Robodoc Page #6

He will operate on and cure

all of the cross-eyed children.

The... Ah, MD-63.

Would you care to share a few words?

Thank you...

...all for coming.

Coming.

It's all right, everybody.

Everything's fine.

Just, uh, stage fright.

This hunk ofjunk had better be ready

to perform delicate

eye surgery tomorrow morning.

Or I'll be arranging

a special surgical procedure for you.

And it won't be delicate.

Ha. Thank you for joining us.

We look forward to

seeing you tomorrow morning.

How is he?

Well, he's still touch and go.

The synchronization chip is fried.

I need to find a donor.

Donor? What is it?

Somebody who lends

something to somebody.

But that's not important right now.

I need a chip, you know, from a cell phone,

or a pager or a digital watch.

Here. Here. Take my beeper

I don't want it anyway.

Thanks, but I know I'm

gonna need more chips.

I need to find a match.

It's his only chance.

Let's give him everything we got.

Come on.

I'm going back in.

- Good luck.

- Thanks.

Wake up, everyone.

- Hey.

- You made it!

Look at that. Everything working?

Yes, and guess what.

I didn't need any of

the cell phones or pagers.

The matching chip came

from Dr. Mills' watch.

Thank you, Lauren.

You're welcome.

Now let's go straighten

some crossed eyes.

- Yes.

- All right.

Uh, sorry.

Didn't realize you were still on the charger.

Big Jake, the sardine can

is on his way to surgery,

and we are on our way to being filthy,

disgustingly stinky, outrageously rich.

Uh, give me a nice,

clean sterile surgery here, okay?

You hear the bell, you start cutting.

What the hell is this?

"Cut the optic nerve?"

Oh, God.

Oh, my G... I gotta stop him.

I am done.

It's dark in here.

Just a minute.

I'm taking the bandage off now.

They're straight. You did it!

Are you gonna take the bandages off?

Everyone back!

Look, he's blind!

Oh, look!

All the children are blind!

They're all blind!

I'm calling a lawyer.

Jake Gorman. Attorney-at-law.

You called?

This guy's like a toilet,

always around when sh*t goes down.

I'm calling Risk Management.

I'm calling the police.

But the blindness is just temporary.

Tell it to the judge.

Marcus, we're gonna have more money

than you know what to do with.

Oh, ha ha, I know what to do with it.

I'm going to see the world.

Yeah. It's just a shame that

the poor little blind children

won't be able to see the world.

Ha! Just kidding!

Please state your name.

MD-63.

But most people call me RoboDoc.

Does the MD mean that

you're a medical doctor?

No. It stands for medical device.

You're not just any medical device.

In fact, you're a highly advanced robot

whose database contains all of mankind's

medical and surgical knowledge.

So when you performed surgery

on these children,

you've simply

followed your programming,

and performed the procedure

exactly as specified.

No.

No?

I have no more questions, Your Honor.

MD-63.

Why do people call you RoboDoc?

Because I perform the functions of a doctor.

You perform the functions of a doctor.

What other functions do you perform?

I do not understand your question.

For instance, do you make coffee?

Yes.

- Do you toast bread?

- Yes.

- Open cans.

- Yes.

So you're a coffee maker, toaster,

and can opener,

that also happens

to be a doctor and an eye surgeon?

Yes.

Where did you go to medical school?

I did not.

- High school?

- No.

The fact is that you perform

the work of a doctor,

and you didn't even graduate

from kindergarten. Is that correct?

You are not qualified

to operate on the eyes of a child.

I wouldn't even

let you touch the eyes of a potato.

State your name.

Dr. William Von Schmekel.

Dr. Von Schmekel,

you developed the surgical technique

used by the defendant?

Ja, and I heard it worked perfectly.

Doctor, these children are blind.

Ja, but their eyes are straight.

But does your procedure

usually cause blindness?

How should I know?

I only did the procedure on rats and mice.

You see this little fellow?

He used to be cross-eyed.

Yes, doctor, we can

all see that his eyes are straight.

But has this rodent

been blinded by your procedure?

How should I know?

I speak German, and I speak English,

but I don't speak rat.

Perhaps you should ask him.

You shut your filthy,

stinking little lying rat hole!

Mr. Gorman!

I mean, sorry.

He is a menace.

When I think of the tears being shed

by those... poor defenseless, innocent...

prepubescent...

beautiful little children...

He forced me into the supply closet,

and he touched me like no other

battery-operated device

has ever touched me before.

Look what he did to me!

He took out my appendix,

and left this ugly, hideous scar.

I didn't do the mime.

Hey, shut up!

Quiet! You're not the one on trial here.

Yet.

Members of the jury,

have you reached a verdict?

We have, your honor.

We, the jury, find the defendant

MD-63 guilty.

And we recommend

that he be disassembled

and recycled for parts.

We further order that RIP Healthcare

pay the plaintiffs $3,577 trillion

and 37 cents.

And how did you arrive at that figure?

It's all the money in the world, judge.

Don't worry, everything's gonna be okay.

RoboDoc, rise.

MD-63, you are hereby sentenced

to incarceration at Big Bernie's

Auto Wreckers and Salvage yard

until the day of your demolition,

when you will be crushed down

to the size of a soda can,

and may God have mercy

on your mainframe.

We lost how much?

That's imposs...

So many patients, no doctors.

Thank you for coming in to help.

No problem, it's good to be back.

You, you, you, you...

Sorry.

I cannot believe

they're going to recycle me.

I'm going to miss you guys.

Well, you can see me twice a week,

if they turn you into a set of golf clubs.

Come on, guys.

You know, we can't let them do this.

We can break him out of here.

You know, how big can Big Barnie be?

You know, I'm not afraid of him.

Listen, Robo... Doc.

I know you and I got started

on the wrong foot,

but it was nothing personal.

It's just that over the years,

I've seen so many computers

and machines brought into the hospital.

It was like they were becoming

more important than the patients.

So I'm the last one you would ever think

would support the idea of a robot doctor,

but... Wait. Wait. Wait.

You big... You big...

You've changed my mind,

you've opened my eyes.

You've shown a level

of expertise and efficiency

that most doctors can only dream about.

You've treated your patients

with kindness, with dignity.

You've been an inspiration to all of us

to become better doctors,

better people.

You've become a friend.

You've got the heart of a man,

you've got the soul of a man.

And you're taking this like a man.

My oil plug. It must've popped out.

It's time.

What's this word?

Blind.

"Three blind mice.

See how they run."

You can see?

You can all see.

Let's go save RoboDoc!

Excuse me!

We need to get to the junkyard fast!

Let's get a move on, RoboCrock.

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