Robin Williams - Live on Broadway Page #10

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a flaming a**hole! You're 50!

And can they make a drug

to help you through all of that,

to keep all of your organs intact

'til your golden years? No!

Can they make a drug to give you

mental clarity to your

golden time? No!

They've got a drug to make you

harder than Chinese algebra!

Grandpa can have wood again.

- I don't need the walker!

- I see that!

And your grandmother's going

"Sh*t! I thought the war was over"!

"Get me a tetanus shot, if you gonna

stick me with that rusty thing"!

People have died on Viagra.

They have to have the open coffin...

"Oh, dear God, I don't

remember Pete being like that".

"Kids, go get some horse shoes".

"He would've wanted it that way".

You used to get that from some

strange Chinese aphrodisiac.

Like humming bird

eyelash and rhino horn.

To give you great masculinity.

But now you're on Viagra.

You are back! You are Frankencock!

You are "the Inseminator"!

You are ready to go!

You're gonna be going for one

hour, one hour and a half!

Guys are going "Yeah"!

Women are going "Uh-uh".

Cause after the first hour,

your wife's going

"Yay, oh, big daddy..."

"Listen, I got sh*t to do, OK"?

"Hello"?

"Yeah, I'll be late today.

Viagra, f***ing..."

"I'll try and get there.

Go outside with that thing"!

You can't go outside with a hard-on

cause the cat just

waits for you to go...

And your dog is going,

"Wow, you too"?!

Can't go to work like

- Hey, Bob!

- How're you, Pete?

"I'm happy to be here today"!

Direct traffic,

no, you can't do sh*t!

You have to make it

go away. You slap it.

It's like one of those

punch-me clowns.

"I'm not going anywhere"!

You have to finish it off.

In the old days was...

Now, after an hour and a half,

you've got more semen

than the Fifth Fleet.

So, when you go, it's like...

Oh, my eyes!

And your wife goes, "Now you

know how it feels, a**hole"!

"Aim for the tits, Hawk Eye"!

"I'm like a Lawn Boy!

Get out"!

"Save yourselves"!

- Not the drapes!

- Too late... I own them now.

You run out of semen and

your testicles are going

"We still got an erection, chief"!

"Give me blood, give me urine,

any fluid"!

"Oh, God, please make

this f***ing sh*t go away"!

You do every goofy,

f***ing orgasmic thing...

"Don't touch it"!

"Don't look at it"!

"Don't even think about it"!

And then you realize that God,

gave you a penis and a brain.

And only enough blood

to run one at a time.

You have lost thoughts

from your childhood.

And then you hear these

words from your lady...

"My turn"!

"You can't f***ing be serious"!

"Look at me, I'm Goo Boy!

What are you doing"?

"That's right, Corky!

It's time to saddle up".

"We're heading South of the border".

"You gotta please Missy".

I have one question for the ladies...

Do we look like this?

"Are you almost there"?

"No, no, no.

I will finish"!

"I love you"!

"I love you!

I will finish".

"I can take it.

I just can't feel my tongue".

"Who's your daddy"?

"I love you"!

"I will finish".

Good night!

Thank you!

Thank you!

This night for New York!

What are we gonna do tonight, Marty?

Good night!

You're the best!

We did it!

My pink lady...

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