Role Models Page #2

I'm not that interested in

becoming Mrs. Dick-in-a-rut.

Heard that.

Really?

Did you hear that?

Danny?

Maybe you heard that because

you're 2 feet away from us.

That's another one I hate.

"Heard that!"

You don't get married

to get out of a rut.

You get married

because you love someone

and you don't want to spend

your life without them.

Who is this guy? Thank you,

Mr. Garvin. He's a thief.

Falsely accused.

Oh, well.

He looks like Phil Collins.

Yeah. I know.

Look, life is hard,

all right?

We've lived together for

seven years... You know what?

Danny, life is hard, and you've

become the hardest part of my life.

I should really go.

No, you sit down.

You know, Danny?

We do need to

shake things up.

I know!

That's what I'm saying!

I'm moving out.

Wait a minute.

Are you breaking up with me?

Yeah.

Really?

Wow.

Today sucks.

Look, Danny, whenever a door

closes, another opens, okay?

You just have

to look for it.

And, seriously,

you're gonna get

the most insane

sympathy-rebound p*ssy.

And this is a good

month for that, too.

I don't want that.

Look, just keep

it together, bro.

Okay? We got one

more school.

We go out, we'll have a few

brewskis, we'll talk this over.

Just put your

game face on.

Taste the beast!

Stay off drugs!

Minotaur!

Drugs. Why do

kids take drugs?

'Cause they're awesome?

No? Maybe they just

understand that life is pain,

and if you smoke something or take

a pill, it'll go away for a while.

I'll drink to that.

Dude, dude, dude,

dude. Come on.

No, no, no.

People say,

"Embrace life. Enjoy life.

"Just do it!

Live it! Rock it!"

F*** it,

because life is horrible.

You know, I may not be so

happy-go-lucky, but I'm a realist.

Get ready to have

your dreams dashed, kids,

'cause nothing's

gonna work out

the way you

think it's going to.

Chin-chin. By the way,

this stuff's poison.

Game face, bro.

Game face.

What part of "game face"

do you not understand?

What the...

Hey, hey,

hey, hey!

Dude, I thought we

could park here.

And you thought wrong,

you furry f*ggot.

Please, just flip

the switch and put it down.

It's too late.

It's already up.

Come on, please.

Put yourself in my shoes,

would you?

Not my problem.

Dude, please,

could you just be decent?

I'm having a terrible day.

Well, since you put it that

way, it's still not my problem.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, man, can I ask

you a question?

Get the f*** out

of the way, a**hole!

You want me to move?

Game face, buddy.

Danny?

What's he doing?

He's running.

We're running.

We're running!

No, no.

Hey, what are you...

What are you... Get...

I'm the guy that can't

enjoy life? Wrong!

I'm gonna enjoy this!

Right!

Wait, what?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, man,

what you doing?

Whoa, whoa! Danny!

Hey, man!

Holy sh*t, man!

Dude!

Taste the beast!

Stay off drugs.

You guys are f***ed.

I told you, you a**hole!

Beth?

Yes, Wheeler?

I just want to start by saying

I think you're amazing, okay?

You're, like, beauty

and brains incarnate.

So, FYI, there

you go. Okay?

Now, that's that, so as far as this

goes, I didn't do anything here,

so if you wouldn't mind,

you can clear my name,

and I can just walk

right out of here.

Really? Because according to

this, you were a party to...

A party to,

not the party.

...reckless endangerment,

destruction of school property,

obstructing a police officer,

attempted grand theft auto,

disturbing the peace,

parking in a no-parking zone.

Did I ever tell

you you're a dick?

Yeah. Earlier.

And, Danny, they suspended

your license. Did you know that?

Yeah. I figured they

would probably do that.

I mean, did you guys

think this was funny?

You know, if you think about

it, this is kind of your fault.

My... How is

this my fault?

It's your fault because

you just threw it all away,

and I came in here,

I proposed to you...

Your proposal

was bullshit!

But it was real.

It was from the heart!

Shut up! Okay? Shut up!

What's gonna happen?

They wanted to give you 30 days in jail.

What?

But I worked my

magic on the judge,

and instead,

over the next 30 days,

you have to log 150 hours

of community service.

Community service? What,

we got to clean toilets?

No, you're going

to Sturdy Wings.

It's the judge's

favorite organization.

Yes, Wheeler?

What the f***

is Sturdy Wings?

Sturdy Wings is

a simple concept.

Sturdy Wings is

a simple concept.

We bring adults and children

together in a structured format

to enhance the lives

of these children

through

one-on-one friendships.

People ask me,

"Gayle, how did you

"come up with such

a life-altering program?"

And I tell them I spent a

lot of time alone as a kid.

My father was

a traveling salesman.

My mother, out of

necessity, was a whore.

During adolescence,

I hungered for guidance

from a committed,

caring adult.

In my 20s and 30s, I suffered

through an endless cycle

of failed relationships and

constant feelings of inadequacy.

A mere 12 years ago,

I was a raging alcoholic.

To make matters worse, I

had a massive drug addiction,

no money, no job,

no hope.

But at that moment,

I knew what I had to do.

Used to be

addicted to pills.

Now I'm addicted

to helping.

And when you're

addicted to helping,

you don't need

an intervention.

Because sometimes in life,

everybody needs...

Sturdy Wings!

Sturdy Wings!

A little lovin'

Yeah, yeah, yeah

We need a little love

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

A little lovin'

Yeah, yeah, yeah

See, that's me?

Okay, then.

Welcome, everybody.

You know, it's particularly exciting

for me to have a new batch of Bigs

to match up with a new

group of kids, or Littles,

as we call them

here at Sturdy Wings.

I see a familiar face.

Guilty as charged.

I'd already prefer jail.

All right. Let's move

right along here.

Schedule-wise,

you can elect to spend

as much time

with your Little...

Hey.

Or as little time.

It takes a village.

Hmm?

Hillary Clinton.

I'm sort of into politics.

I'm sort of engaged.

I sort of have a boner.

Okay.

Got lots of handouts,

information to cover,

so let's get started.

First time with

the program?

Oh, God, really?

Wheeler, switch with me.

No way, dude.

Martin Gary. I can always spot a newbie.

It's my fifth

year with Wings.

I guess Paul McCartney's

got nothing on me, huh?

Love, take me down

to the streets

That's not a Wings' song.

Yeah, that's one of

their hits from the '70s.

I'm not sure which one.

It's not a... It's not.

It isn't?

No.

I think it might be. No, it's

not. Nobody sings that song.

I don't know about that.

I'll have to google it.

That's right, some kids are

allergic to their own sweat.

So probably best to put the

kibosh on physical activity.

Maybe play a boardgame

or tell a knock, knock joke.

Oh!

Martin!

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Mike Snifferpipits.

Mike Snifferpipits who?

Mike Snifferpipits who? How many

Mike Snifferpipits do you know?

Come on! Let me in.

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