Ruggles of Red Gap Page #8

Egbert Floud, any of the time!

You striped bass!

Effie!

Oh, no. I say, you mustn't do that.

No, no, no, no. No, no.

You mustn't do that. Let me.

- Ruggles!

- Yes, madam?

Lord Burnstead. He's coming.

Here. Here's his letter.

- Coming here, madam?

- Yes, yes. Isn't it glorious?

Of course, I shall be simply frantic

arranging dinners, parties and receptions

but I'm depending on you, Ruggles.

- What are you doing? Are you busy?

- Yes, rather, madam.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

The...the restaurant.

The chop-suey joint

you were going to open.

Well, of course,

that's out of the question now.

It was a silly idea to begin with.

Oh, but here I am wasting time

and...and dear George apt

to pop in on us any moment.

Oh, Ruggles, you don't know

what this means to me. Au revoir!

Au revoir!

Well, he's coming to get me.

You're not gonna let him, are you?

I suppose he needs me.

You mean you're gonna give up all this

just to keep him buttoned up?

What has he ever done for you?

Well, he did let me down

but I'd be the first member of my family

ever to let his family down.

And I'd have you know, Mrs Judson,

that it isn't just keeping a man

buttoned up, it's heredity and loyalty,

and I suppose you could call it habit

if you wanted to.

I'd hate to tell you what I'd call it.

Why don't you practise

what you been preaching?

First I find you're not a colonel

and now I find you're not a man.

Maybe you'd better find out

what you are.

Oh, I feel like jumping in the river.

Well, go ahead and jump.

And jump in at the bend.

It's deeper there.

Now, let me see. Let me see.

The Earl of Burnstead on my right,

of course. Er...who's next to him?

- Judy Ballard.

- Absolutely not. No, we'll put her...

Way down in the slums

at my end of the table.

Has anybody seen anything of Ruggles?

Not a sign of him.

- You didn't fire him again, did you?

- I did not.

I looked all over town for him,

everywhere.

Oh, he couldn't desert me like this

in my hour of need.

Do you realise I don't even know

how to introduce my guest of honour?

There's the doorbell.

They're arriving too early.

- I'll tell them.

- You'll do nothing of the sort.

I'll bet a dollar Lord Burnstead

hasn't got his shirt on yet.

Bit of a problem, isn't it?

Yeah, what?

Well, we can't very well go downstairs

without our ties being tied, can we?

- Yeah, no, no, we can't.

- Mm.

Maybe...

maybe we can't go downstairs at all.

Um...no. Beastly bores, receptions,

aren't they? Tedious, I mean.

- I don't like 'em, do you?

- Well, they don't bother me none.

- No?

- No, I never go to 'em.

- Oh, I see.

- I'm...I'm what they call agile.

Agile?

Oh! Oh, you...you mean agile, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

- Admiral, come here a minute.

- Yes.

Now, er...take a look

at this here window.

Looks just like an ordinary window

at first glance, doesn't it?

- You're right.

- Uh-huh.

Did you ever have occasion

to, er...climb out of a window?

Oh, yes. Hm.

- See what you can do with this one.

- Ah.

Oh, I hate to leave that

but we may bump into another later, eh?

- Take her easy, now. Take her easy.

- Yes.

You, er...you'll find a hole in the wall

for your foot. I put it there myself.

Yes. Yes, I found it.

Come right in, girls.

Put your things down here.

All right, thank you.

Is my hair all right?

Yes, that's very good.

Now, how about mine?

- Oh, I'm sorry we were late.

- It...it's quite all right.

If you'll go right in, I...

I'll join you in just a moment.

There seems to be something

the matter with these drapes.

Cheyenne, Cheyenne, hop on my pony

There's room here for two, dear

But after the ceremony

We'll both ride back...

I hope that wasn't the drinks.

- It was.

- Excuse me.

Oh, Miss Kenner,

I'm so sorry this happened,

but I'm so nervous

I could jump right out of my skin.

Well, don't worry about a few glasses.

Oh, it isn't that. It's Mr Ruggles.

I just know something's happened

to him, something fatal.

Oh, nonsense. He'll show up.

But I'm just not myself.

You see what I mean?

- Here I am. Hi, Nell.

- Why, Egbert!

- Where's your coat?

- Effie wanted me to wear it.

But I'll tell you later

how I got out of it.

I want you to meet somebody.

Come on in here, George.

Nell, I want you to meet

my poker-playing friend Earl Burnstead.

- How do you do?

- This is Nell Kenner.

- How do you do?

- Yeah, Earl is a lord.

Ain't that right, Lord?

Yeah, but you can call him George

for short.

And I want you two to get acquainted.

You know, Nell, make him feel at home.

Because he ain't quite used to our ways,

and over where he come from...

Er... Oh, heck.

I guess it's the same the world over.

Give me a drink, somebody.

Er...this is a frightful intrusion,

isn't it?

Oh, not at all. Isn't Mrs Floud

giving you a dinner tonight?

Yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, I...I see your point.

Well, you see, I...

Well, you can see for yourself

my tie isn't right.

Oh, isn't that too bad?

Shall I tie it for you?

- Oh, I say, would you really?

- Of course.

Oh, I say, isn't this nice?

Is this your first visit to America,

Lord Burnstead?

Huh? Oh, I'm so sorry.

I was thinking of something else. I...

You're remarkably like a girl I know.

I can't remember her name.

- Hm?

- Yes. You don't know it, I suppose?

- No.

- No, I suppose not.

She's...she's the most beautiful girl

in England.

There.

I'm afraid that's the best I can do.

Oh, it's first-rate, really.

Thanks awfully.

I say, do...do you believe

in love at first sight?

- No.

- No?

- Do you?

- No.

That's why I'd like to stay

a little while, if I may.

- What?

- Come on in.

Fascinating,

your American rhythm, isn't it?

Yes, isn't it?

It's ready.

Oh. Shall we eat?

Er...no, I'd rather try this again,

if you don't mind.

- All right.

- Yes.

Everybody loves a baby

That's why I'm in love with you

Pretty baby, boom...

- Why did you say boom?

- There's a boom there.

- Oh, is there? Oh.

- You don't seem to understand.

- Say it once with me.

- Yes.

Everybody loves a baby,

that's why I'm in love with you.

Pretty baby, boom. Pretty baby, boom.

- That's right.

- I see. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Everybody loves a baby

That's why I'm in love with you

- Pretty baby

- Boom...

No, you do it on the drum.

Huh? Of course. How stupid of me.

- Yes.

- Huh?

Everybody loves a baby

That's why I'm in love with you

Pretty baby...

Pretty baby...

- I'm sorry.

- What?

- There's another one there.

- Oh. Oh, a ditto?

- Yes, a ditto boom.

- Oh, I like that.

- You like what?

- A ditto boom.

Ditto boom. Ditto boom.

Ditto boom, boom, boom.

Oh, let's eat.

What? No, I'd rather ditto boom,

if you don't mind.

- All right, we'll ditto boom.

- That's fine, that's fine.

Everybody loves a baby

That's why I'm in love with you

Pretty baby...

I'd like to be your sister, brother

Dad and mother too, pretty baby...

Popping in everywhere.

Pretty baby...

Won't you come and let me rock you

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