Robodoc Page #2

efficiently and inexpensively,

do the work of a dozen human doctors.

MD-63 will now demonstrate his ability

to perform the world's

fastest physical examination.

Ah, John from the mail room

was kind enough to volunteer

to be the first patient.

Okay.

MD-63...

...begin.

Oh, my gosh!

He's totally crushing that guy's nuts.

Shut him down!

- I'm trying!

- Shut him down!

We give you $3 billion of research money,

and you give us a defective,

ball-busting bucket of bolts.

Frank, how nice of you to stand up

and volunteer to be the next patient.

Meeting adjourned.

Let's go, hurry up.

You.

Get that high-tech, groin-grabbing,

crotch-crunching nutcracker fixed! Now.

MD-63 starts tomorrow morning

at North Mercy hospital.

Did you say North Mercy?

Did you say tomorrow?

Yes, have you got a problem with that?

No, no. No problem.

Good.

Because he will be in that hospital

tomorrow as a doctor,

or the two of you will be in the hospital

as patients.

Pasqual, stay with them,

make sure they get it done.

Look at my client!

Look at the hideous scar you left across

his forehead, Doctor... um...

Sosumi!

Doctor, I am suing you!

No, no, my name is Dr. Sosumi.

Okay, then, Doctor.

What possible justification

can you have for leaving that horrible scar?

I had to operate to save his life.

To save his life!

What kind of life do you think

my client's going to have now,

now that you've butchered his skull?

My client may look like a monster,

but you, you doctor,

are the monster.

Doctor, did you warn my client,

Mr. Martin,

that he was going to have a horrible scar

before you ruthlessly

and maliciously hacked open his skull?

No, he fall off bar stool.

He was unconscious. He was in coma.

Oh, I see.

Hey! He was unconscious, he was in a coma,

so you figured, what the hell?

I can do whatever I wanted.

What if you wanted to have sex with him?

Did you, doctor? Did you

have sex with Mr. Martin?

- Did you?

- What? You're crazy!

Did you flip him over

and do the horizontal hula?

Order! Order in the court!

No more questions, Your Honor.

The sight of this...

...doctor makes me sick.

Yeah, $2 million dollars for a scar

on a drunk whose life isn't worth a nickel.

Don't worry, you'll get

your usual finders fee.

Hey, I gotta go, I got some business

I gotta chase down.

Thanks, buddy.

You're welcome, Jake. Very welcome.

Thank you for coming, Dr. Mills.

Looks like you've found

another patient for your clinic.

I'm a afraid your son is cross-eyed.

Has Dr. Callaby come down yet?

What are you doing?

Charting vital signs.

And who is taking these vital signs?

The machine over there.

So you're telling this machine

what that machine is doing?

Yeah, that's my job.

Oh, we're the people

whose job it is to take care of the patients.

See, that's what they look like.

They're over there, those living

actual human things over there.

We have too many of those,

not enough nurses,

not enough doctors, not enough time,

and too many computers.

Are you listening to me?

No, because you're talking to a computer.

Let me guess. You're the mime.

I'll take that as a yes.

What seems to be the problem?

Your nose...

...is running.

You have a runny nose.

Anything else?

Your throat...

sounds like...

saw... sore! Your throat is sore.

That's really funny,

a mime with a sore throat.

Here, why don't you have a lozenge,

and I'll write you a prescription.

Don't be afraid, I'm a doctor.

Go ahead.

You know, it's kind of funny,

when I was a kid, I really wanted to be a mime.

I used to do that box thing

for hours, I'd be like...

You know?

What? It's not that bad.

You don't have to be insulting, buddy.

Oh, my God!

Come here.

Oh, excuse me.

- Out of the way!

- Got a live one here!

- Watch out.

- Come on.

Dr. Callaby, we need you right now!

We got a multiple trauma.

He's got an open head injury,

a ruptured spleen,

and chopped liver.

His BP is 25 over 5.

This guy's a mess.

I don't have time for this today.

I have to be on the golf

course in ten minutes.

Everyone on my count,

one, two,

three!

Dr. Callaby, that man is going to die

unless you get him into surgery right now.

That man is going to die

no matter what I do right now.

So, if it's all the same to you,

I'd rather be playing golf.

You walk out, I report you

to the state medical board.

Oh, and while you're at it,

why don't you inform them

that I am the only doctor on staff

that has never been sued for malpractice.

If you'll excuse me, the green is calling.

Get back here, Callaby.

I'm going to count to three.

One, two, three...

Fore!

It's getting late.

You guys finished with this tin can yet?

Well, I adjusted his tactile sensors

so he doesn't crush anymore... right.

And right now, I'm scanning this month's

medical journals to update his database.

We're almost done, okay?

He'll be ready by morning.

He better be.

Damn it.

If this doesn't work, we're both dead.

Speaking of dead,

I better have a talk with Lauren Mills

before we bring him up

on the floor tomorrow.

Whaddya say we just

get a last meal?

How about pizza?

Sounds good, let's go.

Hey!

Rise and shine.

That includes you, Mr. Mime Molester.

What?

What did I do?

Nothing, other than the mime.

Come on. I didn't do the mime.

In my country, it is strictly forbidden to have

sexual relations with mimes.

Bearded ladies, yes, but mimes, never.

What country are you from?

I'm from Akmannycaca,

we are listed first in the U.N. Phone book.

Did you hear me?

Come on, we've got a backlog from last night.

Look at this.

We have 38...

...37 patients to see.

He was in my parking spot.

We've been through this Jason.

I know we talked about this.

I just wanna be sure you understand.

I just, I want you to be prepared.

I know you were in love with my brother,

but this isn't him.

It's created in his image.

But it's a machine, it isn't human.

He isn't... It isn't Robert.

It was a long time ago.

I'm over it.

Then why do you

still wear the watch he gave you?

I need to know the time.

Richard, I've got some

great news for you!

I found you another doctor.

Oh, thank goodness.

Welcome aboard, Doctor...

Uh, I'm not the doctor.

This is your doctor.

Hello, Dr. Roskin.

I'm Medical Device model number MD-63.

I'm a new mechanized, computerized,

physician replacement.

This is a... This is a good joke.

What? A hidden camera

around here somewhere?

I'll just let you two get acquainted.

That's funny, it is.

It's no joke, doctor.

I'm Jason Dockery,

M.D. 63's chief technician.

I'm here to get you acquainted

with his features.

Features?

I asked Buttkiss for a doctor with a pulse,

I don't need an

overgrown coffee maker.

Coffee? Would you like it black?

Or with cream and sugar?

Buttkiss!

Maybe he wanted tea?

Buttkiss! You promised me a doctor!

You've given me a vending machine

with a stethoscope.

So you've met M.D. 63.

I hear he's a very expensive,

highly-specialized device.

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