Robin Williams: Come Inside My Mind Page #12

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they've dealt with it.

And I'm, you know,

pretty much like,

"Okay, it's a different game."

Is there

a deaf signer here?

Oh, how cool is that?

Blow me.

(laughter)

Thank you.

It takes--

It takes big balls

to do that in my act.

Thank you.

What a great f***ing night.

Wow.

This is gonna be

like Deliverance

with Helen Keller,

this is...

Thank you.

What a wonderful idea.

I'll give you

a break right now,

'cause there's

more sh*t coming.

-Good luck.

-(laughter)

Nice to be here

in Washington--

I was on the road,

I was performing,

and all of a sudden

I noticed things--

I was just starting

to run down.

I'd finished a show

going, "Oh God."

I was in Miami,

I was about to do

this show, and I said,

"Maybe we should have

a doctor look at this."

I went to do

a stress test,

and I was

on the treadmill

for one minute,

and the doctor went, "Okay,

we got what we need."

My heart was beating

like Tito Puente, like...

(vocalizes fast drumbeat)

Even the cardiologists said,

"It's off the charts!

It's either an earthquake

or he's f***ing dying!"

When he was in the hospital

and they were shaving him

and everything like that,

he was making jokes

and everything,

but it was obvious

that he was very,

very frightened.

Crystal:

It was more of a repair

than they originally thought,

it was more complicated,

and it was

really dangerous.

When the operation started,

I started leaving

messages on his phone

as this guy,

Vinnie the valve guy,

who was like

a mechanic character,

who apparently

supplied the valve

and the-- and the mechanics

who were gonna do

the work on him,

like he was an old car.

So when he woke up,

he'd have

15 messages

to laugh to.

Day and half later,

you know, he was in pain,

he'd just gone through

this massive surgery.

He called me.

"Oh God.

"Oh. Oh hilarious.

Can I talk to Vinnie?"

I want to thank everyone

for all your kind letters,

prayers and thoughts.

I just want to let you know

I'm doing better.

See? (laughs)

Thank you.

How long ago

was the surgery?

-Eight weeks ago.

-Eight weeks!

Man, remarkable.

Good for you.

(cheers, applause)

Yes, sir. You and I...

You and I are now

Brotherhood of the Zipper Chest.

That's right. We got it.

Now... there must--

My relationship

with Robin only grew bigger

and stronger

as we grew older.

We were no longer...

kids hanging

around the back

of The Comedy Store.

Did they give you

that button

-where you can

medicate yourself?

-Yes.

Oh, that's a good one

to have, isn't it?

Yes. I still have it.

(laughs)

In the middle of the show--

Letterman:
As you grow

older, different things

become more important

and the humanity

of life...

is the great guiding light,

and it was--

it was nice to be able

to share that with Robin,

who was a different guy

by then, you know.

(cheers, applause)

Robin:

I ended up getting

a bovine valve,

which is a cow valve,

which is kind of cool,

'cause you can sh*t

standing up. That's great.

(mimics thud)

Great to be here.

Nice to be here.

Crystal:

Suddenly he was mortal.

Suddenly life was different.

Suddenly things

got more precious.

Do you feel

it affected you

in terms of your comedy

any differently?

Robin:

You know,

I graze once a week.

I don't think

it affected the comedy.

I think it--

a little bit of terms of--

slightly, I just enjoy

life a little bit--

-you take things

a little bit slower.

-Right.

You don't rush--

stampede as it were.

After the surgery,

you get very emotional.

It's like-- it's like weird.

People go, "How are you?"

(crying)

God! Thanks for asking.

And I got so emotional,

I thought instead of a valve,

they gave me a tiny vagina,

which is like, "What?"

-(laughter)

-"How are you?"

"Much better now,

thank you!

(moans)

"Oh God!

Don't use the paddles.

Just rub me here.

There we go."

Hey, listen, I'm going

on a date tonight,

and...

if you're hungry,

I could fix you

some food

before I go.

You're going

on a date?

With who?

Ms. Reed. Hmm?

(chuckles)

Really?

You're going out

with the TILF?

-That's great!

-The what?

TILF.

"Teacher I'd Like to F***."

Nice mouth.

Robin read

the screenplay...

As a favor, initially,

'cause I thought,

"Well, maybe I'll play

a small part."

Yeah, I didn't know this,

like he thought,

"Well, he wrote it,

he's making another movie.

Maybe I'll-I'll--

I'll help him out."

And then he asked

if he could be the guy,

which was

really awesome.

Okay

Chippin' around...

Robin:

I've been through it

with-- over the years,

and you kinda

come through it

out the other side.

It was like,

"Wow, you're alive."

(singer vocalizing)

Robin:

"You're still here, homey.

Let's see what happens."

It's the terror of knowing

What this world is about,

watching some good friends...

Robin:

Initially, it was

just supposed to be

diving off the board

fully clothed.

I went,

"I'm shedding

everything.

"It's all gone. This is--

I'm-- I'm freeing

myself totally."

People on streets

Turned away...

And all day long,

I was like,

"Hey, how you doing?

Holy crap."

Hello,

Mr. Diggler.

I do not understand

why you could be...

-Insecure?

-...insecure.

I don't even know

how you--

I just thought you

were bow-legged

all these years.

Interviewer:
We're just

waiting for Popeye 2,

the nude version.

-That would be scary.

-Interviewer:

The Nude Naps.

"It eats the spinach. Oh.

Olive, you got no tits

and a tight box."

Did you just say, "It eat--

it eats the spinach"?

Is that Popeye

in Silence

of the Lambs?

-Yeah.

-"It eats the spinach."

You're throwing spinach

down the hole.

"It eats the spinach."

(both laughing)

Craig Ferguson:

Congratulations on getting

married. That's lovely.

-It's wonderful, isn't it?

-Yeah, it's very nice.

Getting married

for the third time,

my best man,

Bobcat, said,

"It's like bringing

a burn victim

-to a firework show."

-(laughter)

Did he say that

during his speech?

-Yes.

-God Bless him.

Isn't that lovely?

Three strikes,

you're out.

That's it.

Yeah. I wouldn't

do that again.

No, if you do it again, that's--

you have to give up

a body part. That's it.

"How many times

you've been married, Bill?"

(mumbles)

"Four times.

Four times."

Years went by,

maybe 20 years...

and I just didn't see him.

So...

that's why I agreed

to do his show.

I wanted

to see him.

(clears throat)

Dad?

-Oh!

-(gasps)

Hey, gang!

May I present

Ms. Lily Schecter?

Dawber:

I could just tell something

was really just not right.

He wasn't that happy

soul that he had been.

His body was stiff

and he wasn't

super sharp.

He looked like

a wax figure.

-Simon?

-Mmm?

Where are you?

You're really

different tonight.

Is there

something wrong?

Dawber:

So I started

questioning him.

No, everything

seemed great.

"The new wife,

she's wonderful.

I want you to meet her,

and everything's great."

And he said, "But I'm

really freaked out,

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