Rocket Science Page #5

with the masturbation defense?

Tell her that, will you?

Just assure her

that I'm... that I'm...

that I'm...

that I'm done with masturbation

and I'm ready to show her.

You take care now.

I told Judge Pete about all

the fun you've been having

with debate,

and guess the news?

Heston's a joiner.

Uh, yeah, um...

it's... it's too late,

Heston.

The, um...

the teams have

all been settled.

Coach Lumbly said that after

the first tournament

someone always gets creamed

and never comes back.

So, I'll be

filling that slot,

whomevers that may be.

To discover opportunity

in misery:

There's sense

in that.

That's how

I found you, my love.

Hello?

Connie Ryerson speaking.

Uh...

Virgil?

Is that you?

Uh!

Uh...

Uh, uh...

uh, this is, uh...

this, uh...

this is, uh...

this is...

Hal Hefner for, um...

for...

call... I'm...

I'm calling for, uh...

G- I-N-N-Y...

Ginny.

Hold the line.

Hi, Ginny. It's Hal.

Hey, Hef here.

What's up?

Hal?

Uh, yeah...

yeah?

She says she'll see you at

the debate tomorrow. Okay?

Okay, well,

we...

we... um, I really...

I really...

we... I really...

we need to, uh...

practice with her.

She'll see you then.

Hello?

Good morning, Judge.

Good morning, our esteemed opponents.

N... let's...

Let's begin with our plan.

That the federal

government should...

Shut the mumbling, Susie.

But do not stop working,

because if you fail tomorrow,

the whole Hefner family fails

too, and I am not a failure.

So do not do it!

Uh...

good morning there,

Judge...

good morning,

our esteemed opponents.

When you work

so hard at something,

so hard,

all that extra time...

Wallace, you always tell me balance out,

balance out, balance out...

What are you

talking about?

Ginny Ryerson has transferred

to Townsend Prep

for the rest

of her senior year.

We have an even number so, Hal,

you'll muddle through today with Heston

and we'll reconstitute

the teams tomorrow.

Let's go, Wallace.

Would you like to tell me

what our Affirmative case is?

Or would you rather

it be a surprise?

Uh...

good... good...

good morning there, Judge.

Good, uh... good...

good...

good morning to you,

uh...

both, you, our

esteemed opponents.

Good morning, uh...

The...

ab... ab...

That, uh...

resolved that... that...

that... that... that...

that, uh...

that it, uh...

How much time, timer?

Yeah, hello?

Mr... Mr... uh...

um, Mr...

Hal?

What's the matter?

It's... it's, uh...

it's, uh,

well, it's funny

that you ask, actually.

Um, I've... I'm just...

I'm just here at, um...

I'm at... I'm at...

I'm at Hazlet...

Hazlet High School,

at the debate.

And spent the last...

I've...

I spent the last seven minutes

of my round-one speech

trying... trying to

say the resolution.

- Oh, man.

- Yeah.

Well, there's that video I gave you,

"Singing Instead of Talking. "

Yeah, did, uh... did rat poison

and a straw come with that video?

Well, my ex-girlfriend,

the PhD at Annenberg,

she used to say her brother never

stuttered if he spoke in an accent.

You could try the accent

you know best,

and maybe that

would help.

Well, anyway, I

wouldn't count on it.

Mina's advice was about

as far-fetched as she was.

You know, open

relationships just...

don't work, Hal.

What?

Uh, I'm advising...

that you should

try to do an accent.

- Okay?

- If I do that

you won't see...

you won't see me on Monday.

'Cause I'll already be...

I'll be on a...

I'll probably be

on a plane to...

Can you hold on

for a sec?

Okay, I should...

I should, mayb...

maybe I should...

I should probably go.

Good afternoon,

esteemed opponents

from Glen Rock.

Good afternoon.

Let's get our... let...

let's, uh...

let... let...

let's get, uh, down and...

down and... down and dirty,

shall we, with this...

this thing...

this thing... this thing...

this thing I'll call our plan.

Excuse me, I'm...

I'm... I'm...

I'm...

I'm really sorry.

Slice of pizza or

Sloppy Joes,

and I don't want

to debate about it.

I'll take the pizza.

Townsend Prep's just a really,

really good school.

Slice of pizza

or Sloppy Joes

and I don't want to

debate you on it.

Pizza, two slices.

Slice of pizza, Sloppy Joes,

and I don't want to debate about it.

Um...

I'll...

I'll have the...

not the... the, um...

- the, um...

- We're out of pizza.

Sloppy Joes are

all that's left.

But they're not that terrible if you've

never had really good ones before.

Thank you, ma'am.

She's not here.

Ginny and I don't

eat at tournaments...

draws blood

from the brain.

...will cause

special love in adulthood.

I just...

I don't...

I don't really know

what to do here.

Well, um,

this is the girls' room.

So...

Okay.

I want to read, also,

what one judge wrote

about Virginia.

She wrote:

"Virginia may be

the next Barbara Jordan. "

How about that?

First place,

Individual Speaker...

Virginia Ryerson.

Where's the trophy?

Thank you.

Hal Hefner,

stay a moment, would you?

I'm gonna regroup.

Um, let's be

adults here

and think about who

could use...

a little time

on the sidelines.

Ginny recruited me.

Okay?

She intuited...

intuited that I...

that I...

that my... that my brain

was made for this.

I mean, you can't even...

you can't even ask me a question

without my brain

filling up with retorts.

It's... it's full

of retorts.

Do you know

Mento Buin,

who doesn't speak more

than six words of English?

Or Evie Spedarsky,

who has such pronounced

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

that she's being studied

by a team at Princeton?

No.

What about

Elvis Hunsinger,

the boy who pees

himself in gym class?

Well, everybody knows...

Elvis.

She tried to

recruit them all.

Never crossed my mind that this

could be some scheme of hers,

but, when you

think about it

looks pretty pat.

Your mom's running late

but wants us to...

Hey, now.

Wait a minute.

Let me see.

Oh, Jesus!

Man, oh man!

The most Heston ever hauled in

was an honorable mention

in the Hip-hop

Danceathon.

But this is too much

coming from you!

On behalf of your dad...

This goes on the dining room table

for your mom to see when she gets home.

Whoo!

My dad told me I was

the world's utmost idiot

for not realizing

you won something today.

Please accept my

belated congratulations.

- Hello?

- Hello, Sylvia.

Fern didn't say anything

about Lewis's friends stopping by!

I get paid

per kid!

She can't be

going to bed.

Resolved!

Sylvia, no tip

for you tonight.

F***!

There's a cello

in your house now.

I hate you!

Mommy and

Judge Pete hate you!

Daddy hates you!

Melody, Daddy's new

girlfriend, hates you.

That bottle was reposado,

you doofus dunce!

Uncle Chaz spent

big bucks on that.

Uncle Chaz hates you!

That's all I wanted

to say.

There's pineapple cake

in the fridge.

If you're late I'll eat the whole cake,

so don't be late.

Maybe you should put the

whole debate thing behind you,

all a...

a lark of adolescence.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes