Sailor Beware Page #4

Synopsis: Because of a misunderstanding Melvin Jones is inducted into the Navy despite his numerous allergies. When appearing on a TV show sponsored by a lipstick manufacturer, fluke circumstances cause him to be perceived as an irresistibly great kisser by viewers, and he is undeservedly hyped in the media as "Mr. Temptation." His shipmates bet their pay that he can get Corinne Calvet, a sexy French chanteuse, to kiss him. Despite his allergy toward kissing girls, he tries not to let them down even though it threatens his relationship with girlfriend Hilda.
Director(s): Hal Walker
Production: Paramount Pictures
 
IMDB:
6.5
Year:
1952
108 min
105 Views


There he is.

I am the top man.

This man is an imposter.

These lovely models will now show

the newest trend in swim fashion.

What a town this is.

The dames won't have anything to do

with sailors around here.

Oh, yeah?

Wait till you see the beautiful babe

that's gonna meet me here.

Boy, look at those beautiful babes.

Hey, the one on the end is my date.

The black Lastex molded one-piece suit

with one shoulder strap.

Note the water-proofed jeweled pin

at the neckline.

Wait a minute. Hey, ain't that Jones?

It's Mr. Temptation.

Hey, he's kissing my dame.

What's the matter,

somebody blow a tube?

Yeah, my friend here.

Hilda, please let me explain.

It wasn't my fault.

Well, you certainly acted

like you enjoyed it.

Go on back to your public,

Mr. Temptation.

I'm going back to the base.

Oh, but, Hilda, listen.

Please, leave me alone.

I can hardly breathe.

Well, here you are.

Now, before you run away again,

I want to know who won our contest.

I don't care who won the contest.

All I know is I lost.

But we must know who won our contest.

Now, who's the most kissable girl

in San Diego?

Miss Hilda Jones

of the Navy training center.

Some nerve!

Well, thank you. Thank you very much.

You're my witnesses. Thank you.

Hilda.

Hilda.

Hilda!

Don't speak to me

after kissing all those girls.

- You won the contest.

- You can have your old contest

and you can have your piece of string,

too. I don't want it!

Hilda!

Hilda!

Hilda!

Hilda!

Hilda!

What's the matter, sailor,

did you lose something?

I lost a piece of string.

You wouldn't have any Benadryl,

would you?

This one must've been drinking

tear gas.

Oh, gee.

I was just trying to find a string.

Imagine just kissing girls

putting a guy in a hospital.

Hey, Doc,

what room is Melvin Jones in?

Right in here. But no visitors.

No kidding. Is he real sick?

He has an edema

of the olfactory system.

See? You ask a foolish question,

you get a foolish answer.

And stay out of this room, huh?

Oh, pardon me, Lieutenant.

Jones in 116. He won't take his pill.

- Oh, he won't, eh?

- Pardon me, Lieutenant.

- How's our friend Jones?

- I don't know.

But if he doesn't cooperate with me,

his condition is going to be a lot worse.

How would you like me to be waiting

for you when you get off duty?

How would you like to spend 30 days

in the brig?

I see you got refrigeration here.

When it comes to sailors,

she's colder than a deep freeze.

And my pal Melvin's just lucky enough

to be the one to defrost her.

Come on, now, let's take this pill.

I only have a 13 and a half neck.

It'll choke me.

Not if you take it

with a big swallow of water.

I want my mother.

Isn't he sweet?

Now, if your mother was here,

she'd say,

"Open your mouth."

Well, come on, open it.

Open it up. Come on.

That's right. Now, stick out your tongue.

Stick it out.

Now, take a big swallow of water.

That's the boy.

- It went down.

- Of course it did.

Now, it'll make you sleep.

Come on, now, lie back.

Lieutenant, I'm homesick.

- I don't think I'll be able to sleep.

- But you must sleep.

If my mother was here,

she'd kiss me right here.

All right.

It's sure taking her a long time

to give him a pill.

He probably didn't cooperate,

and she had to get rough.

Hey, let's take a look.

Sleep well, my dear boy.

Boy, the way those models

went after that Melvin...

I don't know. It's a mystery to me.

Did you see the way

they tore him apart?

I figure it this way.

