Robodoc Page #5

are my malpractice cases?

I'm doing the best I can,

but this boy's infallible

and he's only getting better.

He's only a machine.

He has to have a weakness.

Find it!

RoboDoc is a huge success.

I've never seen such glowing evaluations.

"RoboDoc saved my life."

"RoboDoc made my labor

and delivery so easy,

I wished I was having his baby."

Not me, the person...

No one cares, Buttkiss.

Delivering babies...

We need him to do

something really big.

If we can get that freaky,

waxy face of his

splattered on the cover

of every newspaper in the country, then...

...then, Buttkiss,

our stock would go through the roof.

Excuse me sir, the newest

Public Service Announcement

for the Cross-Eyed Children's Clinic

is ready for your review.

I wanna be a pilot.

I wanna be a doctor.

Don't touch me.

I'm calling the police!

Please donate generously

to the Cross-eyed Children's Clinic

of North Mercy Hospital.

There. The cross-eyed kids.

Yeah, I know. It's horrible.

No, Buttkiss.

If RoboDoc could cure them,

then... I'd be a billionaire.

What am I saying?

I am a billionaire.

I'd be a...

Gazillionaire.

Gazillionaire.

Nice work, Buttkiss.

The cafeteria's gotta

get rid of this 10W-40.

He's only supposed to have synthetic.

When you finish with him,

do you think you could rotate my tires?

Oh, quite a setup you have here. Yes.

Very impressive.

It'sjust been amazing how you've

been able to put RoboDoc together.

It was nothing, really.

Anybody with

a Master's degree from MIT,

a Ph. D from Harvard,

and a certificate from

the ACS Automotive Technical

Institute could've done it.

Well, I've been very impressed

with RoboDoc's job performance.

It seems he never makes a mistake.

He doesn't.

His programming won't allow it.

Really? Tell me more.

You ever hear the term

"Garbage in, garbage out"?

Any computer system is only as good

as the information you put into it.

While I'm changing his oil and brake fluid,

Kevin here is scanning the latest

medical journals into his database.

And, um, how does all

of this information, uh,

get into his head?

It doesn't.

His head... is empty.

The only thing in his head

is this communications module.

Any information he needs,

he retrieves from this database.

For example, we just finished scanning

an article on how

to surgically repair cross-eyed kids.

There's no such cure.

Can I see that?

Sure, but I don't think

you'll understand it.

I am a highly experienced doctor.

I assure you...

I don't understand this.

This is written in German.

It's a new procedure

written by Dr. Von Schmekel

from the University of Dusseldorf.

It hasn't been translated yet,

But that's okay, because RoboDoc

knows 78 human languages,

and 15 animal languages.

Impressive.

And right now, we're getting him ready

to perform the new surgery

to cure all the kids

in the Cross-eyed Clinic.

You don't say.

Well, thank you

so much for the tour.

It's been enlightening,

and I hope you seal him up tight.

Wouldn't want RoboDoc

to blow a gasket

at the medical staff

dinner tonight, would we?

The medical staff dinner?

Damn! I forgot.

Kevin, run out,

rent RoboDoc a tuxedo.

I'll pick up some chrome polish.

We gotta make him shine tonight.

I'm on it.

And she has the most beautiful hair.

It's so silky, so smooth.

Enough already.

I've heard this from you a million times.

Just this once, why don't you tell her.

Nurse Kim.

I don't know what to say to you,

I think you're so beautiful.

Thanks. I've got work to do.

Wait. Wait.

I... I know we'll have beautiful

babies together.

You wanna have a baby.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Uh, easy.

I just hit the switch.

You sure did, baby.

All right, quiet on the set, everybody.

Ready on camera three.

Have still store two buffered and ready.

Jake, ready.

And, uh, three, two...

Is your baby ugly?

Sue your doctor.

Not feeling springtime fresh?

Sue your doctor.

Have you lost a testicle, an eyeball,

or some other small but

pricey piece of your body?

Sue your doctor.

Because of some greedy

doctor's negligence,

this sweet 98-year old woman

won't live to see her great-great-

great-great-grandchildren.

With my help,

she's gonna sue her doctor.

I'm Jake Gorman, attorney-at-law,

and I care for you.

And cut.

Jeez!

Would somebody change

the old bat's diaper?

She's carrying

the grandmother lode in there.

I just can't get that taste out of my mouth.

What do they feed these people?

Phone call for Mr. Gorman.

Hello?

Jakey, baby! Great news. It's Dr. C.

I not only found out a

way to take RoboDoc down,

but also make us very, very, very rich.

Wait. Wait, let me get this straight.

Blind kids? Oh, this is fantastic.

Hang on a second, let me add this up.

Loss of sight in one eye

is worth $1 million.

Times two eyes per blind kid,

plus $50 million in punitive damages

against RIP Healthcare,

minus 60% for those

stinking blind kids,

that leaves us with a grand total of...

Garbage in.

Good, Joey. Swing it harder.

Don't you wanna play

with the other children, sweetie?

No. I can't get it to work right.

What, honey,

what won't work right?

This game.

When I try to swing the axe

to chop off their heads,

the screen freezes.

So sorry, sweetie.

Let me give it a try.

Let me take a look at it.

I know a little something about computers.

Okay, that would be great.

Thank you.

It's not Robert.

It's just a machine.

Hi, RoboDoc.

Are you going to the dinner tonight?

Yes, I will be there.

Well, good,

'cause I'm gonna wear

something special just for you.

Excuse me.

I don't care if he is a robot,

I'm gonna make him a man tonight.

Fill your pockets, fill your cheeks,

this is the best free food

you'll see for weeks.

Come on, scoop and move, buddy.

I am wanting you

to meet my fiance Pontangpu.

Damn. Glad to meet you.

She doesn't speak English.

It was, uh, nice to meet you.

I'm gonna have a baby.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, no.

The, uh, proctologist's wife says

"I guess we're just both

in love with a**holes."

Oh, my God.

I'm in dire need of medical attention.

If you're catching a cold from being

in that outfit, maybe I can help you.

I don't need a pediatrician.

I'm a grown woman.

I need a real doctor.

What's the matter, cat got your tongue?

Well, what do you have to say now?

I'm not feeling so good.

Oh, my God.

How revolting, you bastard!

Oh, I see how you are.

You gave me the best

pelvic exam of my life,

and then you just walk away

like it means nothing.

God.

I hope there's a junkyard in hell.

I am proud to announce that

the newest member of our...

Of our medical staff, MD-63,

Of our medical staff, MD-63,

also known as RoboDoc,

has performed his

duties flawlessly in the trial period.

So, tomorrow, we will turn

his considerable talents

to those most in need.

Our children.

Tomorrow... Please.

Tomorrow morning, RoboDoc

is scheduled to perform

the most ambitious surgical feat

in the history of medicine.

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