Saint John of Las Vegas Page #2

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The Suspected Fraudulent

Claims Referral form.

Be sure to fill it out.

And... welcome to fraud.

It's one hell of a ride.

Jill?

Hey. How'd it go?

Are you

and Mr. Townsend...

He said he...

[Telephone rings]

Townsend Insurance. May I

have your claim number, please?

It's none of

my business, but...

[Telephone rings]

JILL:
Thank you for calling

Townsend Insurance.

Can I have your

claim number, please?

We leave in five.

Can we stop

by my house first?

I don't have clothes.

No.

See you in five.

Hey.

[# Sonya Spence:

I love You So]

# I don't know why #

# I love you so #

# No, I don't know why... #

[Thunder]

Wow, it's coming down.

So, how'd you

get into this?

Was there, like,

a course in college?

Is that an S.F. C?

Yeah. I don't...

Mr. Townsend

gave it to me.

JOHN:
Where are we?

The vehicle was

reported a total loss.

The driver,

Miss D. Lite,

authorized the local company

to bring the car here.

We're nowhere near Vegas. Why

would somebody bring the car here?

This place is like the

Swiss Bank of auto parts.

When a car is classified

a total loss,

they bring it here

in perfect condition.

[Dog barking]

Should I get out?

[Dog barking]

Let's go.

The dog's out.

It's gone.

You mean it's out

running around?

I said the dog's gone.

The dog's gone.

The dog's gone.

F*** you, the dog's gone!

What's it gonna be,

John?

'Cause this is

a pretty big case.

You can get your

Adjuster level 6.

For a guy like you,

counterfeiting,

minor racketeering,

larceny,

pimpery, lewdness.

I never did

any of that.

First step

to fraud detection

is admitting

you're a fraud.

Fall back, fall back.

Hold on.

[# Joe White and Chuck:

Every Night]

It's courteous

to knock.

I'm looking for

a 1970 Buick Wildcat

classified

as a total loss,

brought here

three days ago.

1970 Buick Wildcat?

That's a mighty fine

automobile.

Fraud investigation,

Townsend

Insurance Company, LLC.

Okay, Mr. Townsend

Insurance, LLC.

My name is Bismarck.

My associate Mordecai.

Be happy to assist you...

assuming you have proof

the car was a total loss.

But you don't, do you?

Heh heh heh.

And if you don't have that

proof of total loss report,

then you ain't nothin'

but a trespasser.

[Thunder]

That went pretty well.

You think that matters?

The car's not there.

Believe me.

If it was there, they

wouldn't be so flippant.

Maybe we should

head to Vegas.

We're not going

to Vegas.

Mr. Townsend said

"outside Vegas".

"Outside Vegas"

isn't Vegas.

Plus, you don't

like Vegas.

Mm.

[Spits]

We can't do

anything else tonight.

Let's just get

some sleep.

Here?

I'm not sleeping here.

Look, per diem is $80.

Keep your receipts.

Call me in the morning,

I'll come pick you up.

[Sighs]

[Keys jingling]

Give me the keys.

No.

Give me

the f***ing keys.

Screw you.

[Thunder]

Drive me

to a hotel now!

Or?

Or you don't want

to know.

Right before we left,

you had sex with Jill...

the claims handler...

in the women's bathroom.

Handicapped stall.

You were in there?

Why would I be

in the women's bathroom?

You can't prove

anything.

Well, you do whatever

you were gonna do,

and I'll just prove

whatever I gotta prove.

[# Guitar Music playing]

[Birds squawking]

[# Rock music playing]

Aah! Ow!

[Both screaming]

[Screaming continues]

Ohh!

[Tires screech]

Howdy.

JOHN:
Hey.

So, I don't get

a "howdy"?

Pardon?

You didn't say "howdy".

I just did.

To him.

Howdy.

Huh.

Thanks.

Here's yesterday's

per diem... 70.

70? You said 80.

Yeah, well,

ten for the shades.

Instant Jackpot Madness.

What's the pot?

Give me 20.

Your buddy's got a nice

little envelope of cash, eh?

20 more.

What's up?

And a shower.

I'd like a shower.

I can take

a shower.

You want to put

the rest on Jackpot?

Why would I

want that?

[Knock on door]

CLERK:

Everything all right?

Yeah. Fine, fine.

Is there a problem

with the water?

It's good.

Your buddy's not in there

with you, is he?

No.

When someone

rents a shower,

but they don't shower,

sometimes they're

gettin' perverse.

No!

No perverse... ness!

[Telephone rings]

Mr. Townsend's office.

Jill?

Johnny.

You're in

Mr. Townsend's office.

Yes, sir.

Oh.

Well,

what are you, uh...

Is he there, too?

You're jealous.

No.

I just thought...

You know I paint

my fingernails

with little

happy faces?

My pinky

has a frown now,

and it's gonna stay

there until you come home.

Well, that's... cool.

I know.

Is Mr. Townsend around?

There you go.

Love you.

[Ringing]

TOWNSEND:
Yeah?

Uh... ahem.

Mr. Townsend.

Yeah?

It's John.

Do you do background

checks and stuff?

Background checks...

you bet.

So you know.

Know what?

Well, it's funny how

we're coming to Vegas...

I mean, outside Vegas...

because I used to live there.

Is this about, uh...

you not liking Vegas?

No, I just...

Because this is

a fraud investigation.

You've gotta put your

personal issues aside.

Not that you're not.

Virgil tells me you're

doing a great job.

He did?

Yeah, just got off

the phone with him.

He wants me

to up your per diem

from the regular 60

to 70.

70? Oh.

John, you know Jill.

Do you think

she'd appreciate

a dozen smiley face

balloons?

She hasn't been as,

uh, cheerful

these last few days.

Well,

Mr. Townsend,

um, you know,

I used to gamble.

You never want to

show all your cards.

Bro, you're right.

I can't be

rushing into this

with smiley face

balloons

trailing behind me.

Thanks, John. I appreciate your candor.

You're welcome.

Hey.

Hey what?

So, this 80 per diem...

how did they

decide on 80?

Why not 70?

There's this expression...

in prison...

When a cross-dressing

skinhead don't rape you,

take your smokes...

you don't ask why.

Here, navigate.

Where are we going?

Miss D. Lite

works in Moriarty.

Moriarty?

You thought I was

gonna say... Vegas?

I don't know what

you were gonna say.

Normally, we analyze

the accident site,

interview witnesses

and cops,

do a forensic

crash analysis,

then find

the stripper,

get her to contradict

the evidence,

at which point she would drop

the auto and medical claims.

But we're close

to Moriarty,

so we have to see

the stripper first,

prove she's lying

without the evidence.

What if

she's not lying?

Here's the plan, all right?

You're a lonely guy

looking for attention.

You go in there,

you find Miss D. Lite,

you tell her something...

Your ex-wife

was in a wheelchair.

The point is, you're lonely,

and she's the only one.

We just have to show her

transacting at the lap dance rate.

I'm not doing that.

You do it.

Yeah, I'm a lonely guy

looking for attention.

What if she really is hurt?

You ever think of that?

This is entrapment.

[Laughs] Come on, man.

We're talking about

one lap dance.

If we come back

with this claim busted,

you're gonna get

your Adjuster Level 6,

buy your girlfriend a nice

jewel-encrusted happy face.

Girlfriend? I don't...

If we don't...

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