Girls just can't resist him.

Hey, I'll lay a little money

I can pick a dame

who won't have anything to do with him.

If she does, I'll pay off.

- Well, put up or shut up.

- I'll bet six months pay.

- I'll take $100 of that.

- I'll take $200 of that.

I'll bet my wristwatch.

Okay, I'll take all bets.

You're all covered.

And if you know of anybody else,

just send them around to see me.

Hey, Chief.

Sailing orders for your draft.

Okay, men, gather around.

These are our orders.

"For the purpose of fleet training

"and for familiarization

with various types of naval craft,

"Training Squadron 87 B will be

dispatched to Honolulu

"in the following manner."

They got it cut up into three classes.

Destroyers, battleships and submarine.

- Submarine?

- Yeah, and our group's on it.

Honolulu.

Hey, that's where Corinne Calvet is.

I'll be able to see her.

You better be careful

Melvin doesn't see her first.

Hey, that's the girl. Corinne.

All the dough that Jones can't make

the grade with her.

- Corinne?

- No, that makes it too tough.

- What's the matter, you getting yellow?

- Okay, Corinne it is.

All right, men, let's get on the ball.

Turn in and get a good night's sleep.

Tomorrow we're on our way.

Now, hear this.

Now, hear this. Drill in one hour.

Hi, Al. Look, I'm all cured.

Well, you look like you're in shape

to kiss a girl.

Hilda? Oh, she's mad at me.

She won't even talk to me.

No, not Hilda.

Well, you know, any other dame,

I can't get close to.

I get swelling in back of my nose.

If you don't get close to the girl

I tell you to,

you'll get a swelling

in the front of your nose.

There's a lot of money bet on you.

What if Tiger disappears

with all that loot?

Don't worry.

I got a couple of guys watching him.

And he's holding the bets.

Holding bets on me? What for?

- Now, look, you're my pal, right?

- Yeah.

I said that no girl can resist you,

and Lardoski says they can.

So the guys got a lot of dough together,

and they bet that you can kiss any girl

that Lardoski named.

He named Corinne.

And, kid, I bet a bundle myself.

What if I'm allergic to her

and I can't kiss her?

Then you and all the boys will lose

all your money.

I won't do it on purpose, but if I do,

well, you can borrow money from me.

- No, Melvin, that's all right.

- Oh, no. I won't take no for an answer.

You are my friend and you are my pal.

You can have all the money you want.

- No, Melvin, that's all right.

- What do you keep saying no for?

Because I bet six months of your pay

and every cent you had

in your money belt.

Well, that's no reason to say no.

Because you bet six months of my pay

and all the money in my money belt?

Take it easy.

Now, just shut up and listen.

There was nothing else I could do.

You're my buddy, right?

You wouldn't want me to lose my money

and not lose yours, too, would you?

Oh, well, that would be selfish

on your part.

Sure. Besides, if you win,

you'll practically be a millionaire.

If I win, I won't be able to breathe.

Now, which is more important,

breathing or money?

Besides, the boys bet a fortune on you.

All right, I'll do the best I can.

And where's this Corinne dame,

anyway?

Honolulu.

Well, what's there to worry about?

If she's in Honolulu,

we're here in San Diego,

- it could be years before we ever met.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

We're going to Honolulu tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

- What ship?

- Not by ship.

- Not by ship?

- No.

- Plane?

- Not by plane.

Not by plane?

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James B. Allardice

James B. Allardice (March 20, 1919, Canton, Ohio — February 15, 1966) was a prominent American television comedy writer of the 1950s and 1960s. During World War II he served in the US Army where he wrote the play At War with the Army. Following the war, Allardice attended Yale University where his play was later on Broadway in 1949 and filmed in the same year with Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. Allardice is best known for his collaborations with writing partner Tom Adair on a number of highly successful American 1960s TV sitcoms including The Munsters, F Troop, My Three Sons, Gomer Pyle, USMC and Hogan's Heroes. Allardice won an Emmy in 1955 for best comedy writing for his work on "The George Gobel Show". He contributed to Alfred Hitchcock Presents, and wrote Hitchcock's "lead-ins" for all of the 359 episodes of the series, as well as many speeches for Hitchcock's public engagements. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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