Saint John of Las Vegas Page #5

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You gotta be lucky.

Luck-y!

Are you lucky?

That's a dumb question.

I know you are.

I can feel you.

No, not like that.

I mean,

you feel lucky.

It feels lucky

in here.

Whoo! Heh heh.

But it is hot.

Does that bother you...

that they keep it

hot in here?

I mean, maybe it's

good for the food,

keeps it fresh.

Although, you'd think

it'd be better cold

for freshness.

Fresh... ness.

[# Los Difuntos:
Dirge]

[Gunshot]

OPERATOR:
911.

JOHN:
Vegas Scrap & Tow.

They shot my friend.

Are you hurt, sir?

No, I don't think so.

Where are you?

Uh, westbound on 215,

on the side of the road.

Okay, I authorize

payment.

I just can't

believe it.

Yes, I see. You've

finally submitted one.

Don't take that tone

with me.

Mr. Townsend.

It's Virgil.

This isn't funny.

[Dialing]

[Ringing]

JILL:
Townsend

Insurance, LLC.

May I have your

claim number, please?

Jill.

Johnny.

They shot Virgil.

Who shot Virgil?

Lucypher.

He owns the junkyard.

Just now? Yeah, like ten minutes ago.

Johnny, Mr. Townsend's

on the phone

with Virgil right now.

What? He's alive?

Yeah.

Mr. Townsend's yelling.

Poor Virgil.

He's on the phone

with Virgil right now?

Mr. Townsend is not happy

about paying.

I mean,

it's like $200,000.

[Phone beeps]

Hold on.

I gotta take this call.

Oh, I can't be

in Mr. Townsend's office,

but you can hang up with me

the first chance...

[Beep]

Hello?

OPERATOR:
Yes, hello.

John Alig... hairy?

Yeah.

Yes, Mr. Alig-hairy,

we have a police car

at Vegas Scrap & Tow,

and there's no sign

of violence.

Mr. Alig-hairy,

are you aware

that it is against the law

to falsely report a crime?

Where are you now, sir?

I'm in...

Las Vegas.

No, no. Wait, wait.

I take him

to his wife's house.

He's bleeding 'cause he's

fallen down so many times.

And his wife was, like,

"Well, thank you.

But where's

his wheelchair?"

[Laughing]

Yeah.

All right, man.

Take it easy.

Y'all be good. Thank you. Sure.

VIRGIL:
Yo, yo!

Hey. But she was

pretty fine.

I could've spent

the night!

[Door opens]

JOHN:
Jesus!

What the f***

is going on?!

They shot you!

John!

Chill.

[Sighs]

I told you.

The first step

to fraud detection

is admitting

that you're a fraud.

That's bullshit.

Regardless of what

you think you saw,

a woman

had an accident.

Her policy stipulated

she was due compensation.

The insurance adjusters

found no fraud,

so they paid the claim.

They paid...

You.

They paid you.

Don't worry, though.

I told Mr. Townsend

you were top-notch.

You'll get your

Adjuster Level 6.

The petty cash

in the glove box?

That's yours.

About 1,000 bucks.

No. I refuse to be

a party to this.

Oh, you're a party,

all right.

You had sex with Jill...

Townsend's girl...

in the women's bathroom,

handicapped stall.

You picked the wrong guy

to mess with.

No, no. Actually...

I picked the guy

who runs away.

Welcome to Fraud.

[Sighs]

It has been

one hell of a ride.

MAN:
Sir?

So, you want

1,000 tickets?

Heh. That's $1,000.

That's $1,000.

Actually, it's $1,089.

You want it all?

Yeah. Why not?

Let's do it.

No, okay.

Just 1,000.

1,000 it is.

[Machine beeping]

You know what? Um...

make it 800.

Ooh, yeah. I already

punched it in.

Sorry about that.

Cool.

[Receipt printing]

[Printing continues]

[Printing stops]

Whoo!

Well, I don't see

any winners.

Oh?

MANAGER:
Yeah. No,

they put these little stars

next to

the winning numbers.

But if you want...

Oh, do you still

want to go out?

[Gargling]

My name is John...

and I am not lucky.

For the first time,

I'm living the life

I'm living.

And it's all right.

[Honks horn]

I'd like to think

Virgil did the whole scam

just to show me that.

But he probably

did it for the money.

Who knows?

If he hadn't hit me

with the board,

I might've wanted

a piece of the action.

Maybe that's why

he hit me.

JILL:
Knock, knock.

Oh.

Perfect.

So...

you want to play

a game?

I'm kind of tired.

Ta-da.

I stopped playing those.

I know. But look...

it's a new one.

Thanks, no. I...

It's called

"Have a Nice Day".

I had to get it.

And it's

a big prize, too,

if you get "Have",

"A", "Nice", and "Day"

under the smiley faces.

Go ahead. Scratch it.

I'll do it.

[Gasps]

"Have".

How are we doing?

Pretty good.

Ha!

Here,

let me scratch one.

John. John.

Jill?

Do you love me?

You know I love you.

No matter what?

Now you're scaring me.

If we win

a lot of money...

a lot...

and I blow it all...

will you stay with me?

Well, first of all,

I bought this card,

so technically,

I'm letting you

scratch it off.

But even if we win,

you wouldn't blow it.

I mean, assuming

we get married,

I would keep

the money in my name,

and I would give you,

like, an allowance.

And you could do

whatever you want

with the allowance.

So, stop f***ing around

and scratch the happy face!

You're cute.

JOHN:
They say

you make your own luck.

But I don't need luck

anymore.

Which makes me...

the luckiest guy

in the world.

SONYA SPENCE:

# I don't know why #

# I love you so #

# No, I don't know why #

# I love you so #

# You have nothing

to give me #

# But that doesn't matter #

# Long as I have you

close by #

# It's all

I'll ever want #

# 'Cause, baby #

# I don't know why #

# I love you so #

# I don't know why #

# I love you so #

# I don't know why #

# I need you so #

# No, I don't know why #

# I want you so #

# You make me happy #

# When I'm feeling blue #

# You're all I cling to #

# You make me feel

brand-new #

# And, baby #

# Baby, that's why #

# I love you so #

# Believe me #

# Darling, that's why #

# I love you so #

# Ooh #

# You make me happy #

# When I'm feeling blue #

# You're all I cling to #

# You make me feel

brand-new #

# And that is why #

# I love you so #

# Ooh #

# Baby, that's why #

# I love you so #

# I know that's why #

# I love you so #

[Song fades out]

[# Guitar music begins]

[Music fades out]

CURTIS A. JONES:
# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# Percolator #

# It's time #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# Percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# Percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# Percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

# It's time

for the percolator #

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