Russell Madness Page #4

will give you the strength

to defeat men

ten times your size.

The Stinging Dog.

Floats like a butterfly,

stings like a bee.

Dogosaurus Rex.

Okay, come on, Russ.

All right.

What you lack in size,

you make up for with

quickness and agility.

Watch and learn.

Boom, baby!

Woo!

Russell!

Come on, Russell.

Go on. I'll watch

your form from the back.

I'm going backwards. Help!

Help! Where are the

breaks on this thing?

Oh, no! Oh, come on!

Yeah, that's gonna

leave a mark.

You okay?

I got it.

- Team Russell Mania!

- Team Russell Mania!

This is an enthusiastic

crowd here tonight, Mike,

thanks to the mania created by

YouTube sensation

Russell Maniac.

Oh, that's right, TJ.

Who will win the battle royale?

The last man, or mummy standing,

will face the incredible

Russell Maniac!

And Neanderthal

has gone extinct.

That's check

and it's over, matey!

The winner!

I know you're nervous, kid.

Heck, I'm petrified for you.

On the plus side,

if you do get hurt,

the bandages

are really close by.

What happened to "it's not

the size of the dog in the fight

it is the size of the

fight in the dog", stuff?

You're right, Russy baby.

I lost it there.

You're going to do great, kid.

Believe in yourself, Russell.

You can do it.

Are we ready for the main event?

It's time to Russell!

- Russell!

- Russell!

I say this mummy is wound tight

and ready to go.

Go, Russell!

I want a clean fight.

Protect yourself at all times.

Bad breath!

All right, shake hands or paws.

- What?

- Come on, Russell!

I want to wish you luck

in our upcoming battle.

May the best wrestler win.

Russell, no!

Don't shake paws with him!

Don't, Russell! Russell!

Oh, no! The mummy

has Russell in the spin cycle!

- Uh oh.

- Oh no!

What are you doing?

Your chi, Russell!

Channel your chi!

Wait a minute.

The Russell Maniac

is getting up.

The Russell Maniac is unleashed.

Oh, yeah! - good, Russell!

Things are starting

to unravel for the mummy.

Yes!

Yeah!

The mummy goes down

for the count.

- One!

- Yeah!

TWO!

Three! He's out!

Looks like this match is a wrap!

Yeah!

- The winner!

- This is madness.

This is Russell madness.

Good job, Russell!

Russell! Russell! Russell!

This is amazing.

Everyone loves me.

You're the king of the ring,

Russy baby.

Yeah. What a match.

You showed that mummy

who's daddy.

You got it.

Russell's got the moves.

Oh, that was genius, Nate.

That was just genius.

Mick Vaughn.

- Wrestlers United Federation.

- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Mr. Vaughn, I know who...

I've heard of you.

I just didn't expect

to see you here, that's all.

Or the dead skunk that's

on your head.

Guy with a sense of humor, huh?

That's your grandfather's

monkey, isn't it?

That's... That's right.

I came here to talk to the

organ grinder, not the monkey.

And I'll grind you

into the ground.

Place still looks the same

and frankly smells the same

as when your grandfather

Maximiliano ran it.

We think of it as nostalgic.

Oh, yeah, that's

a good word for it, nostalgic.

That's cute.

So, uh, what brings you by,

Mr. Vaughn?

Oh, I'm just a paying customer

just like the rest of them.

Right there. I heard what

was happening,

thought I'd come down

and have a look-see and...

that's brilliant.

Where did you ever come up with

the idea for a wrestling dog?

He's a slimeball, Nate.

Look at that orange spray tan.

Listen to his jokes.

Just stop monkeying around.

No, I'm not monkeying around.

I'm serious.

Well, you see, back in the day

when your grandfather

was around,

it was all about wrestling,

but today,

no, frankly it's

about entertainment.

Now, I happen to run

the largest live event outfit

on the entire of West Coast.

We've got pay-per-view,

we've got merchandising,

we've got the YouTube

on the Interweb.

You and I could work

well together, son.

We could make Russell

the biggest show on Earth.

Take the Ferraro family name

right back to the top

of the wrestling world.

Right.

That's a fantastic opportunity,

but we're on fire, right now.

So, I think we'll have to

respectfully pass.

But thank you, Mr. Vaughn.

Yeah, well, you know,

don't burn the place down.

No. I won't.

I'm sure, you won't.

You're a smart kid.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, a real smart kid.

Good work tonight, Russell.

I'm proud of you.

What am I?

Chopped bananas?

Which, by the way, with a little

warm milk are very tasty.

You too, Hunk.

We wouldn't be here without you.

- All right, night night, buddy.

- Night, Dad.

Sweet dreams.

Thank you for making

my wish come true.

Who're you talking to, kiddo?

- My wishing star.

- Wishing star?

I don't believe in all that

mumbo-jumbo make believe stuff.

It's all about hard

work and perseverance, kid.

And I might add

a supremely talented coach.

I guess, but everything

I wished for came true.

I have friends, family,

and someone that

believes in me.

Thank you for training me, Hunk!

Hey, let's not dwell

on one match, kid.

- It's too soon to celebrate.

- You're right.

Well, good night, Hunk.

You too, ll Maniac.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Bugs? Where? I hate bugs!

Well, it looks like

we finally broke even.

One more match and

we are into the money!

Woo!

I knew you had it in you,

Nathaniel.

I guess wrestling is

in the Ferraro blood.

You know, now that you've had

a taste of sweet, sweet success,

it seems like you might

not be in such a hurry to

sell the building and move

back to San Diego.

- Am I right?

- Maybe.

Hello!

Is anybody here?

- Who's that?

- I'm not sure.

Oh, I'm sorry. We're closed.

Tickets will be on sale

in few days.

- I'm Bernadette Olsen.

- Oh, nice to meet you.

You can call me Bernie.

The building inspector.

Hi, Bernie.

Ms. Bernie, I didn't

order an inspection so...

Yes, and I think

that may be the problem.

I'm sorry to say

that in addition to

structural maintenance required,

the electrical system is...

- ...shocking!

- Oh, Bernie!

- Bernie! Bernie!

- Bernie!

You okay?

Let's have a look

at your sprinkler system.

This sprinkler system's

on the fritz.

Can you hand me a

monkey wrench, please?

Oh!

This thing expired in 1986.

- See, it doesn't even work.

- I wouldn't monkey with that.

Is that really necessary?

Please, Mr. Ferraro,

I'm a professional.

Oh!

Oh, boy.

Basically the building

isn't up to fire code.

I estimate, and this is

ballpark, of course,

$64,894 and ten cents.

I don't have that kind of money.

I'd have to put on two, three,

four, 50 matches to raise that.

I can't allow any matches

in this building

until it's brought up to code.

It's out of my hands.

Surely there's something

you could do.

What did the ratted,

twisty piece

of string say, Mr. Ferraro?

- I'm not sure.

- I'm a frayed knot.

Good day, Mr. Ferraro.

What are we going to do?

If I had dollar for every time I

heard that, I'd be even richer.

Nate, tell me we're not making

a deal with this cheese ball.

We don't have a choice, Hunk.

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