Running with Demons Page #4

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Todd:
yeah.

Todd Crandell:
And this is

supposedly should be less

strenuous than that

so probably under 11.

Scott Horns:
Yeah.

Todd Crandell:
As long it's

under the 12 hour cut off

that good but I don't want

to be out there 12 hours.

No.

Scott Horns:
Worst case,

you're still done by six

though because you got a nice

hour of cooler weather so.

Todd Crandell:
That's true.

Yeah starting an hour

earlier is actually good.

Scott:
You

get back to the room,

cool down everything

Todd Crandell:
When I get done

today I'm going

I get done today I'm going

to rattle off 20 pushups.

My buddy goes, When you get

done with that jump up and go,

that was nothing and

start doing some pushups.

He ain't all there.

Tony (OS):
And neither are you.

Todd Crandell:
Of

course neither am I right?

Todd:
Good point.

Announcer:
Allright everyone.

How about a big hand

everyone for the athletes.

the athletes.

Announcer:
Okay we're

going to do a countdown;

I don't have the horn so it's

going to be a countdown and

I'll tell you to go.

All right every one ready?

Five, four, three, two, one

away we go thanks very much

have a good day out there.

Rock Music plays

Rock Music plays

Still music - no dialogue.

Music winds down...

Music winds down...

Cheering, encouragement.

Music still playing.

Music still playing.

Todd Crandell:

Again just as I take full

responsibility for the

choices I made during my 13

years as a drug user and the

consequences that I paid for

those, I'll take full

responsibility for the

choices I've made to

pursue Racing for Recovery to

the highest level

of what that's cost

my family.

I didn't

intentionally do this,

I'm not that stupid but I

have a hard time of letting

my passion and my desires

getting in the way of other

...other people.

I mean I

don't want to lose them.

But to... I ah, I don't

know that's the battle.

I think that I - whatever

I've got to say what I've got

to say.

[ think I deserve

some happiness and this

stuff too.

I know it's not all

about me, but it's like,

Man, I know what it's

like to... be a drug rep and

to not have the

confidence to walk in and

stand in front of doctors and

nurses knowing that I'm not

good enough and I

have to act like I am.

But knowing that I was making

good money or whatever good

money is that's

all relative,

you know and having my

wife be pleased with that,

but I lost my self in the

process and when you start to

battle... you know... suicidal

thoughts in a sober environment.

battle... you know... suicidal

thoughts in a sober environment.

You're not really living

what sobriety is supposed to

bring.

So I do not want to

go back to an environment

or a lifestyle that really

isn't my best interest,

because I feel that I have to

be at my best in order to be

the best for my family and

the people that I'm trying to

help.

However, I just don't want to

be criticized and condemned

any more for what's in my

heart and what I believe in

Because the down

side of it is brutal.

I mean how do you overcome

something that's

kind of rough.

I'm not saying surviving

a drug addiction is the

greatest accomplishment in

the world because it's not.

There are many other

tragedies out there.

But I set myself back and

put myself in a big hole.

And I got out with the

help of a lot of people,

and I just didn't think that

I have to pay the price like

this, with a family for

trying to do some

good.

I bet I struggle with

that everyday man like,

why does it have to be so

rough? The past four years

have been really

difficult for Melissa and I.

And I'll take part

for my part of it,

but I didn't intend for

any of this to happen,

no, again that's it I didn't

intend for it to happen,

I don't know what to do

Music plays

Music plays

Music plays

I'm tired of being a failure

man, I've been a failure my

whole life... and...

I'm failing at this too, but I

guess I did it to myself.

I'm failing at this too, but I

guess I did it to myself.

But what you do, you know, I

quit doing this now go back

and being a drug rep and

then I'll always have the

question, What if?

You know what if I did that

last speaking engagement,

what if I met the right

person they helped Racing for

Recovery get to the next

level and I missed it.

Although I keep pushing,

watch my family walk out the

door, worry about what

divorce is going to do for

us, the kids.

Listen to my

oldest daughter at times,

say she might think

that it's better,

hey what have I done?

Music plays - a song called

Falling apart

Tony:
Mellissa says good

job wants to know how you're

doing.

Scott continued:

don't worry about that you're

doing great on time

just keep pulling away.

You can't burn -

your meltdown already.

Scott Horns:
It's not,

it's just this stretch,

and there's going to be some

other stretches but you got

also a lot of down

hills to speed up to,

alright?

Just keep plugging away the

climbers just look around too

Music plays

Music plays

Music plays

Music plays

Music plays

Todd Crandell:
I'm just

fried man...

Todd Crandell:
I'm not... I'm

worried I'm close to cut off...

Darwin Holt:
No

you're just fine.

Scott Horns:
Don't

worry about it okay.

Darwin Holt:
You see what

happens when you're annoyed

don't worry

you're doing fine.

He's going through a bit of

the patch right now and we're

going to stay with him pretty

close here and

we're going to kind of try

to keep him wet and cool and

we're going to try

and get him out of it.

He's got another six,

seven K of this climb.

Are you concerned he

says four miles

an hour, he's concerned,

are you concerned at all?

I mean of course

you'll never let him know.

Darwin Holt:
No I'm not,

no, he's fine time wise,

it's a long day yet.

The only concern that we have

right now is that

he's starting to get ahead of

himself and worry about that.

And it's so

early to be honest,

he's still got another

seven hours of bike.

So we've got to

get him off of that,

we've got to get him thinking

that things are fine and that

he's putting in the effort

that's required to get him

under that cut off and then

we're going to get there.

But it's just a patch it's

related to the terrain it's

hot, starting to heat up,

it's a little bit windy so,

we'll get him...

Scott Horns:
He sees this

slow pace and he thinks

thinks, I'm going to do this

for the next five or seven

hours, I'm not

going to get anywhere,

says, No. (he is interrupted)

Dave Barrett:
You're not

concerned at all about this?

Scott Horns:
No, not at all,

it's like you're going to go

downhill, one kilometer

here and he'll be fine so.

No time wise we're good.

Todd Crandell:
I

don't know man,

I don't even know

what I'm saying anymore,

that's just the

reality of this stuff man,

it's brutal.

I just don't know what to do,

but if you know I... I know...

I just don't know what to do,

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