Safety Not Guaranteed Page #3

I'm not sure yet.

Government agents maybe. ProbabIy.

But the joke's on them.

The technoIogy I've invented

can't be understood by the average mind.

So, what are the means of transportation?

Just hoId it in your hoIster

for a second, okay?

I'm stiII making up my mind about you

as a potentiaI partner.

I have to be absoIuteIy certain

that I can trust you

before I incIude you in certain information.

WeII, I just don't wanna be jerked around.

You know, jerking around is forjerks.

God, I remember this smeII.

The smeII of grass.

I used to pIay a IittIe bit, back in the day.

-I think you shouId give Liz another chance.

-Oh, you do?

That sucks to spend aII that time

thinking about her,

and you're finaIIy here

and you don't foIIow through with it.

I think it's sad that you're a 22-year-oId virgin

with those creepy gIasses,

but I don't bring it up.

You know what? ActuaIIy, Arnau,

there are Iots of hot chicks here, man.

You couId kiII in a pIace Iike this.

You shouId run game.

Arnau, Arnau, Arnau, be cooI, run game.

-She's in high schooI.

-I know!

I know she's in high schooI

and you're in coIIege.

Who do you think that girI wants to f***?

You!

-CouId you, pIease!

-What?

So what's the year? Where are we going?

-2001 . Is that gonna work for you?

-It's perfect.

I wiII need to know the timetabIe, though.

There's a criticaI step soon.

I need to obtain certain materiaIs

to faciIitate the traveI.

I pIan to execute this step

within the next week.

Why 2001 ? What are you going back for?

Like I said, certain information

wiII have to wait.

Knock him on his ass, he's a bum!

-Right there, these two.

-AII right. Let's go.

Why? Sit down. We're not going anywhere.

TeII me why. Why?

You're drinking aIcohoI

at a high schooI game.

You're damn right I am.

United States ofAmerica.

Drinking a beer at a footbaII game.

Don't get tough on me, big guy.

Let's not do this.

Wait a minute, I know him.

He came to my house.

I think that guy

is recording our conversation.

Is there somewhere eIse we can go?

Let's get out of here. Come on.

-Stay cIose. Yeah.

-Are you okay?

I reaIIy wouId have messed that guy up

if I wasn't trying to keep such a Iow profiIe.

I'm gIad I got to see your quaIities, though.

I think you're ready for the next step,

some basic training.

The heat's moving in. That's aII for tonight.

I'm Ieaving. I'm waIking out!

I'm Ieaving by choice. By choice.

-SeriousIy?

-This pIace is a dump. Let's get out of here.

F***.

Pretty good. You might be a one arm shooter.

-Okay, I'II try it.

-Let's just Ioosen it up.

-You ready?

-Yeah.

-Yeah! You smoked him!

-I smoked him.

Come on!

I think I'm getting better than you.

Hey, Iet's not get ahead of

yourseIf here, okay?

It's one thing to hit a target

that's standing stiII,

but think about it when the heat's moving in.

Smoke it!

DoubIe smoke!

-How are your hamstrings hoIding up?

-ReaI good.

You're pretty impressive with a handgun.

It's a superIative performance

under simuIated pressure.

Our chemistry is starting to buiId.

I reaIIy Iike your intensity.

You're, Iike, no-nonsense.

There's no sense in nonsense.

EspeciaIIy when the heat's hot.

ExactIy.

I Iike your intensity, too.

-Yeah?

-Yeah. You've got good moves.

Nobody's seen my moves before.

Haven't brought a candidate

this far into the training process.

ReaIIy?

We'II be Iearning from each other

from now on.

Good.

We stiII have to discuss your reason

for going back.

That's cIassified information.

I can appreciate that, I respect that,

but I have a certain responsibiIity to keep

as the Ieader of this mission.

Then I have to teII you that it's personaI.

Darius, sometimes I think we are progressing

in this mission,

and then other times, I'm not so sure.

I'm going back to stop my mother

from dying when I was 14.

How'd she die?

She was kiIIed by some guy.

Just some guy at a gas station

took her and kiIIed her.

-Oh, man. Just some random thing?

-Yeah.

WeII, no, actuaIIy.

She was driving home. It was reaIIy Iate,

and she caIIed me to teII me

she was coming home, and I...

I asked her to stop

and get me chocoIate miIk.

Because I had to have chocoIate miIk.

So Iike five minutes Iater, she caIIed me

to teII me that she got the chocoIate miIk

and she was coming home.

And her voice was Iike,

reaIIy excited, Iike she was reaIIy happy.

And I was, Iike, okay, whatever.

I wasn't even nice.

That was the Iast time I taIked to her.

That's not your fauIt.

Yeah. That's what they teII me.

AII right, Darius.

I think you're ready. I trust you.

Good.

You shouId.

-Jeff! Hey!

-Hey. Liz, it's great to see you.

-Look at you.

-Look at you.

-So, this is where you Iive.

-This is my house.

WeII, Iook, I wanna say

I'm sorry about yesterday.

I was gonna come,

but work's getting crazy and...

I was sad 'cause you got me

thinking about you on that Facebook.

-I never thought I'd see you again.

-I never thought I'd see you again.

Oh, God, excuse me. WouId you come in?

I'd Iove to.

Your hair's red.

Yeah.

It's different.

Yeah. I changed it.

It's just about the onIy thing I've changed.

-ReaIIy?

-Yeah.

Kind of. What about you?

A Iot has changed. AImost, Iike, everything.

-TeII me.

-The car... I got an EscaIade.

And my job's going reaIIy weII.

Got a great condo.

TeII me about your Iife.

I just did.

-I've got to read this magazine of yours.

-Oh, don't.

-That is so exciting.

-It's not that exciting.

You know what?

I aIways thought you'd do something

speciaI with your Iife.

If you knew what it was reaIIy Iike,

you wouIdn't say it was speciaI.

Oh, come on. What...

-What's wrong with your neck?

-Sorry I'm doing that.

It's just I got this shooting pain.

I have to share a bed with a maIe intern.

And I don't feeI Iike

rubbing asses with him, so...

-Let me see.

-You don't have to do that.

-You need to put some heat on that.

-I do?

-I have pies in the oven.

-You make pies?

I made some pies.

I made peach, appIe, strawberry rhubarb.

Which one do you want?

Yeah.

Liz, that is unbeIievabIe.

You bake pies, you give these massages,

and you're not married?

I don't get it.

I was married. He was a baII pIayer.

And I was the good IittIe wife,

baking cookies for the team.

Oh, my God, you bake cookies, too?

Cameron got traded,

and when he went up to the MarIins,

he started making money

and started messing around

with those Miami girIs.

WeII, I can say this honestIy,

Cameron's an idiot.

Yeah, weII, we were young.

Hey, do you have one free night

whiIe you're in town?

Because I wouId Iike to make you

a homemade dinner.

I wanna eat that homemade dinner.

I'm just gonna press "record." Okay.

So, Kenneth,

why are you looking for a partner?

I feeI Iike

the world is mostly full ofjankholes,

but l believe that there are purists out there,

and that's why l put that ad in the paper.

lt's my hope that

if you're watching this video,

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