Safari Page #3

Sophomore, economics!

He is!

You're not a mini-sh*t.

They're blanks.

Yeah. No!

Maybe they're Supermen.

What is this sh*t?

I don't know anymore.

Jean Jean,

you should scratch yourself.

Shut up.

Everyone on the bus. Now.

Now!

Get out of here.

You're finished.

- Tour license revoked.

- You're the moles.

Once in Paris, my report

will destroy you!

If you ever get there.

You drive!

- Why?

- Shut up!

OK, Jean Jean Jean.

Becker, dufus!

Becker Dufus. Good name.

Get this straight.

My name's not Jean.

I'm Ralph Becker.

And I have business with you

in Mozambique, as a tourist.

Once it's over, go f*** yourselves.

Anybody makes a move on me,

I'll kill him.

So smile. We're crossing the border.

And there is no briefcase, got it?

I didn't hear you!

Turn the engine off.

Hello, Officer.

We'd like to visit your great land,

to glimpse the 1001 wonders

of the pearl of Africa!

You talk a lot.

Everybody out.

Nothing to declare?

No, Mr. Briefcase.

Briefcase?

No! Pencil case.

- He said toothpaste.

- Sounded more like pillow case.

Fast pace?

Chevy Chase?

Shut up!

You!

Not your 1st time in Mozambique.

Yes, it is. I swear.

You sell calendars?

We all have a double somewhere.

Like my butcher.

His double is Madonna.

Without the mustache.

Sir?

You dropped your wallet.

All right, you can go.

What did I say? No stopping!

There's something in the way.

A radar gun?

A camcorder.

Maybe security,

to get evidence on the blueballs.

Weird.

Dacier,

go get it.

The tall grass. I'm wearing shorts.

Go.

A Japanese guy, all alone.

Deep in the bush?

Out of my way.

The Japanese and their pictures.

Not very bright.

Getting done in by an elephant.

The same one.

He knows we know what he did.

He wants no witnesses.

Drive, or I'll shoot!

It will charge us!

He wants to rub the bus.

Maybe he thinks it's a female.

Stay calm.

- Like he wasn't there.

- I can't.

Relax. Here's what we do.

Don't stare, or turn around.

Don't bare your teeth.

- It's not a lion.

- Animals swap info.

He'll turn us over.

He can't know me, he can't.

Don't move.

I don't want him to touch me!

Don't move!

Get him away, Dacier!

Get him away!

He's sucking him!

Leave me alone, please.

Drive, Benoit! Drive!

Let's go, fast.

First gear, second, third!

- Strange.

- What?

The scenery's not moving.

Dacier! Do something!

I'll talk to him.

Put it down! Down!

That's not yours!

Go away!

Go away!

- Any sandwiches?

- You want to eat now?

Drop it!

Go away!

Come on, Dumbo!

Go, Benoit!

Don't bother saying thank you.

Want a kleenex?

Stop.

Stop!

Everyone out!

Faster! Move it!

Line up in front of me.

Hang on,

they're not involved.

I didn't say a word, right?

You can't kill us, just like that.

I always found you nice.

Very open to others.

Turn around!

Mr. Becker,

I'm a doctor. Let me help.

It starts in childhood.

Violent parents, peer pressure.

No girlfriend?

I see your discomfort.

We'll talk.

I said turn around!

Why?

We're all dead.

I got to take a piss!

You are all so f***ing stupid.

- We have to act.

- Don't, kid.

I'm no kid.

It's not a bladder, it's a well!

- Tell him there's a lion.

- Won't work.

All done!

Becker, behind you!

What? A lion, right?

I heard you whispering.

Dacier, do something.

Slowly, let's get on the bus.

And remember, don't turn your teeth

or show your back.

What's he doing?

Coming this way.

- How long do they digest?

- No idea.

After a good meal,

I can sleep 3 or 4 hours.

Lions take up to 12 hours.

We can't wait.

He won't go.

Try the wiper fluid.

He won't go.

Blow the horn, loud.

I'll try it.

He won't go.

Try this.

Beauvais,

constructed in 1587

by Archduke de Grandpierre.

At 82 feet above sea level,

Beauvais is the most elevated

town in the Oise valley.

The city ramparts were completed

in 1681, under Henry Vlll.

Sock capital of the world,

Beauvais...

It is f***ing boring.

Ralph Becker

is not available.

Leave a message at the tone.

What's going on, Becker?

Call me back!

Chouchou,

you have feminine intuition?

It's not my strongest suit.

I have it. And it tells me

something's wrong.

And I'm a cool guy.

True, boss. You're very cool.

Yeah, but I feel

my dark side coming back to me.

Coming back to me, my dark side,

I feel.

Why didn't he eat the head?

Maybe it's like us with shrimp.

Could be.

Maybe it's the hair.

I hate artichoke hairs.

Now that the funeral is over,

could you fill us in?

What's this about?

I'll tell you but don't panic

if you hear the word...

"mafia".

$25,000...

A bus full of tourists.

Perfect cover.

Bako!

Hakuna matata!

Disgusting!

You used us!

Like guinea pigs!

I'll tear him to pieces!

She's right.

This is intolerable, inexcusable,

unjustifiable, contemptible!

That's all my adjectives.

The safari is over.

Take us to Johannesburg,

we're leaving.

We're not involved.

Not to defend him,

but he has no choice.

Remi is right.

I have to deliver the case.

- Look what's inside!

- I don't want to know.

Either you end up headcheese,

or come with me.

Dacier!

I don't like doing this, but I am!

Now I decide.

We're going to Johannesburg.

Magalie, I'm a doctor. I can help.

Shut up.

Magalie,

you can't kill a man.

I don't care, I've lost it.

Magalie,

I've always thought of you

as exceptional.

In fact, I never got

how you could marry

that shitbag, Michel.

Good taxi driver,

cheating husband.

- Leave him out of it.

- Put the gun down.

I don't for a second

believe you're capable.

What do we tell the customers

about Jean Jean Jean,

AKA Becker, or the Headless Man?

We're done for.

Wait.

Those customers.

They might not know

what Becker looks like.

Bertrand?

Thanks. When you stopped me

from shooting Dacier, it...

Really? It...

In 10 years working with you

I've always thought you were...

Drippy, if you prefer.

But you were solid.

Don't call Michel a shitbag.

Roger, Magalie.

You knew he was cheating?

I might be...

but I'm not blind.

The meet is 1/4 mile away. I'll go.

- I'm coming.

- Stay here.

You're not credible as Becker.

I'll be Dacier, he'll be Becker.

You're too young to be Becker.

- I could be Becker.

- Or Dacier.

- Which am l?

- Dacier.

I'm not Dacier?

You're Becker. Bertrand's Dacier.

I'm sick of this!

Make up your minds.

She's right.

OK, I'm Dacier.

And Dacier is Becker.

Bertrand, it's too risky.

I'm going.

- Sit down, kid.

- I'm no kid.

You're too young to die.

Really?

We might die?

What time is it?

I'm Becker, right?

No. I mean, yes.

Strange silence.

Are we late?

I'll quit deking you.

You're on time, by my tik-tik, eh?

I'm Hammal, leader of

the Mozambique counter-insurgency.

I studied in Canada, eh?

But enough about me.

We are running late.

Two years ago,

I was a trader in Toronto.

Buy it! Sell it!

All day long. But I knew

I wasn't about bucks.

One night in my jacuzzi,

I heard a voice.

It was Celine.

Dion?

Laurentides.

My kindergarten teacher.

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