Russell Madness Page #3

he belongs to.

Hi, little guy. I'm Max.

And this is my sister, Lena.

Don't be afraid, little puppy.

We won't hurt you.

He doesn't have a collar.

He could be homeless.

Just perfect.

Now we truly are

the laughing stock

of the wrestling world.

Can he please stay?

All right.

He can stay for the night.

' Yes!

' Yes!

Last night

was so embarrassing...

There he is.

The newest YouTube sensation.

Uh, what do you mean,

YouTube sensation?

Are you not aware that

a video of last night's match

had over a million views

on YouTube?

The dog's trending on Twitter.

He's all over instagram.

- Your wrestling dog is a star.

- Any comments?

- Wow!

- And when is his next match?

- His next match...

- Next Thursday.

Next Thursday.

But you said

we were going to give

the dog back to the pound.

- Oh, no. Not the pound.

- She's a little confused.

You heard the boy.

Next Thursday!

Yep!

Ferraro Wrestling, and we hope

to see everyone down here

for the wrestling event

of the millennium.

Will Russell get star billing?

How did you teach

your dog to wrestle?

See what I mean?

The little guy can't wait

to get back to training.

That's the gym.

And so we meet again.

- Hunk?

- Yup!

Russell, allow me to

introduce you to ll Maniac.

Or as I call him,

the Italian Stallion.

I like your style, kid.

You had some great

moves last night.

- Uh, great moves?

- Yeah, in the wrestling match.

When you chocked out Vick Vice.

Oh, I have a question, Mr. Hunk.

What's wrestling?

Wrestling is when two large men

battle their hearts out

in the ring.

In front of their fans.

Asking for nothing

more than pride, glory,

and of course,

a large sum of money.

- You know, wrestling.

- Oh?

Follow me, kid.

All this could be yours.

How would you like

to be a wrestler?

But I'm not a large man.

I'm a small dog.

Russell, my boy, the sooner

you learn this the better.

It's not the size of the dog

in the fight,

it's the size of the fight

in the dog.

You're saying I can wrestle?

You've got the gift, Russ.

And with the right trainer,

namely me,

I think you could be one of the

greatest wrestlers of all time.

Doesn't that sound amazing,

being one of the greats?

That sounds like

a lot of pressure.

Yeah, well, do you want to live

your life under the ring?

Hiding, always wondering,

but never actually experiencing

what the world has to offer?

- Well...

- No.

The answer is no!

You want to be king of the ring.

Master of the mat.

Pharaoh of the...

Let me get back to you on that.

Look, kid, I know we just met,

but I've got a nose for talent.

It's just what I really want

is a family.

I think I can arrange that.

How about the Ferraros?

Really?

You think those people...

they would be my family?

Sure, kid. They're counting

on you to wrestle.

I have a family?

I have a family!

In that case, I'll wrestle!

Hot diggity dog!

All right, Russ. Let's not get

ahead of ourselves.

I still have to

negotiate the deal.

You have to negotiate

to get a family?

Technically, no.

But in reality,

everything's a negotiation.

Now, let's go speak

to the people.

You speak People?

But you're a...

A monkey, yes.

A monkey who can

speak People, Zebra, Feline,

Canine obviously,

Pachyderm and little bit of

Squirrel like "Pass the nuts."

I speak like six

different species.

It's a talent. I'm gifted.

- Enough said.

- But how?

Animals can't speak to humans.

Inquisitive fellow, aren't you?

Well, it goes like this:

I was imprisoned,

part of this experiment

to see if humans could

teach monkeys to talk.

You know, monkey see, monkey do,

yada, yada, yada.

Flower.

Then I made a big mistake.

Banana.

Oops.

What can I say?

I lost it.

I'm only a monkey.

The jig was up.

I knew I had to escape.

Then I walked in the ring.

Met Maximiliano.

He introduced me to the

greatest sport of all time.

And the rest is

wrestling history.

Two million one hundred

eighty-seven

and sixty-two views!

It's just as amazing on video.

Look at his leap.

We can't find him anywhere.

Yo! Attention, Ferraros!

Family meeting, ring side!

- Who said that?

- Pronto!

Okay, I know that voice.

Look, he's not scared anymore,

are you, boy?

The kid's got a name.

It's Russell.

Okay, seriously, who said that?

- Over here, Nathaniel.

- Monkey!

Hey, now, you don't see me

jumping around

and shouting "Ah, human!"

Hunk?

- It's you?

- In the flesh... and fur.

Wait, Nate,

you know this monkey?

Of course he knows me.

We were once pals.

Amigos, inseparable.

See,

I told you he was real, Max.

No one ever believes

the little sister.

But... But you can talk like...

You're using words and things.

And I thought

I just made that part up.

You know,

like an imaginary friend.

Well, I'm not imaginary.

I'm a real monkey

with real emotions, Nate.

And all this time,

not a phone call, a Tweet,

an email, Instagram, nothing?

- You... have email?

- No.

Nor do I have an iPhone,

Facebook, or Twitter.

But that's not the point.

The point is...

ll Maniac and I,

we thought you forgot about us.

And then when you got here,

to make matters worse,

you acted like

you didn't even care.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm sorry, Hunk.

You need to apologize

to both of us.

Um...

You want me to

apologize to a toy figurine?

Yup!

Right.

Sure...

ll Maniac, Hunk, I am so sorry.

Really, please forgive me.

Okay.

Great!

Let's hug it out. Come on.

No, no. It's too soon

for the mushy stuff.

Unless we're talking

mushy bananas, but I digress.

I think introductions

are in order.

Oh, of course. Of course.

This is my wife Colleen.

- Hello.

- Ciao bella!

- I'm Max.

- Good to meet you, kid.

And this is

my beautiful daughter Lena.

Yes, we've met.

She is quite the negotiator.

We had a tea party.

Enough of the pleasantries.

Let's get down to brass tacks.

Obviously,

as your new star wrestler,

Russell will have

some strict conditions.

Number one:

Russell is officially part

of the Ferraro family.

He will get no less than

two ripe banana bunches.

Yellow, no spots.

Seven blended banana smoothies,

and 12 banana popsicles weekly.

What can I say, the kid's

wild about bananas.

- Right.

- And of course,

if Russell decides to wrestle,

I'll be his trainer.

Did you say you're the trainer?

Mamma mia!

Do you think ll Maniac

became a legend on his own?

- Uh...

- Huh?

- Well, do you?

- No.

- You trained the ll Maniac?

- Yup!

Yes, the Sefiora Karen

has a question.

It's Colleen.

What about his family?

He doesn't have one.

But how do you know?

I speak Canine as well,

obviously.

- Obviously.

- Of course.

Do we have a deal, Nate?

Sure, why not?

Barn!

We're back in business, baby.

Mr. Hunk,

do you think, maybe,

you could train me too?

Sure, kid. Russell's going

to need a training partner.

Got you! You got banana bombed.

All right, intimidate me.

Watch and learn, kids.

Hey, where did everybody go?

One.

Hold it steady, Russ.

Channeling your inner chi

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