Ronal Barbaren Page #2

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it's your turn to promise something.

Promise me that you will save the others.

You owe it to them.

- What? I can't save them.

- Promise me!

- But...

- Travel north to the oracle.

- He will help you.

- Oracle? How?

You are our only hope, Ronal.

The last of the barbarians.

Uncle? Uncle?

Uncle?

Gorak's invisibility lotion.

Yo.

- What happened? Going on a quest?

- Uh, no. I must find the others.

Well, okay.

- It's a quest. You are going on a quest!

- No. I have to find my people.

Awesome, this is a quest.

Wait a minute.

- Who are you?

- Hey. Alibert, the bard.

Damn nice to be joining you.

You can't say no;

I'll just follow you anyway.

Now we are on our way, shall we

go through the Amazon land?

- No.

- The girls down there would be lovely.

- We should investigate.

- Listen to me.

- Don't follow me.

- Those girls are super horny.

- No!

- F***, you're boring, man.

Now I know where we're going. We're headed

to Berylia. They have ladies with tails.

And four breasts! This could be

awesome, man!

- No, it's not.

- Come on. Why are we here?

- I need to talk to an oracle.

- Is that a kind of travel agent?

Sick crib.

Hello?

- Hello?

- It's about time.

I've been sitting here since last Wednesday.

Are you coming or what?

- Sorry, what?

- Heck, I need to be wiped.

You aren't the home care?

- No, we...

- Wait!

Gondar has sent me...

That's it. You came just in time.

And be careful with my haemorrhoids.

He is a mighty warlord,

this Prince Volcazar, that you're talking about.

dark forces from the underworld protect him.

I'm not really

interested in fighting with him.

Volcazar is looking for power

throughout Metalonia.

So far, no one has

been able to stop him.

Wow.

He wears an impenetrable armour over

his body. No weapon can harm him.

Only one sword has the strength

to crush him.

Watch.

- Oh, sick.

- What's so special about it?

It should especially be known to you, barbarian.

This is the sword of Crane.

That's a joke, right?

Honestly, it doesn't exist.

Everybody has been looking for the damn sword -

- for thousands of years,

and no one has found it.

It's just a silly story.

Crane's sword is not a myth.

Only it can damage Prince Volcazar.

You can never save your people

without killing him first.

But I can't.

Only a great warrior without fear

in his heart will be able to use it.

Without a great warrior

you will not defeat Volcazar.

And without a great warrior

your people are damned!

But I could be wrong.

I'm just an oracle.

It's not your fault the

barbarians were captured, is it?

Gu'ra zul!

Wizard!

Lord, time is fast approaching. The resurrection

at the underworld temple must begin soon.

Otherwise it will be impossible to carry out

the ritual. Have we caught the sons of Crane?

- The mission is complete.

- Fantastic. Now nothing can stop us.

Mighty Zaal. The sons of Crane are assembled.

Awake from your slumber!

What is happening?

Finally.

- What?

- What now?

The mighty Zaal is not satisfied.

We're missing a Son of Crane.

- Impossible. Unless...

- I don't understand...

- We left none alive.

- Fool!

I need the blood of all living

barbarians, and you let one escape.

- I don't understand.

- Find him for me. Now!

for they are on a quest,

Alibert and Ronal

the greatest heroes

in Metalonia

ooh-ooh

it's going so well

and the girls they say

Alibert

you're so sexy

My village has been burned,

and I must find the sword of Crane.

Can't you be quiet, for God's sake,

just five minutes, so I can think?

- I'll sing a barbarian song instead.

- For God's sake, no.

and Crane drew his proud sword

and drove with all his force

the blade deep in Zaal

and Zaal's skull burst

Wait a minute. The song.

What was it?

"The Epic of Crane".

There are 2073 verses,

and I know them all by heart.

Crane gets tons of p*ssy.

- Why didn't you say this before?

- That he gets p*ssy?

No, about the song. It's about Crane.

You just sang a verse about his sword.

Is there one that says where it is?

from the chest of Crane the blood flowed

it bled day and night

No no. After he dies. Come on. Sing.

in his tomb was placed the sword

the place is now forgotten

only the Book of Wisdom in Efland

knows where it is stored

The Book of Wisdom in Efland.

That's it.

- We need to go to Efland.

- What do you think?

- This is how we find the sword!

- Elf girls are crazy sexy.

This will be a great quest.

Okay, I have two rules for the

quest. One:
This is not a quest.

And two:
we see something that is even

the least bit unsafe, we go around.

- Is that a deal?

- Got it.

Is it rule number one or two,

that we just violated?

Run for your life.

Sh*t! What the hell happened?

What the hell did this?

No! No!

Ouch!

- Who are you? Are you one of them?

- My... my neck.

Answer me!

I'm just a random

passer-by. I swear.

It was not my intention

to disturb you in the middle of your...

- Slaughter of random men.

- They challenged me to a duel.

Oh no, not again.

Get out of here.

I'll let you live.

She is like, the warrior,

we need for the sword of Crane.

What? Are you insane?

She is a f***ing violent psychopath.

- Yes, exactly. Ask her.

- No.

Wanker. Yo, beautiful. My friend Ronal

would like to ask you something.

We could use a killer like you -

- on our quest, you know.

In order to save his people.

And as a little bonus, I would

let you play on my lute.

I don't know what he's talking about.

put your hand on my lute

and let me teach you to suck

I don't want to learn to play

your instrument.

- You are extremely uptight.

- I said it wasn't a good idea.

Another must rescue the barbarians.

- Did you say barbarians?

- Um, yes.

- The barbarians, those are your people?

- Uh, of course.

Those, that they say,

are the greatest warriors in Metalonia?

Yes.

That's a worthy cause.

I'll go with you.

What?

I'm Sandra from the shield maiden clan.

- Where are you headed?

- Efland.

- We need to find out where it is.

- We will need a guide.

- There is a town nearby. Come.

- No, wait. You can't just...

- Do you have a problem with that?

- Now... uh, no.

- Super. Come.

- I swear, you scored her, man.

Son of Crane! Son of Crane!

Come on! Faster!

Oh, cool.

Shave my legs and call me Susan,

if this is not the coolest place.

- Okay, we're here.

- Uh, okay.

What's up, a**holes?

Can I trouble one of you

to call me a taxi?

- F***.

- Sweet. It's happy hour.

There are a lot in there today.

Stay behind me.

We'll enter quietly,

find a guide -

- and then leave

before anyone notices us.

And without a fight, okay?

Please?

- As you wish.

- Thank you.

Bing, bing-li-bing-bing.

In your ass.

Son of Crane! Son of Crane!

So I said to her: "Your breasts

look tired. Should I hold them?"

Your mother has always

had the largest tits.

Hey! Hey! Stop that, buddy.

I'll tell you.

She was angry, man.

You can't win them all.

But you can try.

- What do you want?

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