Russell Madness Page #6

that little flea bag

as if he's a bag

of fleas that I crush.

And how do you respond

to that, Russell?

This has turned

into a staring contest.

Neither wrestler will back down.

- He blinked!

- That's not fair. He cheated.

This will be an historic evening

for the WUF wrestling.

How are you feeling?

Good. You got this.

You're gonna do great out there.

Bad news,

you can't be in the ring.

Sponsors feel that a monkey

and the kid kind of detracts

from Russell's tough guy image.

So... yeah.

- Wait. He's the trainer.

- He is the trainer.

That's a good one, Nate.

Listen, seriously.

We're all done with

the monkey gimmick.

What...

What do you want to do?

Turn the WUF into a...

banana republic?

That place exists?

- Sounds like Nirvana.

- It's not what you think.

Listen, Russell's a super star,

and that's the way

it's going to be.

Wait, Nate.

Is he trying to push me out?

That stupid dog!

I will hammer you to the

ground with my bare hands.

I will hammer...

Mr. Vaughn. Mr. Vaughn.

Did you see that dog

make me look like a monkey

in front of all my fans?

There's no easy way to say this.

Russell's going to take the belt

tonight. No questions asked.

- What?

- That's a question.

There's no way

I'm giving my belt to Russell.

You think I'm the type of guy

that's going to take bribe?

Nah, maybe not, but...

I wrote a number down

here for you.

Oh, boy.

What round do you want me

to go down in?

Uh, 20 minutes in.

No! I knew that dirty rat

was up to something.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and

girls welcome to the WU F.

My name is Bad Chad

coming at you live

from the WUF arena!

It's time for the

main event of the evening.

Making his way to the ring,

it's the challenger.

Nate, I gotta talk to you.

Look after the match, okay,

Hunk?

- But... But Nate...

- No, look...

Okay, I know you're upset,

but it's just one match.

We have to focus right now.

He's hairier,

he's scarier, he's a Terrier!

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you Russell Maniac!

Russell! Russell!

Just listen to that crowd.

Go Russell!! Wool!

- Come on, Russell!

- Yeah, come on!

And now, the two-time

intercontinental champion

and reigning heavy weight

champion of the WUF,

it's Helix "The Hammer" Munroe!

You're welcome,

you're welcome.

Eye on the prize, Russell!

Eye on the prize.

You're going to lose, Hammer.

Okay, that's weird.

I'm going to send you

to the pound, Russell.

You're out of your league, dog.

You're barking up

the wrong tree.

This is my yard, pooch!

And here we go!

This is a title match.

Keep it clean.

No low blows and protect

yourself at all times.

Shake hands or paws.

Come on!

Get it off the ring.

You got this, Russell.

Russell Maniac might

be feeling a little nervous.

Are you ready for some pain,

Russ?

Russell, get him!

Okay, yeah!

Wow!

- Russell!

- Great job, Russell!

This gives new meaning

to the phrase:

"Hair of the dog that bit me."

Hey, Russ, way to go, pal.

Who has the gravitas now, baby?

Russell!

- Russell, he's coming! Russell!

- Now you see me.

Now you don't!

Yeah!

The Hammer hits the

turnbuckle hard.

That's my dog!

Oh, yeah! Who's the champ?

Who's the champ now?

Good job, Russell.

Russell!

And The Hammer is doing

the shaky chicken dance.

Did you bring a pillow, because

you're about to go nighty night.

And there it is, folks!

The Russell Tussle!

- Yeah, Russell!

- And The Hammer gets nailed.

That's it.

- We got him now, buddy!

- You're going down!

Hit him, Russ. Hit him.

Don't mess around.

What is

Russell doing?

That's right,

who is the top dog now?

He's giving the Hammer

valuable time to recover.

Come on, Russell!

Quit showboating!

Finish the jump off!

My ears!

- Oh, what's that?

- What's that noise?

Hey, cheater!

Wait! What's wrong with Russell?

The Russell Maniac

is down and he is not moving.

Russell!

- No!

- What a turn of events!

No!

- One!

- Russell, kick out! Kick out!

Come on, Russell, get up.

" TWO!

" No!

No!

- Three!

- Russell!

It's all over!

Russell Maniac

has been defeated!

What? No.

The Hammer has struck!

- Is he hurt?

- What happened?

Are you okay, Russell?

That's messed up. No!

Yes!

- Let's go check on him.

- Okay.

What a stunning main event

here at the WUF arena tonight.

The WUF Heavy Weight Champion.

It's okay, Russ.

It is not your fault.

He cheated.

What do you mean, Hunk?

The Hammer used a high-pitched

dog whistle to confuse Russell.

Hammer time!

All right Hammer head,

what's going on?

You were supposed to throw

the fight and let Russell win.

Couldn't do it.

Couldn't let that dog win.

What do you mean you couldn't let the

dog win? What about the pay-off?

Pay-off?

I don't want to be like the rest

of the guys that lost to Russell.

I mean, sure,

they got paid too, but...

How's their pride? Not good.

Pride?

Now, everyone's going to

want to see the re-match.

- Re-match?

- It's just good business.

Wait a second.

He's right.

We could charge the sponsors

double what they paid tonight.

- Double.

- Hey!

You got something going

on in between those ears.

- Way to go Hammer.

- That's what I'm talking about.

Hammer time!

All right, Milo,

start working on

the papers for that rematch.

You mean, it was fake?

All of this was fake?

You pay them?

How could you do this, Dad?

No.

No, no, Max. It's not what

you think. I had no idea.

I tried to warn you.

No more.

We're done.

- Excuse me?

- You heard me.

Where I come from wrestlers

win on their own merit.

For the love of the sport,

not by faking it.

And since we've been

in business together,

I've done nothing but compromise

my time with my family.

Well, not anymore.

I'm not going to have

my dog wrestle a cheater.

Oh, I get what's going on here.

You actually think

this dog belongs to you.

Oh, naive, Nate.

- This dog is mine.

- What do you mean?

Oh, we got a contract.

Yeah, yeah, Russell Maniac and

the Ferraro Wrestling Arena

are the sole property of

Mick Vaughn and the WUF.

You sold me?

Right there, buddy.

Section seven, paragraph six.

Section seven?

I... I can't...

- I can't see a section seven.

- Right there.

Why you little

- sneaky, conniving...

- All right!

I was sneaky, conniving.

It's not my fault that you

need glasses. Come on.

Wait, no. Russell's a part

of our family.

Look, kid, Russell is exactly

where he belongs right now,

with the WU F.

Welcome to the big show.

- Let's go, gentlemen.

- Mick, you can't do this.

- Wait, Russell!

- Max!

Yeah, he's a tough guy.

Yeah, you're not part of

anybody's family.

You belong to me now.

Hey, you're a superstar

for the WU F,

so just get used to it.

It's going to be okay, sweetie.

It's not going to be okay.

Russell's gone.

Max, wait!

Hold up there, Nate.

I'll go talk to Max.

I didn't mean for it

to turn out like this.

I know, but Max is right.

Russell is a part

of this family.

I miss him too, but we've gotta

keep it together.

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