh, my God.'

I'm PK.

It's just I'm in kind of a bind.

All my notes and books

were destroyed.

Is it possible to get an extension?

'Maybe take the mid-term

a couple days later?? '

Oh, sure.

Yes, it sounds like an emergency.

How about an extra three days?

- 'Would that work? '

- Yeah, that would be fantastic!

- Are you sure?

- 'Just glad you're not hurt.'

I'm marking it down right now.

'That's great, Professor. Thank you.'

OK, goodbye.

Who was that??

Oh, that...that was Josh Parker.

Oh, yeah? What did he want??

He was just confirming

the date of the exam. Such a worrier.

(Siren wails)

It's gonna be OK. I'll find him.

And we'll find whoever did this,

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