Robodoc Page #3

I don't need a device.

I need a living, breathing doctor.

Well, forget it!

Look around, Richard.

Lawsuits, malpractice rates,

decreasing reimbursements.

All the breathing doctors are quitting.

Just give it a chance. Maybe you'll learn

something from this robot doctor.

And I need another nurse!

One made of flesh would be nice.

Half-caf, triple grande,

three sugars, soy.

No whipped mocha.

Me, too.

Come on, Doctor Coffee,

we're late for rounds.

Back straight, stomach out a tiny bit,

put your feet down,

right in the middle...

Gentlemen! Let us begin.

Allow me to introduce the

newest addition to our staff.

This is what corporate now

refers to as a physician.

Wait a minute,

you have got to be kidding.

Is he a...

Yes, right down to his CPU.

Dr. Keefe, your presentation.

Speaking of P.U.,

Mrs. Flaherty is a morbidly obese,

flatulent, malodorous...

Alright, okay, we get the point,

she's fat and smelly.

Mrs. Flaherty is a 52-year-old woman

who is suffering from abdominal pain.

Let me take a look.

Mrs. Flaherty,

does it hurt when I do this?

Does it hurt when I do this?

Mrs. Flaherty,

when was the last time you ate?

About ten minutes ago.

Ah. And what did you eat?

I had a rack of lamb,

a side of beef,

four fried chickens,

and some Chinese.

Ah, some Chinese food?

Or some Chinese people?

Doctors, it appears that

Mrs. Flaherty has...

an old-fashioned stomach-ache.

If we're all in agreement, let's get her

some antacid and get her out of here.

I disagree.

Oh, the toaster speaks.

This woman has acute appendicitis.

I've seen her naked.

Trust me, she doesn't have a cute anything.

She needs surgery now.

Okay, I am not going to

stand here and justify myself

to some motorized mannequin.

I am Chief of Surgery,

and I say she's out of here.

She's outta here!

If you do not open her up, I will.

You couldn't open a can of beans, tin man.

Well, actually...

Fine!

Go right ahead.

But who's going to help you, huh?

MD-63 doesn't need any help.

He shifts automatically

between anesthesiologist,

surgeon and scrub nurse mode.

One red hot appendix, doctor.

What is he doing now?

Since MD-63 is programmed to perform

the duties of 58 medical sub specialists,

he can diagnose and treat

any patient all on his own.

Mama!

What the hell did you do to her?

An appendectomy. I also

took the liberty of performing liposuction,

tummy tuck, face lift

and breast augmentation.

Thank you, doctor.

Beginner's luck.

Ma'am, we're going to have

to repeat that exam.

Yeah, right buddy.

He was my creation, you know.

I created him.

Just because they've installed in you

all of the finest, latest medical technology,

that doesn't make you a real doctor.

Bonacasa, will you show "it" around?

Yes, sir.

Don't worry about him.

He's still trying to figure

out how to use his cell phone.

I hit it, I hit it!

There you are, sweetie.

You need to stay in the clinic, okay?

I hope he didn't hurt... you.

Dr. Mills, this is MD-63

Have you met before?

No, it's just he...

...reminds me of

someone I used to know.

Perhaps it's one of my prototypes.

I've been told I bear

a striking resemblance

to MD models 48, 57, and 59 through 61.

The nurses are all talking about you.

They call you RoboDoc.

You can call me Lauren.

I run the children's clinic.

You're a pediatrician?

With a sub-specialization

in cross-eyed children.

We hope to cure them one day.

Dr. Von Schmekel in Germany

is doing some wonderful research.

But until they find a cure, I teach them

to function in a straight-eyed world.

Yeah. Well, it looks like

you're doing a bang-up job.

Cute kid.

If you'll excuse us, I've got to show

RoboDoc around the hospital.

It was nice meeting you.

I hit the ball! I hit the ball!

Yes, you did, Joey.

Yes, you did.

I think I see the problem.

Is RoboCrock qualified to handle

psychiatric patients?

Psychiatry isn't in his

automated menu, however,

I can put him in that mode, manually.

With this psychiatry memory stick.

Did they follow you here?

They who?

They! The CIA.,

F.B.I., K.G.B.,

N.R.A., A.A.R.P.,

N.A.A.C.P.!

No.

Listen, Doc, you gotta help me.

The space aliens can read my mind.

They put a chip in my head, doc.

Sir,

there's nothing wrong with

having a chip in your head.

Doc! Oh, no!

They got you, too.

That certainly did not produce

the intended therapeutic effect.

Doctor, come quick we

have a patient crashing.

Let's see how you handle this one.

He just stopped breathing.

Perhaps he's angry at his mother.

What?

Tell me, what was your childhood like?

Oh, he's still in psychiatrist mode.

He's absolutely useless.

Get him out of here.

We've lost his pulse.

Go ahead, call a code,

get the crash cart.

No time for that.

Clear.

Thanks, Doc.

I feel great.

Did you say something about my mother?

Hi.

I'm new Nurse Fonda,

Fonda Johnsons.

Guys?

Hello?

Hello?

Not to be offensive in any way,

but you seem to be so well...

put together... You're not a robot?

Excuse me?

Are you real?

Well, most of me is.

Mr. Buttkiss said I can't start working

until I get my employment physical.

So, which one of your strong and handsome

young doctors wants to do it?

I think I just did it in my pants.

RoboCrock,

how about you performing

the employment exam on Nurse Johnsons?

Certainly, chief.

Right this way, miss.

If you need any help, my teeth

make a great panty retractor.

Charming.

Now, all we have left is a pelvic exam.

Hop into the stirrups.

Well, it's not like you'll

be the first mechanical device in there.

But I'm warning you,

I've always found these

exams rather unpleasant.

Don't worry, I will do everything possible

to make this a pleasurable experience.

I think I just did it again.

Everything is fine

except for those unusual pelvic spasms.

No smoking!

Good morning.

I took the liberty of drawing blood,

reviewing charts,

performing surgery,

and discharging most of our patients.

I also made coffee for you.

In the doctor's lounge.

Wow.

What time did you get in this morning?

I never left. I do not need to sleep.

If you did all of the work

on our patients last night,

what are we going to do?

We are going to go on rounds.

How about a round of golf?

That's your Mulligan.

Let's tee it up, boys.

Golf? What is golf?

Well, you hit a ball into a cup 18 times.

What is the point?

I don't know.

Do you like whacking balls?

Callaby, we're on medical rounds.

We don't need a surgeon.

See, Dick? I'm just here

for the entertainment.

I might even learn something

from Dr. Scissorhands, huh?

Doctor Bonacasa, present your patient.

Mr. Malaka is a 45-year-old white male

with a five-day history

of high fever and rash.

All the classic symptoms

of Lyme Disease.

But he's not yet responded

to the appropriate antibiotic medication.

Well, perhaps we should

switch to a more broad spectrum coverage.

Well, I don't know.

Maybe he has appendicitis, too.

Has anybody asked the walking can opener

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