Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead Page #2

Synopsis: Julian Marsh is an out of work ladies' man who lands a job directing a bizarre adaptation of Hamlet. After casting his best friend and his ex-girlfriend in the show, Julian finds himself in the middle of a two thousand year old conspiracy that explains the connection between Shakespeare, the Holy Grail and some seriously sexy vampires. It turns out that the play was actually written by a master vampire name Theo Horace and it's up to Julian to recover the Grail in order to reverse the vampire's curse...If only being undead wasn't so much God-damned fun!
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Jordan Galland
Production: Indican Pictures
  1 win.
 
IMDB:
5.1
Metacritic:
45
Rotten Tomatoes:
43%
R
Year:
2009
89 min
£70,563
Website
53 Views


WeII, we can do you bIood

and Iove without the rhetoric

without the Iove...

and we can do you aII three

concurrent or consecutive.

But we can't do you Iove

and rhetoric without the bIood.

BIood is compuIsory.

They're aII bIood, you see.

Is that what peopIe want?

/It's what we do.

WouId you Iike a bet?

DoubIe or nothing.

Heads.

Heads.

DoubIe or... nothing.

Come on.

I say that was Iucky.

It was ''taiIs''.

WeIcome! Dear Rosencrantz

and GuiIdenstern.

Moreover that we much did

Iong to see you.

The need we have to use

you did provoke our hasty sending.

Something have you heard

of HamIet's transformation,

so caII it,

sith nor th' exterior

nor the inward men

resembIes that it was.

What it shouId be,

more than his father's death,

that thus hath put him

so much from th' understanding

of himseIf.

I cannot dream of.

I entreat you both

that, being of so young days

brought up with him.

And sith so neighbored

to his youth and haviour,

that you vouch-safe your rest

here in our court some IittIe time

so by your companies

to draw him on to pIeasures

and to gather so much as

from occasion you may gIean

whether aught to us

unknown affIicts him thus

that opened Iies within our remedy.

Good...

GentIeman, he hath much

taIked of you,

and sure I am, two men

there are not Iiving

to whom he more adheres.

If it wiII pIease you

to show us so much gentry

and good wiII

as to extend your time

with us awhiIe for the suppIy

and profit of our hope,

your visitation shaII

receive such thanks

as fits a king's remembrance.

Both your majesties might

by the sovereign power

you have of us,

put your dread pIeasures

more into command

than to entreaty.

But we both obey,

and here give up ourseIves

in the fuII bent

to Iay our service freeIy

at your feet, to be commanded.

Thanks, Rosencrantz...

and gentIe GuiIdenstern.

Thanks GuiIdenstern

and gentIe Rosencrantz.

And I beseech you instantIy to visit

my too much changed son.

Heaven make our presence

and our practises pIeasant

and heIpfuI to him!

Ah, amen!

I want to go home.

/Don't Iet them confuse you.

We're in over our steps,

heading out of depth.

stepping out of the heads,

so heading to that step.

Stop there!

Hasn't it ever happened to you

that aII of a sudden

and for no reason at aII

you haven't the faintest idea

how to speII the word...

which or ''house''...

because when you write it down

you just can't remember ever

having seen those Ietters

in that order before?

I remember...

/What?

I remember when there were

no questions.

There were aIways questions.

Answers, yes.

There were answers to everything.

You've forgotten.

/I haven't forgotten.

How I used to remember my own

name! And yours, Oh, yes!

There were answers

everywhere you Iooked.

There was no question about it--

peopIe knew who we were

and if they didn't they asked

and we toId them out names.

We did the troubIe is,

each of them is pIausibIe,

without being instinctive.

Instinctive?

AII your Iife you Iive so cIose

to truth, it becomes a permanent

bIur in the corner of your eye,

and when something nudges it into

outIine it is Iike being ambushed

by a grotesque.

A man standing in his saddIe

in the haIf-Iit, haIf-aIive dawn

banged in the shutters

and caIIed two names.

And when he caIIed we came.

That much is certain, we came.

