RV Page #2

- What is that?

- It's an RV.

- And why is it in front of our house?

- We're taking it on vacation.

- To Hawaii?

- No, it doesn't float. Colorado.

- What happened to Hawaii?

Come on, Hawaii's

a winter destination. It's summer.

The place I'm taking you is special,

and not like Uncle Mike.

It's Lake Nirvana,

where I went with my parents as a kid.

Is he being funny?

Because I can never tell.

Oh, come on.

You've always wanted to camp, right?

This is what he came up with

to punish me for Gretchen.

I was gonna surf.

Nice one, Dad. Thanks.

The hotel in Hawaii

has a weight room.

Doesn't anybody

respect my lifting schedule?

We're not campers. We don't camp.

- Why not?

- Why -? Why not?

- For one thing, we like to shower.

- Well, it's got a shower.

You and I will go out right now

and take a shower.

Bob, do you know where you stay

when you take an RV trip?

- Where?

- RV camps.

Honey, try to remember,

we're not friendly.

In Hawaii, we'll never see the kids.

This way,

we can spend time with them.

You need to spend time with them.

I spend nine hours a day with them.

And I want Hawaii.

All right, we'll go to Hawaii.

At Christmas. Then it will just be us

and a lot of Jewish people.

- We'll have all the ham to ourselves.

- I'll have to cook.

No, you won't, because I'll cook

every night, every meal.

We were gonna take naps.

Hotel room, afternoon...

- ... lock - The - Door naps.

- Oh, the good naps.

- How are we gonna do that in an RV?

- I'll drive slowly.

- I was gonna get a massage.

- I'll give you a massage.

You're gonna do all the cooking,

give me massages.

And spend time with the kids.

You got it.

Did you cancel our Hawaii trip

because Todd told you to?

Did you volunteer us

for some sort of experiment?

The family travels around and drinks

nothing but Pure Vibe soda...

...see if our teeth fall out?

Honey, I'm running out of time

with my kids.

Come on, baby. Why don't you

come out in the wilderness...

...with your big, brawny man?

Don't make me call

for my mail - Order bride.

Bob.

Here's something your genius

husband probably overlooked.

Four miles to the gallon?

Gee, why don't we just stay home

and set fire to an oil field.

There's an elegant touch.

Or we could just travel around

in clown suits.

I spent the night with my head

in the toilet. I'm sure it's contagious.

All right, no more details.

Just e - Mail me the new proposal.

- That's my couch. Move.

- Make me.

- This seat's better, anyway.

- Whatever.

Welcome aboard, everybody.

Before we embark...

...i think we should give

this beauty a name. Suggestions?

The Big Turd.

The Big Rolling Turd.

In that spirit, we set forth.

Make it so, Number One.

Honey, are you sure know how to -?

- Honey?

- Trust me, okay?

Thanks.

Oh, my God.

- Honey, honey.

- What?

- Oh, tree.

- Yeah, it's all right.

Honey?

Honey. Honey.

Oh, my God.

- We're okay.

- Honey.

Honey, tree! Tree!

Honey, honey.

- Honey.

- Okay.

Anything else you want to hit?

Do you want to go back?

We missed the neighbor's cat.

You are 31 hours

from your destination.

- What's that?

- RoadMate 700.

- I call her "Lola. "

- Make a right in 100 feet.

Thank you, Lola.

She's accurate to within 10 feet.

- Go straight.

- No, Lola says take a right.

- Well, mall traffic. Go straight.

- Fifty feet.

- Yeah, but she said take a right.

- Well, I'm telling you to go straight.

Twenty feet.

- Choose.

- Baby, please.

- Turn right.

- Choose.

- Dad!

- Turn right.

My bad.

- You are 30 hours and 59 minutes -

- Turn her off.

- From your destination.

Say, Dad, this is interesting.

"Unsecured items

in an unlatched cabinet...

...are a recipe for disaster. "

Didn't you read this?

No, I was too busy thinking

of all the ways we're gonna have fun.

Dad, somebody's stealing the RV.

No, Carl. Nobody's stealing it...

...it's rolling backwards

with no one in it.

Oh, yeah. Well, my bad.

Yeah, well, yeah.

- Thanks, Saul.

- Irv.

- Irv.

- Not "Saul. "

I don't know where I got Saul.

Well, thanks.

- Good news.

- I'm adopted?

Good one. No,

thanks to my technically proficient...

...and charmingly amusing description,

saul -

- Irv.

- Irv, yeah. Irv the dealer...

...said we damaged the parking - Gear

interlock and the emergency brake.

We had that little mishap, you know,

when Mom distracted me...

...we were pulling out of the driveway?

But the driving brakes,

the ones we use when we're moving...

...they're fine.

They're not just fine, they're brilliant.

All we have to do

is every time we park...

...we have to put two big blocks

under the rear wheel.

We'll be perfect. Thanks for the help.

Okay, everybody, come on.

It'll be fun, let's go.

Miles and smiles.

This is the worst

I've ever been treated.

- Wait till you get married.

- Thank you.

Everybody, let's get aboard

the Big Rolling Turd.

That was easy.

Now what do we do?

Hey, I know, let's go to the beach

and go surfing.

Wait a minute, I forgot.

We're not in Hawaii.

We're where NASA faked

the moon landing.

Wait a minute.

Wait till you see this.

It's called a "pop - Out. "

Hold on.

Wow, where are you?

- How cool is that?

- Macarena cool.

Hey.

You guys want to see a movie?

But where?

Forgive my ignorance,

but don't you need to hook up...

...the Big Rolling Turd

to the electricity for that?

Yes, I do.

I gotta take a crap.

Time to break in the pooper.

You are so disgusting.

Dad! The toilet's backed up!

Carl, what did you eat?

Dad, it's not mine.

There's the problem,

sewage tank is overflowing.

And it's not even our sewage,

it's leftover.

It's not a national emergency.

We'll go to where

you dump the sewage...

...and we'll dump the dump.

Come on, let's all go.

As appealing as that sounds,

I think I'm gonna pass. But thank you.

And don't forget,

you're making dinner.

Sure, I'd love to clean

somebody else's crap out of the RV...

...instead of being in Hawaii.

Can I come?

Not only can you come,

you can dump the sewage.

- Really?

- Yeah.

It's gonna be a regular

Field of Dreams moment, buddy.

Piece of cake.

- Gonna be a while, mister?

- Oh, well, that depends.

If I can get this hose attached

to this outlet...

...i'll be right out of here.

- What's the dealie?

- Guy needs to attach a hose.

Doing it.

- What's up?

- Trying to attach a hose.

- Fella here's trying to hook up a hose.

- Maybe get on the loudspeaker.

That there's the wrong hose.

It's that there one.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- It's got the coupling.

- Right.

That one right there.

- There you go.

- Okay.

You need another hose.

Yeah, I guess, but...

It's long enough, but:

Gotta get one of them

bayonet couplings.

- He hasn't got one.

- He's got a Y - Coupling right there.

Yeah, that'll do the trick.

Y - Coupling?

A Y - Coupling.

That's the Y. Oh, I see.

- One potato.

- Alrighty.

Two potato.

- Okay, wait, oh.

- There we go.

Listen,

i'm no expert in waste management...

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