Rock the Kasbah Page #5

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get this sh*t off the truck.

Let's get out of here.

[ RICHIE ] In my country we often say

thank you with a song.

Ready? Ready?

Ready?

Smoke on the water

Fire in the night sky

Smoke on the water

Fire in the sky, yeah

[ INSTRUMENTS CONTINUE ]

Bring it home!

Smoke on the water

Fire in the night

Smoke on the water

Fire in the night

Come on. Bring it down!

[ STRUMMING CONTINUES ]

[ ENDS ]

Good night, everybody.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

[ TARIQ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

[ RIZA TRANSLATING ]

"Everything that we have"...

[ TARIQ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"All the wealth of my village,

for what?"

[ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"To buy more bullets,

more guns."

[ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"We are surrounded by enemies."

[ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"The mujahideen warlords."

[ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"Azam Ghol

is my Pashtun brother."

[ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"He comes to take my village,

and he wants us to grow the poppy."

[ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"Twenty-five years of killing."

[ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"I am tired of war,

and I cannot afford the peace."

[ SPEAKING PASHTO ]

"Allah helps the innocent."

We have a saying:

"The Lord works

in mysterious ways."

[ RIZA SPEAKING PASHTO ]

[ BELT BUCKLE CLINKING ]

[ ZIPPER OPENS ]

[ URINATING ]

[ WOMAN ]

Trouble

Oh, trouble, set me free

[ ZIPPER CLOSES ]

I have seen your face

And it's too much,

too much for me

Trouble

Oh, trouble, can't you see?

You're eating my heart away

And there's nothing much

left of me

I've

Drunk your wine

You have made

your world mine

So won't you be fair?

So won't you be fair?

I:

Don't want no more of you

So won't you be kind to me?

Just let me go where

I'll have to go there

Well, la-di-da.

[ SINGSONG ]

Taxi.

I heard a girl

singing just now.

Right over there.

A Pashtun girl.

No. Impossible.

The girl in the red burka.

We saw her today.

No, Pashtun women cannot.

They are forbidden to sing.

The chick in the red burka

didn't get the memo.

This girl...

Oh! Oh, God. Oh!

This girl...

Riza, Richie Lanz is about one thing,

one thing only.

What is it?

Your ears.

My ears.

And signing.

So it's two things.

My ears and signing.

I hear 'em, and I sign 'em.

So simple.

A Pashtun woman?

From this village?

They will kill her,

and then right away, they will kill us.

With big, sharp rocks.

That is simple.

Well, I think you're wrong.

I hope you're wrong.

And I think you're wrong.

Look around. Look at that.

Look at that.

Look at that.

Look at all of that.

And look at me.

What the hell am I doing here?

This is so crazy, so random.

This has got to be fate.

There's got to be

a reason for this.

And the reason is that girl...

and that TV show.

I am supposed to be here.

I will talk.

You will translate.

We will die.

That's the spirit.

I see that none of you

are cable or satellite subscribers.

But I'm pretty sure...

you've heard about

Afghan Star, huh?

- [ RIZA TRANSLATING ]

- It's a big, big hit.

TV show that comes out of Kabul.

[ ROOSTER CROWS ]

[ GOAT BLEATS ]

Heard about it.

Heard about it.

Well, I happen to have

these babies right here.

[ TRANSLATING ]

They're like yours,

but they're magic.

[ RIZA TRANSLATING ]

And I already know

who the winner is.

[ RIZA TRANSLATING ]

I know who's the best,

'cause I heard the winner here last night.

In a cave above your village.

[ RIZA TRANSLATING ]

My all-time guy

would simply tell us,

"Come together, right now,

over her."

[ SHOUTING IN PASHTO ]

Uh, she is Tariq's daughter.

She is Tariq's daughter. Of course.

[ SHOUTING CONTINUES ]

Get out!

He... Is he proud?

He's got to be.

"How dare you

my daughter insult?"

Shame. Dishonor.

"Eternal death."

I mean, he just goes on, sir.

- [ CHANTING IN PASHTO ]

- [ OTHERS CHANTING ]

So I guess that's a "no."

[ CHANTING CONTINUES ]

[ TIRE BLOWS ]

Great. A flat tire.

See? We are cursed.

Oh, come on.

It's a flat tire.

I'm sure you know

how to fix it.

[ ENGINE STOPS ]

[ RIZA GASPS ]

A ninja!

[ RIZA ] Salima.

I must go to Kabul.

Allah gave me this voice.

This is his gift.

Absolutely.

But why are you in my trunk?

I must honor him

with my music.

I must celebrate my God

with my singing.

I must go to Kabul. I must.

Hey, you're preaching

to the choir,

but, you know, your father, family,

apparently will kill me.

Then it is Allah's will,

and we shall die together.

No. No, we shall not.

I have no intention of dying,

ever.

Tell her, Riza.

[ TRANSLATING ]

[ RICHIE ]

Kabul?

That way.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

Hold it right there, Salima.

From the moment

you heard me sing,

since you found me

in the cave,

since we were put here

on this earth,

everything in our lives

has led us to this time, this place.

Richie Lanz,

our story is already written,

and now... now

we shall play our parts.

We must. There is no choice.

It is God's will.

Okay, but I'm

gonna want 20%.

No contract.

Just a handshake.

That's all I've ever had.

A handshake is my word.

Allah loves those

who act justly.

[ RICHIE ] All right.

Back in the trunk.

I'm kidding.

[ MAN ]

People

Do you understand me now?

Sometimes I feel

a little mad

Don't you know no one alive

Can always be an angel

When things go wrong,

I seem a little sad

But I'm just a soul

whose intentions are good

Oh, Lord, please don't

let me be misunderstood

[ RICHIE ] A guy wouldn't have

to walk that far.

[ RIZA ]

I must speak.

Sure. We have time.

I think you are a smart man,

Mr. Richie, and a good one.

All right.

Calm down.

Salima is in danger.

[ RICHIE ]

I will protect her.

[ RIZA ] Against millions?

Where will she even sleep?

I have one bed, one room.

If I bring an unmarried Pashtun

girl in my building,

my neighbors would

tear us apart for the sin.

Do you remember

where we first met?

[ CHATTERING ]

70-30.

You pay room and board,

all out of pocket.

Done.

I also get a taste

of all the merch money.

And I get a taste

of the merch.

In all markets,

all endeavors.

Boys, it's your lucky day.

All right, none of you are leaving here

with a vicious STD.

Downside...

Miss Merci's pulling an early retirement.

Hangin' up my hot pants.

I suggest you go down to the Chinese

whorehouse on Chicken Street.

[ CHATTERING ]

Breakfast, darlin'?

Got Captain Crunch,

Lucky Charms.

I come here for the waitress.

[ MERCI CHUCKLES ]

[ MAN SPEAKING PASHTO ]

[ CHANTING IN DARI ]

[ RICHIE ] Scared is normal.

Scared is okay.

Jon Bon Jovi throws up

before every show.

[ RIZA SPEAKING DARI ]

We're on the list.

Lanz, plus one.

[ RIZA SPEAKING DARI ]

There is no list.

There's always a list.

I appreciate

your passion, but...

Not my passion.

Salima's passion.

I mean, I'm just

a hustler from LA.

You know what's gonna happen

to a Pashtun girl...

that sings on national TV

in this country?

What her family is gonna do, her father?

It's already done.

Just the fact that her coming here,

it's done.

Look... And yet,

she knows this,

and here she stands in front of you

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