RV Page #3

...but won't the fecal matter

come out the top hole there?

No, you just gotta hold it

up in the air like this:

There you go. Little bit higher.

There you go.

- Oh, like that there.

- There you go.

You sure this is gonna work?

Heck, yeah, man.

It's basic hydraulics.

Okay, Archimedes.

Hey, Joe Joe.

- Okay.

- Let her rip.

Turn it off!

- That sure didn't work.

- No.

- We need a hose spreader.

- Who's got one?

Gornicke, I think. I'll get it.

- I'll get some music.

- Oh, no, please.

And some of those tortilla chips.

- We got some leftover sausages.

- Bring them.

No, you folks don't need to have

a parade. I don't want to impose.

Oh, no, no.

We are gonna get this

fixed up for you, buddy.

Sausages.

- Right here, you want one?

- Yeah.

There we go. That'll work.

You sure this will hold?

Hey, man, why would they sell you

a hose spreader...

...if you couldn't spread the hose?

It's getting old. Come on.

Open it up, Joe Joe.

It's blocked. I'll flush the line.

- Hey, Dad.

- Son.

Maybe now is the time

to confess to you that...

...your dad's not the master

of all things.

I got that when you started

taking advice from morons.

Yeah. All we need is a banjo.

Oh, man. He didn't even open it up

all the way.

- See? No worries.

- Yup.

- Hello.

- Bob.

Hey, Todd.

Yeah, I'm still pretty sick.

- Where's my presentation?

- Presentation?

It's the best work I've done,

not to toot my own horn...

- Yeah, you'll have it Thursday morning.

- Thursday?

No, that's not soon enough.

Tomorrow will be great.

Oh, I gotta go.

Oh, dude, that is nasty.

Don't worry, I'll get another hose.

Fire in the hole!

Here's where you made your

critical mistake.

You listened to anything

Howie and Joe Joe said.

Nice boys, but they're a couple pliers

short of a tool chest.

They're not the ones covered

in fecal matter.

That's a good point.

Travis Gornicke.

Bob Munro.

Yeah, let's postpone

that handshake...

- ... till we get you cleaned up.

- Yeah.

You're clean enough to use

your own shower, Bob.

The vehicle's all cleaned up, Daddy.

- Oh, nice work, son.

- Thank you, boys.

- You're welcome.

- No problem, Mr. Munro.

- Look, can I offer you a -

- No, Bob, wouldn't think of it.

- We're neighbors.

- Mom wants to know -

What happened to you?

He was covered in turd.

Oh, I know the feeling.

Mom wants to know when

you're cooking dinner.

You tell your mother when I'm good

and ready, that's when.

- I'll tell her.

- Tell her I'm good and ready.

Well, thanks.

Hey,

pleasure hosing you down, Bob.

- Ditto.

- Why can't they have dinner with us?

You know, aside from the stink,

i don't see why not.

Why don't you come on over?

Tuesday's meatloaf.

Then afterwards, we can sit around

and watch Ernest Goes to Jail.

- It is funny.

- Well, it's a classic.

- Yeah, we'll make a whole night of it.

- I wish I could.

I promised my family

I'd make my special dish...

- ... shish kebob.

- Oh, that's good.

- Well, another time, then.

- Yeah, try to keep me away.

Okay.

Carl!

- Honey, how's it going?

- Great, baby.

Okay, well, how long?

Because we're starving.

Four hours.

Maybe longer if you keep asking.

- What?

- It's a small oven...

...and I'm having to do the potatoes

with a hair dryer set on "high. "

Hey, who wants to go to a party?

- Here we are. Hope we're not late.

- No!

- Well, Bob said we were invited.

- Yeah.

- Of course you were.

- Then here we are.

- We're hungry.

- All right!

- Mary Jo, our company's here.

- What company?

The ones that are close enough

to hear you yelling, darling.

- Well, hi.

- Hi.

Honey, help me.

- I've got you here, darling.

- Here you go.

Let's see. Earl and Billy you met.

- Hi, I'm Earl.

- And I'm not.

My wife, Mary Jo,

and my daughter, Moon.

Hey, y'all.

Well, Moon, that's kind of a hippie

name, like Moon' Rainbow' Bong.

She was named after Warren Moon.

He was quarterback of the

Houston Oilers.

Well, this is my wife, Jamie.

Cassie, my daughter.

My son, Carl.

Named after Karl Marx...

...socialist, some would say

the father of modern communism.

As I'm throwing up with the blood

pouring out of my eyes, you know...

...i looked up and I said,

"who is that lovely...?"

Next day, we were married

in Jurez.

Nine months later... out popped Earl.

So you got a boyfriend?

- Yeah, actually, I'm engaged.

- Unlikely.

So where are you guys from?

Where do you hang your hat,

as it were.

- Behind the wheel of that bus.

- Really?

- Full - Timer, U. S. A.

- Really?

Well, how do Moon, Earl and not Earl

go to school?

Home school.

I hope you don't find

this next question too personal...

- ... but how do you...?

- Make a living? Various ways.

Let's see. We made $25,000 when

we turned in Mary Jo's stepdad.

In prison

he's getting help he needs.

Oh, and I almost forgot,

mary Jo makes a living.

I mean, she earns $60,000 a year

without ever leaving that bus.

Really? Hooking?

- Funny.

- I'm a mobile sales rep for Happy Max.

Y'all seen the infomercials

for our musical car horns?

- No, I don't think we have.

- No.

Billy White Shoes,

blow that horn.

- Watch this.

- Wait for it.

I love it every time.

Wow, that's fantastic. That was...

Jamie, are you

a stay - At - Home mom?

- Yes.

- When there's not a sale.

Let me hook you up with Happy Max.

I got a rep bag in the bus.

Plus, I represent

Lovely Lily Beauty Products.

- Mary Jo's a trained cosmetologist.

- If you're still here tomorrow...

...i'm going to give you a complete,

free total makeover.

A $39 package absolutely free.

- Oh, that would be good, honey.

- No.

You know what, I'm gonna work on you

the whole day tomorrow.

- There you go, little lady.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I don't eat meat.

I heard you talking.

That's why I brought you this here.

- There ain't no meat in it.

- Oh, no meat?

You here that? No meat.

Thank you. That's lovely.

That's right. It's all organs.

Deer organs. They're fresh too.

I run him over this morning.

The rest of it's curing in the bedroom.

But the stomach, brains and pancreas,

we just toss that into the stew...

...because in this heat,

it doesn't keep.

- Bathroom.

- Little lady...

- There's my girl.

- Dad, can we please go?

Yes. You know,

thank you so much for the invitation.

This has been great. A lot of fun.

Dad, listen.

This is kind of our family theme song.

Kids, come on. Get up there, go, go.

Hurry up, get the - You know.

Oh, they're gonna love this.

Little Mommy's got a whole

song - And - Dance thing worked out.

- Oh, that's wonderful.

- Come on, Moon, come on.

- Here I go. Thank you, darling.

- Thank you.

- Oh, yeah.

- Line up the way we practiced.

I never grow tired of that song.

Last time I heard it I was buck - Naked...

- ... in a field with a road flare.

- Dad.

Yes. Big travel day tomorrow.

- Where y'all headed?

- Away.

Mount Watson in Colorado.

- Just fantastic to have met you both.

- Same here.

- Hope we see you again.

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