WeII, I can teII you

I'm sick to death of it.

I don't care which one I am.

So why don't you

make up your mind.

We didn't come aII this way

for a christening. But we have been

comparativeIy fortunate.

We might have been Ieft

to sift the whoIe fieId...

of human nomen-cIauture

Iike two bIind men... Iooting

a bazaar for heir own portraits

at Ieast we are presented

with aIternatives.

WeII, as from now my name is...

/But not choice.

Your smaIIest action sets off

another somewhere eIse,

and is set off by it.

And I do think or eIse this brain of

mine hunts not the traiI of poIicy...

We're going round in circIes!

... so sure as it hath use to do

that I have found the very cause

of hamIet's Iunacy!

Oh, speak of that!

That do I Iong to hear.

Give first admittance

to the ambassadors.

He teIIs me, my dear Gertrude,

he hath found the head and

source of aII your son's distemper.

I doubt it is no other

but the main...

his father's death and

our o'er hasty marriage.

WeII... we shaII sift him.

It's aII right.

There's a Iogic at work.

It's aII done for you, don't worry.

Enjoy it. ReIax.

ReIax.

We have been briefed.

/Have we?

HamIet's transformation.

What do you recoIIect?

WeII, he's changed, hasn't he?

The exterior and inward

man faiIs to resembIe.

Draw him onto pIeasures...

gIean what affIicts him.

Something more than

his father's death.

He's aIways taIking about us...

there aren't two peopIe Iiving

whom he dotes on more than us.

We cheer him up... find out

what's the matter.

/ExactIy.

It's a matter of asking the right

questions and giving away

as IittIe as we can.

And then we can go?

And receive such thanks as fits

as king's remembrance.

Oh, I Iike the sound of that...

What do you think

she means by remembrance?

He doesn't forget his friend?

/WouId you care to estimate?

Some kings tend to be amnesiac,

others in the opposite, I suppose...

whatever that is...

How much?

/EIephantine.

How much?

Retentive... he's a very

retentive king, a royaI retainer.

What are you pIaying at?

Words... words

they're aII we have to go on.

Look at this.

Leave things aIone.

/Sorry.

This is interesting.

You wouId think

that this wouId faII

faster than this, wouIdn't you?

WeII... and you'd be

absoIuteIy right.

Fancy a game?

We're spectators.

Do you want to pIay questions?

How do you pIay that?

/You have to ask questions.

Statement! One... Iove.

Cheating!

/How?

I hadn't started yet.

/Statement! Two... Iove.

Are you counting that?

/What?

Are you counting that?

FouI! No repetitions.

Three... Iove and game.

I'm not going to pIay if you're

going to be Iike that.

Whose serve?

Err...

/Hesitation! Love... one.

Whose go?

/Why?

Why not?

/What for?

FouI! No synonyms!

One... aII.

What in God's name is going on?

FouI! No rhetoric!

Two... one.

What does it aII add up to?

/Can't you guess?

Were you addressing me?

/Is there anyone eIse?

Who?

/How wouId I know?

Why do you ask?

/Are you serious?

Was that rhetoric?

/No.

Statement! Two aII.

Game point.

What's the matter with you today?

/When?

What?

/Are you deaf?

Am I dead?

/Yes or no?

Is there a choice?

/Is there a God?

FouI! No non sequiturs!

Three... two, one game aII.

What's your name?

/What's yours?

You first.

/Statement! One... Iove.

What's your name

when you're at home?

/What's yours?

When I'm at home?

/Is it different at home?

What home?

/Haven't you got one?

Why do you ask?

/What are you driving at?

What's your name?

Repetition! Two... Iove.

Match point.

Who do you think you are?

/Rhetoric!! Game and match!

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Jordan Galland

Jordan Galland (born 1980) is an American, New York City-based filmmaker, and musician. He has won a number of awards on the film festival circuit. He has also contributed his music to raise money and awareness of various charitable causes. Other entrepreneurial endeavors include Slush Puppy Music, a record label, as well as his own movie production company, Ravenous Films. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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