Ruggles of Red Gap Page #4

Oh, that's all right, then.

Well, Ruggles! And to think

I sent you out to take care of him!

I'm terribly sorry, madam.

Perhaps I should have enquired

of His Lordship about your habits.

Yes.

Er...come, come, Ruggles. You...

you better go to bed. Yeah...yes. Oh!

Oh. Oh!

Oh! Er...

- Good morning, Ruggles.

- Good morning, madam.

Ruggles,

I'm horribly disappointed in you.

Not so disappointed

as I am in myself, madam.

And I'm more than disappointed

because I thought that Egbert had...

had something in him.

Something in him? Yes, madam.

And to think of Egbert and Jeff Tuttle

trailing you around Paris

trying to save you from yourself.

I shall never forget that, madam.

Of course, er...Jeff Tuttle's an Indian

but Egbert is different.

- One or two lumps, madam?

- Oh, none, none.

Think of your dragging him out of

an art gallery and taking him places that...

Oh! Must have disgusted him.

Making him ride on a merry-go-round.

I...I don't know

where you got such ideas.

I was not myself, madam.

You don't look like a periodical souse.

Oh, madam, please.

But to show that I'm broadminded,

you can go and get yourself a drink.

Oh, thank you, madam.

I know how you feel.

- Er...on account of my husband.

- Of course, madam.

But I shall forgive and forget.

That's my nature.

And now, Ruggles,

tomorrow we're sailing for home.

- Home, madam?

- Yes, home, America. Red Gap.

Oh, yes, madam.

Red Gap.

- Is this still Kansas, madam?

- Oh, dear, no!

We're getting into Red Gap. That's

in the state of Washington, you know.

Indeed, madam?

Extraordinary there seem to be none of

the usual signs of an approaching city.

Oh, well, Red Gap

ain't exactly a city, Bill,

but it's the fastest-growin' town

in the West, though.

Yes, sir.

When we get to the station, we'll be met

by my sister and brother-in-law,

Mr and Mrs Belknap-Jackson.

I think you'll find Mr Belknap-Jackson

quite the gentleman.

Yeah, yeah, he sure is.

When he found out that Ma Pettinghill...

That's Effie's ma.

When he found out

that she made a barrel of dough in oil,

he come all the way from Boston

just to marry into the family.

- Egbert.

- Ouch. Well, didn't he?

Quiet.

Mr Belknap-Jackson

is the leader of our Red Gap society.

You know, until he came out here,

you'd hardly believe it,

but nobody even thought

of using doilies under finger bowls.

Did they, Egbert?

Nobody even thought

of using finger bowls.

How very extraordinary!

No, sir. Finger bowls.

Here he comes!

I hope Europe has helped Egbert.

How could anything help Egbert?

Effie!

Oh, my dear! How sweet of you

to come and meet us!

Why, Egbert, how smart you look!

I'd never known it was you.

Well, I hardly know it myself.

Hello, Knappie.

Bill, where are you?

Oh, Colonel Ruggles.

I want you to meet

Mr and Mrs Belknap-Jackson.

Er...this is the Boston Belknap

I was telling you about.

How do you do, Colonel?

The Colonel come all the way

from England with us.

You'll find a few of us here

that really matter.

He's Egbert's manservant.

- His valet?

- Yes. Oh!

Egbert!

Ma!

Well, you durn dude!

Ma Pettingill, you wild maverick!

You durn horned toad!

What have they done to you,

made you ambassador from Paris?

I do look kind of foreign, don't I? Well,

let me show you something. Come here.

- Effie!

- Mother!

Well, durn me

if you don't look like a lady!

Oh, Ma, here's the fella

that done it to me.

Colonel Ruggles,

this is our Ma Pettingill.

- Hiya, Colonel.

- How do you do?

- Where's your uniform?

- Mother.

- Huh?

- This is Egbert's servant.

No! You look as funny

as Belknap-Jackson!

- Ruggles, bring the luggage.

- Yes, sir.

Hiya, Buck!

- Hello, fellers.

- How do you do, Egbert?

Why, you long drink of water, I'll...

Say, who's your friend?

Oh, boys, I want you to meet Colonel

Ruggles, a special friend of mine.

Any friend of Egbert's is a friend of ours.

Well, Colonel,

I think you're going to like it here.

If Egbert likes you,

you must be a regular guy

and if you're a regular guy,

you're OK with Red Gap.

- Thank you, madam.

- Don't keep calling me madam.

Ma's my name. Ma Pettingill.

Any time you can't find Egbert,

just try the old Silver Dollar.

We'll be there.

- Hiya, Ma.

- Hiya, Sam.

The others'll be along in a minute.

Libby, Willy, meet Colonel Ruggles.

- Howdy-do.

- How do you do, Colonel?

- A genuine blackamoor, madam?

- Oh, yeah.

- And a China person?

- Uh-huh.

What do you think of the place?

It's large.

Belknap-Jackson and my two daughters

put their house-building ideas together

and this is what happened.

The only thing I had to do with it

was pay for it.

But I can't lose. I can sell it

any time to the city for a depot.

And then I go on to say,

"The Flouds were accompanied

by their English manservant,

"secured through the courtesy

of the Earl of Burnstead.

"He will no doubt lend a continental

flavour to the Floud mansion."

- How's that, Belknap?

- I think...

Yeah, some mess of words.

Egbert, I want you to take this over

to Jake Henshaw at the newspaper office

and be sure that he prints it.

- Ruggles!

- Yes, madam!

- Oh, Ruggles!

- Yes, madam.

- Are you ready?

- Yes, madam.

Er...Ruggles, I want you to accompany

Mr Floud to the newspaper office.

Yes, madam.

And, er...see that he makes

no stops on the way.

- Oh, Effie, you know me.

- Yes.

Oh, look-a-here,

do I have to carry these?

- Why, certainly.

- Oh...!

- Oh, Ruggles?

- Yes, sir?

Will you see

that he comes straight home?

Remember,

we're holding you responsible.

- By the light

- By the light, by the light

Of the silvery moon

Of the silvery moon...

Listen, listen, Bill. That's Nell Kenner

singing. Ain't that pretty?

- Who, sir?

- This is Nell Kenner's house. Come on.

May I remind you we are instructed to

proceed to the newspaper office, sir?

Yeah, well, we'll get around to that.

We'll head in here first. Come on.

You know, Effie and her circle of cats

is always got their harpoons out for Nell.

But believe me,

she's as right as a church.

But it is highly improper for you

to take your valet about with you, sir.

Aw, they won't know you from the Duke

of Kakiac. Come on in and mix.

Oh, no, sir.

Say, look-a-here,

who are you working for anyway?

You, sir.

- Mix, sir? Yes, sir.

- Yeah.

Uh-oh, look out, I forgot something.

Come here, come here.

You better take this pool cue

and these mittens, see?

If the gang ever caught me with those,

they'd run me out of town

hitched to a horse's tail or something.

Go on, go on, take 'em. You can

get away with it. You're a foreigner.

Look out there!

- Well, Sourdough!

- Hello, Eddie.

- When did you get off the trail?

- Just got in, just got in.

- Hello, Sourdough.

- Hello, Doc.

Eddie, I want you to meet

my good friend Colonel Ruggles.

- Colonel, I'm glad to know you, sir.

- How do you do?

Yeah, this is Doc Squires.

Doc Squires, Colonel Ruggles.

- Put her there, Colonel.

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