Saint John of Las Vegas Page #4

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She's cute...

in a psycho kind of way.

You're psycho.

Maybe I should show her

my James Brown dance.

I was the first one

on the scene.

The woman who owned

the Buick Wildcat...

she was in

the driver's seat.

She complained

of shooting pains.

And the guy who

rear-ended her...

he was in

a Honda Civic.

The back of the Buick

was all bashed up.

How's a tiny little Honda

gonna bash up

a steel-frame muscle car?

It's not. That's why

it's called "fraud".

OFFICER:
Plus,

the Buick wasn't crumpled.

More like it had

a hole punched in it.

VIRGIL:

From a sledgehammer.

Amateurs.

The guy who owned

the Honda...

you could tell

he was rich.

He had this big-faced watch

you see those rich guys wear.

I love those.

Oh, man, this one

was a real beaut.

Anyway, he felt

really terrible,

said he'd be willing to pay

for her car to get towed.

Do you know where

they towed the car to?

You need Smitty.

Go to the county fair

where they have

the sideshow acts

and ask for the Flame Lord.

That's Smitty.

Why would I be asking for

Smitty the Flame Lord?

OFFICER:
He's the one

who towed the car.

He goes

on contract runs

to supplement

his income.

Flame Lord

doesn't pay?

You'd think.

Thanks

for your help.

Hey, no worries.

I'm sorry about

the misunderstanding.

[# Darondo:
Didn't I]

# Do-do-do-do-doooo #

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh #

# Ba-da-da-da

Da-da-da-da #

# Didn't I

teach you right, now? #

# Didn't I? #

JOHN:
It's not easy

to find a partner.

You want someone nice.

But what does that mean?

Nice? Not nice?

[Knock on door]

Just a minute!

[Ringing]

Townsend Insurance, LLC.

May I have your

claim number, please?

Hey.

Hi.

It's John.

[Laughs]

I know who it is, silly.

[Knock on door]

I'm in here! Just...

I'm sorry.

Where are you?

How's it going?

Good. I found out

that the injury claim

is fraudulent.

You did?

But last night,

things got kind of hairy,

but I talked our way

out of it.

Wow.

And now...

I found out where

the vehicle is.

I mean, I found

the guy who towed it,

so we're going there.

I knew it. I knew it.

Mr. Townsend said you might

make Adjuster Level 6.

Yeah. About that...

Mr. Townsend...

John.

Mr. Townsend and I

are finished, okay?

I need you to know that.

I already decided

before you even gave me

the hair tug.

The love tug.

Do you like James Brown?

[Knock on door]

What?

Ah. I gotta go.

But thanks for talking.

Anytime, Johnny Rocket.

I love you.

Okay, I love you, too.

[Banging on door]

How's it going

in there?

Just fine, James Brown.

[People cheering]

JOHN:
My dad

brought me to carnivals

just like this one.

Well, he brought me

to one carnival.

But it was just like this.

Hey, how about...

Virgil.

I gotta play this.

Yeah, you do.

How do you win?

The stuffed doll prize

is inversely proportional

to the target size.

The smaller the target,

the bigger the prize.

Cock it.

[C*cks gun]

[Gun fires]

Come on.

You come on!

[C*cks gun]

[Fires]

[Fires]

You got

the Flame Lord?

Flame Lord is unavailable

due to technical difficulties.

Well, can you tell us

where he is?

We just want

to talk to him.

Are you guys cops?

Yeah, we're

f***in' cops.

Can I see some I. D?

You want some damn I. D?

Here comes some I.D.

Ah, come on, man.

He's right there.

JOHN:
What's wrong

with him?

Let me go,

and I'll tell you.

F*** off.

VIRGIL:
Why don't you

talk to him?

You're better

with people.

Will you hold this?

Aww.

Okay. I don't

trust you.

Smitty?

Yeah.

Hey. My name is...

[Whoosh]

Sorry.

They say I'll burn out

in a few days.

What happened?

Oh, the zipper

melted shut,

and the fuel regulator

is broken.

Can't they

cut you out?

Eh, no one

will get close.

I'm sorry

to have to do this,

but can I ask you

a few questions?

Townsend Insurance,

LLC.

Hey, man,

do you have a cigarette?

That's actually

the worst part.

I'll get you a smoke.

You got a cigarette?

Here's your cigarette.

If you don't mind,

I'll throw it.

Ha ha!

Ohh, sweet Jesus.

You got a light?

F***!

Come on! Come on!

All I wanted

was a goddamn cigarette!

Come on!

Hold on.

SMITTY:
Ohh.

Okay, hold the pack

between your feet

on the ground.

Next time you flame,

just bend over the box

like it was Epsom salts.

Breathe deep.

That's good thinking.

Uhh! F***in'-A!

Ahh!

Uhh.

Ahh!

How did it work?

Amazing.

I think I lost

my eyebrows,

but that was the best

goddamn smoke I've ever had.

Can I ask you a question

about Deluxe

Transportation Systems?

Shoot, my friend.

There was an accident

a while back...

a 1970 Buick Wildcat

and a Honda Civic...

out in the desert.

Oh, the schoolteacher.

Where'd you tow

the Buick?

Hey, Teach,

I've been bad.

You must spank me

with a ruler.

Smitty!

Where's the car?

Uh... Vegas.

Vegas Scrap & Tow.

I was, like, "Hey, Teach.

You... come with me.

To the school

of hard knocks."

Thanks. Thank you.

[# Calexico:
El Picador]

JOHN:
I know they say

you have highs and lows.

But I don't see why

you can't have just highs.

What's wrong

with feeling good?

I'd like my 80 bucks.

You can't have your hotel

and your per diem, too.

From last night,

in the desert.

Will you give me

the keys?

I thought

I'd head into town,

check out what's new.

You don't like Vegas.

Okay, I didn't

like it before,

but maybe they

have new stuff.

And I figured,

who knows?

I'd just

check it out.

It's no big deal.

I'm not tired,

and I thought

it'd be fun.

I think they're

over here.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

Want to come?

Okay. Bye.

[# Calexico:
El Picador]

[Whistling]

[Cell phone ringing]

Yeah?

JILL:
Hey, baby.

Oh, hi.

Whatcha doin'?

I gotta go.

Really? I wanted to talk.

Later.

[Overlapping chatter]

Aren't you gonna

call it out?

Changing 20!

Sorry, buddy.

[People cheering]

What the f***?

Sorry.

This is bullshit.

Where's your cash machine?

It's broke.

VIRGIL:

That was quick.

MAN:
Okay, okay!

Strip down naked

in the desert!

And if you're naked,

and you're cold,

what you gotta do?

You got to put God on!

Get it?

You got to put

Jesus on, okay?

You got to put

the Holy Spirit on!

Tell me,

do you have Jesus on?

Put him on,

and feel the power

of His holy embrace!

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

Bagels

and cream cheese.

Oh, thanks.

Come on, we're late.

JOHN:

Did you sleep okay?

I had the weirdest dream.

Here's the plan.

We got the medical

claim debunked.

If we can locate

the vehicle,

we can prove that

the material damage claim

is false, too.

This could be dangerous.

Hey!

I'm putting the petty cash

in the glove box.

Why are you

putting it in there?

VIRGIL:
Let's go.

What can I do for you?

VIRGIL:
We're from

Townsend Insurance, LLC.

We're looking for

a 1970 Buick Wildcat

towed here by a Deluxe

Transport Systems.

All right.

Maybe I can help.

Lucypher.

I'm the owner.

Lucypher?

Lucypher?

It's French.

The car you're talking about

is right over here.

Watch your step.

[Thud]

JOHN:

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