Russell Peters: Almost Famous Page #8

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Watching the news in India is the

best thing you've ever seen in your life.

They have the craziest news

you've ever seen in your life.

Like, if any one of those things

that happens in India on a daily basis

happened in America just once,

America would shut down.

Let's be honest. America loves to panic.

That's how they control

the American people.

They feed them

with all these lies and propaganda.

That's how the media controls

the American people.

That's how they think.

"Well, you better not leave America

'cause look what they're doing

over there. Real crazy."

They do. That's how they control

the people, with the media.

And you don't believe me?

Remember a couple years ago? Ebola.

Remember that?

"Ebola's here! We're all gonna die!"

I'm like, "Oh, my God!

How many people have it?" "One guy.

But he's black and he's fast.

We can't catch him."

Whenever anything bad happens in America,

they have these overly dramatic newscasts.

"It's a sad day for America.

And an even worse day... for Americans.

We'll be right back after these messages."

Then they cut to my favorite commercial.

"I'm Wilford Brimley.

When I first found out

about my diabetes...

I knew it'd be a problem

'cause I can't pronounce 'diabetes.'"

You watch the news in India.

They deliver the worst news you've

ever heard in your life so casually.

Today, 743 people are dead...

as a bicycle collided with a goat.

Funeral services for the goat

will be held this weekend...

followed by a delicious goat curry."

Thank you very much,

guys. You were awesome. Good night.

What up, JusReign!

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