Romance on the High Seas Page #3

very funny to me.

Very funny that you

can't wait till Saturday.

Only four days.

-Don't you think it's funny, uncle?

-No, it isn't funny at all.

Maybe not to you, because

you have no feelings of such matters.

What--? l have no feeling?

You have no feeling.

You are talking, talking,

don't know what about.

She cannot postpone her trip.

lt's settled with Georgia.

What's settled?

Say, who is this Georgia?

You see, you haven't

the faintest notion.

Georgia is the girl who has to--

You are driving me crazy.

Elvira, don't you think

you owe me an explanation?

l can't hear a word you're saying,

the shower's making too much noise.

Just what are you up to?

l can't talk to you right now.

l want one reason,

at least one good reason...

...why you have to go off by yourself.

l can't talk to you right now.

lf l can't hear you,

at least let me see you.

Now, are you gonna wait for me?

Yes or no?

No.

Private Detective.

-Oh, hello.

-Come in.

-Excuse me, are you Peter Virgil?

-l am.

-Peter Virgil, the detective?

-Yes.

My client suspects

his wife is slowly poisoning him...

...and l was just examining the evidence.

No, there's no poison.

lt could stand a little sugar though.

Excuse me. See l....

l figure as long as there's no poison,

why, l might as well drink it.

-Would you join me in a cup of evidence?

-No, thanks.

Well, sit down.

What can l do for you?

Well, you'll excuse me

for being blunt, Mr. Virgil.

Tell me, Mr. Virgil...

-...are you a good detective?

-Naturally.

-Where did you get your training?

-ln the Army. lntelligence G-2.

Well, were you good at your job?

We won the war, didn't we?

Before that l was a vaudeville hoofer,

wrestler, and a magician's assistant.

So you can see,

l'm a man of wide experience, Mr....

Kent. Michael Kent.

See how l wormed that name

out of you?

Mr. Virgil, l'm here

on a very delicate matter.

-l suppose you're married?

-Yes.

l know what l'm doing

is not quite the right thing--

But what you suspect your wife

is doing is even worse?

The fact of the matter is, Mr. Virgil...

...my wife is leaving day after tomorrow

on a South American cruise...

...and, well, she insists

on going without me.

To a man of your nature, that means

only one thing, another man on the boat.

See, l don't know.

That's what l want you to find out.

Well, you've come to the right man.

l've handled so many of these cases. l--

Excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, yes, how are you?

Well, certainly l shadowed your wife.

l hate to tell you this, but you were right.

She's been two-timing you.

Hello? Hello?

He fainted.

Sometimes there's a shot.

Now, where were we?

Mr. Virgil, l want you to get on the same

boat with my wife and shadow her.

-l'll have to leave all of my business.

-l'll make it up to you.

l can tell you right now without batting

an eyelash, it'll cost you $ 1 000 a week.

Well, that's a little steep,

isn't it, old boy?

Yes, yes, it is,

but l'll probably get seasick.

Well, all right, all right.

l'll book your passage.

Move your chair closer, will you?

There's a little confidential information

l must have.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello.

Well, what do you know...

...he didn't even wait

for me to tell him.

lt still isn't too late.

-Can't you wait two or three weeks?

-Don't be ridiculous.

-Here l am, we're sailing any minute.

-l can get you off the boat in a while.

Will you please not worry about me?

l'll be back in no time.

Yeah, l know,

but l'm gonna miss you so much.

You just have the feeling

that l'm always near you.

l'll try. And, darling,

l want you to remember...

...that wherever you are

l'll be watching over you.

Oh, what a lovely sentiment.

Oh, isn't that the warning whistle?

Well, l didn't hear anything.

Did you, uncle?

The whistle? Yes, sure l heard.

l still hear it.

-Well, goodbye, darling.

-Goodbye.

Have fun.

Come along, uncle.

-Well, goodbye, darling.

-Goodbye. Goodbye.

l didn't lie, just the whistle is a little late.

l understand running away from me,

but not on such an elaborate scale.

lt was very sweet of you

to come down. Goodbye.

l'll give you one more chance to explain.

Where did you get the money?

-l told you.

-You didn't tell me.

-That's right, l told you l couldn't tell you.

-You treat me like an empty suit.

-Are you going with somebody?

-Scouts honor, l'm traveling alone.

That's no fun.

Georgia, l won't let you do this.

lt's not only walking out

on your job and me...

...once you go, you cut down

my list of friends 1 00 percent.

-Think of that.

-l have thought about it.

That's the gratitude l get.

l taught you everything you know,

gave you a career.

l picked you up when you were working for

$45 a week and gave you a job at the club.

At a snappy 40 a week.

You can't expect to start at the top,

although l've often wondered why not.

Oscar, you better go.

l have so many things to do before we sail.

l know when l'm not wanted.

lt happens to me constantly.

Oscar.

Aren't you gonna kiss me?

l don't know how. Will you show me?

You don't know how either.

B flat, that's your key.

Don't forget to put your shoes

in front of the cabin every night.

-Be sure to write.

-l will.

-You sure you're not going with somebody?

-Goodbye, Oscar.

-You're sure everything's gonna be all right?

-Don't worry.

l want you to write me

every chance you get.

lf what l have

can't go through the mails...

-...l'll phone you.

-All right.

l've had a lot of these.

-l hope what l'm doing is all right.

-You're all right.

-Everything's all right.

-Okay.

-Oh, excuse me.

-Sorry.

Should l wait for you?

No, you'd better go with Michael.

He might get suspicious.

Come in.

-All clear?

-Nobody here but my uncle.

And l am practically gone already.

Have a nice trip, my da--

Oh, pardon me.

You have a-- Oh, excuse me.

-See you later.

-All right.

-Good luck to you.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.

-You all right?

Oh, you don't know what a tough time

l had getting rid of my boyfriend.

l'm beat.

Georgia-- l mean, Elvira,

because that's gonna be your name...

...for the next few months.

Please be careful of your speech.

Mrs. Kent may be fatigued,

but she's never beat.

Okay, l'm fatigued, but my feet hurt.

Michael.

Michael. l thought l lost you.

Well, you see, l was just seeing a friend

about some business in South America.

Well, goodbye, Georgia. Best of luck.

l hope you have a wonderful trip.

-Thanks.

-And l almost forgot to tell you, l overtip.

-Okay. lt's your money.

-That's right.

Now let me see, checked the passenger list,

nobody knows me.

So far so good.

Now here.

l've written letters to my

husband addressed from various ports.

Please be sure to mail them one by one

at each place you stop.

-That ought to convince him.

-lt's a cinch.

Well, goodbye again

and good luck to you.

Oh, l almost forgot

the most important thing.

How do you feel about men?

They're grand.

l mean, they're the most important thing.

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