Robodoc Page #5
are my malpractice cases?
I'm doing the best I can,
but this boy's infallible
and he's only getting better.
He's only a machine.
He has to have a weakness.
Find it!
RoboDoc is a huge success.
I've never seen such glowing evaluations.
"RoboDoc saved my life."
"RoboDoc made my labor
and delivery so easy,
I wished I was having his baby."
Not me, the person...
No one cares, Buttkiss.
Delivering babies...
We need him to do
something really big.
If we can get that freaky,
waxy face of his
splattered on the cover
of every newspaper in the country, then...
...then, Buttkiss,
our stock would go through the roof.
Excuse me sir, the newest
Public Service Announcement
for the Cross-Eyed Children's Clinic
is ready for your review.
I wanna be a pilot.
I wanna be a doctor.
Don't touch me.
I'm calling the police!
Please donate generously
to the Cross-eyed Children's Clinic
of North Mercy Hospital.
There. The cross-eyed kids.
Yeah, I know. It's horrible.
No, Buttkiss.
If RoboDoc could cure them,
then... I'd be a billionaire.
What am I saying?
I am a billionaire.
I'd be a...
Gazillionaire.
Gazillionaire.
Nice work, Buttkiss.
The cafeteria's gotta
get rid of this 10W-40.
He's only supposed to have synthetic.
When you finish with him,
do you think you could rotate my tires?
Oh, quite a setup you have here. Yes.
Very impressive.
It'sjust been amazing how you've
been able to put RoboDoc together.
It was nothing, really.
Anybody with
a Master's degree from MIT,
a Ph. D from Harvard,
and a certificate from
the ACS Automotive Technical
Institute could've done it.
Well, I've been very impressed
with RoboDoc's job performance.
It seems he never makes a mistake.
He doesn't.
His programming won't allow it.
Really? Tell me more.
You ever hear the term
"Garbage in, garbage out"?
Any computer system is only as good
as the information you put into it.
While I'm changing his oil and brake fluid,
Kevin here is scanning the latest
medical journals into his database.
And, um, how does all
of this information, uh,
get into his head?
It doesn't.
His head... is empty.
The only thing in his head
is this communications module.
Any information he needs,
he retrieves from this database.
For example, we just finished scanning
an article on how
to surgically repair cross-eyed kids.
There's no such cure.
Can I see that?
Sure, but I don't think
you'll understand it.
I am a highly experienced doctor.
I assure you...
I don't understand this.
This is written in German.
It's a new procedure
written by Dr. Von Schmekel
from the University of Dusseldorf.
It hasn't been translated yet,
But that's okay, because RoboDoc
knows 78 human languages,
and 15 animal languages.
Impressive.
And right now, we're getting him ready
to perform the new surgery
to cure all the kids
in the Cross-eyed Clinic.
You don't say.
Well, thank you
so much for the tour.
It's been enlightening,
and I hope you seal him up tight.
Wouldn't want RoboDoc
to blow a gasket
at the medical staff
dinner tonight, would we?
The medical staff dinner?
Damn! I forgot.
Kevin, run out,
rent RoboDoc a tuxedo.
I'll pick up some chrome polish.
We gotta make him shine tonight.
I'm on it.
And she has the most beautiful hair.
It's so silky, so smooth.
Enough already.
I've heard this from you a million times.
Just this once, why don't you tell her.
Nurse Kim.
I don't know what to say to you,
I think you're so beautiful.
Thanks. I've got work to do.
Wait. Wait.
I... I know we'll have beautiful
babies together.
You wanna have a baby.
Well, why didn't you say so?
Uh, easy.
I just hit the switch.
You sure did, baby.
All right, quiet on the set, everybody.
Ready on camera three.
Have still store two buffered and ready.
Jake, ready.
And, uh, three, two...
Is your baby ugly?
Sue your doctor.
Not feeling springtime fresh?
Sue your doctor.
Have you lost a testicle, an eyeball,
or some other small but
pricey piece of your body?
Sue your doctor.
Because of some greedy
doctor's negligence,
this sweet 98-year old woman
won't live to see her great-great-
great-great-grandchildren.
With my help,
she's gonna sue her doctor.
I'm Jake Gorman, attorney-at-law,
and I care for you.
And cut.
Jeez!
Would somebody change
the old bat's diaper?
She's carrying
the grandmother lode in there.
I just can't get that taste out of my mouth.
What do they feed these people?
Phone call for Mr. Gorman.
Hello?
Jakey, baby! Great news. It's Dr. C.
I not only found out a
way to take RoboDoc down,
but also make us very, very, very rich.
Wait. Wait, let me get this straight.
Blind kids? Oh, this is fantastic.
Hang on a second, let me add this up.
Loss of sight in one eye
is worth $1 million.
Times two eyes per blind kid,
plus $50 million in punitive damages
against RIP Healthcare,
minus 60% for those
stinking blind kids,
that leaves us with a grand total of...
Garbage in.
Good, Joey. Swing it harder.
Don't you wanna play
with the other children, sweetie?
No. I can't get it to work right.
What, honey,
what won't work right?
This game.
When I try to swing the axe
to chop off their heads,
the screen freezes.
So sorry, sweetie.
Let me give it a try.
Let me take a look at it.
I know a little something about computers.
Okay, that would be great.
Thank you.
It's not Robert.
It's just a machine.
Hi, RoboDoc.
Are you going to the dinner tonight?
Yes, I will be there.
Well, good,
'cause I'm gonna wear
something special just for you.
Excuse me.
I don't care if he is a robot,
I'm gonna make him a man tonight.
Fill your pockets, fill your cheeks,
this is the best free food
you'll see for weeks.
Come on, scoop and move, buddy.
I am wanting you
to meet my fiance Pontangpu.
Damn. Glad to meet you.
She doesn't speak English.
It was, uh, nice to meet you.
I'm gonna have a baby.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, no.
The, uh, proctologist's wife says
"I guess we're just both
in love with a**holes."
Oh, my God.
I'm in dire need of medical attention.
If you're catching a cold from being
in that outfit, maybe I can help you.
I don't need a pediatrician.
I'm a grown woman.
I need a real doctor.
What's the matter, cat got your tongue?
Well, what do you have to say now?
I'm not feeling so good.
Oh, my God.
How revolting, you bastard!
Oh, I see how you are.
You gave me the best
pelvic exam of my life,
and then you just walk away
like it means nothing.
God.
I hope there's a junkyard in hell.
I am proud to announce that
the newest member of our...
Of our medical staff, MD-63,
Of our medical staff, MD-63,
also known as RoboDoc,
has performed his
duties flawlessly in the trial period.
So, tomorrow, we will turn
his considerable talents
to those most in need.
Our children.
Tomorrow... Please.
Tomorrow morning, RoboDoc
is scheduled to perform
the most ambitious surgical feat
in the history of medicine.
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"Robodoc" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/robodoc_17056>.
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