Same Time, Next Year Page #8

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Anyway, you're the youngest-looking

grandmother I've had a peak experience with.

Well, my mother thanks you.

My father thanks you.

My hairdresser thanks you. And

my plastic surgeon thanks you.

When Harry says, "You're not the girl I

married," he doesn't know how right he is.

Didn't Harry like your old nose?

Harry thinks this is my old nose.

He never noticed? No. Isn't that pathetic?

I mean, a new dress or something, I

could understand, but a whole nose?

Well, to be totally honest, I

don't see any difference either.

Well, I don't care. It's

sure different From my side.

Makes me

Feel more attractive.

Anyway, that's this year's

bad story about Harry.

Have you got one

about Helen?

Well, there was

this loud party next door.

Helen couldn't sleep.

And, uh, she didn't wanna

take a sleeping pill...

because she had to get

up at 6:
00 in the morning.

So she took a couple of pills

and stuffed them in her ears.

What?

During the night,

the pills melted.

Then the next day, while the doctor was

digging the stuff out of her ears,

he said, "You know,

these can be taken orally."

Helen just laughed.

She didn't care.

I'll tell you something. If thats the

worst story you can tell about your wife,

you must

be a very happy man.

Well, let's just say I've discovered

the potential for happiness.

Yes, Liz?

No, honey.

It's 60 guests, not 16.

There's no problem. We've catered

parties for her lots of times. It-

I know, but she puts little

tables around her swimming pool,

and then there's room

on the patio for the buffet.

Right.

It's a brunch.

Right. That's okay.

Sure.

Uh, Liz,

did Harry call?

Okay. You know

where to reach me, huh?

I'm sorry. It was a busy weekend,

and I had to leave a number.

Does Harry know youre here? No.

Harry still thinks I go on retreat.

Don't worry.

I'm not worried. Yeah?

Then why are you frowning?

I'm getting bad vibes again.

Again?

Yeah. When you first walked in, I

picked up on your high tension level.

Then after we made love, I sensed

a certain anxiety reduction,

but, uh, now I'm getting

definite negative Feedback.

When did you go

into analysis?

- How did you know I was in analysis?

-Just a wild guess.

What made you start?

My value system changed. One day,

I took a look at my $150,000 house...

and the three cars in the garage and

the swimming pool and the gardeners,

and I asked myself, "Why?"

I mean, did I really

want the whole status trip?

So I decided to try to find out

what I did want and who I was.

So you went from analysis

to Esalen to Gestalt...

to encounter groups to

transactional to nirvana, huh?

Just because some people are trying

to widen their emotional horizons...

doesn't make the experience

any less valid.

I've learned a lot.

So I've noticed.

For one thing, you've learned to talk as

though you're reasoning with somebody...

about to jump

from a high ledge.

Okay, okay. I know sometimes I tend

to overcompensate for my emotionalism.

Occasionally, there's a loss of

spontaneity. I'm working on that.

Well, I'm glad to hear it.

What else have you learned?

That behind the walls

I've built around myself,

I'm a warm, caring,

loving human being.

Well, I could've

told you that 20 years ago.

Tell me. How's Helen reacting

to your voyage of self-discovery?

Well, at first, she tended to

overreact. Oh, yeah? In what way?

She threw a grapefruit

at me in the supermarket.

Listen. It's only natural that there'd be

some interpersonal conflicts to work through,

but now it's cool.

- Helen's into pottery.

- Oh. And what are you doing for a living?

We live very simply, Doris.

We don't need much. What bread we do need,

I can provide by simple, honest labor.

Like what? I play cocktail piano

in a singles bar in the Valley.

Yes, Liz?

No. No. Tell 'em that's our final offer.

Oh, that's a lot of bull. I know

it's a good piece of property,

but he needs us

more than we need him.

Well, if he doesn't like it, tell him

to shove it. And don't worry. He won't.

Okay, hon. Thanks.

Anything else?

All right. Well,

I'll be at this number.

Okay.

I'm buying another store.

Why?

- Money.

- Is that why you went into business? To make money?

No. I wanted power too. I take

it you are for womens liberation?

- Hey, I'm for any kind

of liberation. - That's a cop-out.

Women have always been exploited

by men, and you know it.

Doris, we've all been shafted,

and by the same things.

Look. Let me lay this on

you. I go to a woman doctor.

Oh, yeah? First time she

gave me a rectal examination,

she said, "Am I hurting

you or are you tense?"

I said, "I'm tense." She said,

"Are you tense because I'm a woman?"

I said, "No. I get tense

when anybody does that to me."

See what I mean? Well,

I don't know about that,

but I do know in this country,

nobody takes a woman seriously...

until she has enough money

to back up her mouth.

Hey, I think

it's great to have a hobby.

A hobby?

We grossed a half million the first year.

Doris, don't misunderstand me. If thats

what you want, I'm very happy for you.

I'm just not

into the money thing anymore.

Do you ever get the feeling

we're drifting apart?

No. In many ways, I've

never felt closer to you.

I don't know. Somehow it seems

to me our lives are out of sync.

Look. We all realize our potential

in different ways at different times.

The important thing is, does what you

do give you a sense of fulfillment?

Well, I'm working on it. And

you have everything you want?

With one minor exception.

Somewhere along the way, I

seem to have lost my husband.

- Lost him?

- Well, I don't know if I lost him...

or I simply misplaced him.

He left home four days ago, and

I haven't heard from him since.

How do you feel about that?

George, do me a favor.

Stop talking as though you're leading a human

potential group. It really pisses me off.

That's cool.

What's cool?

For you to transfer your feelings

of hostility and aggression from Harry to me.

As long as you know that's

what youre doing. You know something?

You're really beginning

to get on my nerves.

That's cool too.

Jesus.

I mean it. At least it's honest.

Total honesty is the key to everything.

Really? Are you being

totally honest with Helen?

- I'm trying.

- Oh, yeah? Have you told her about us?

No, but I could. I think today

she's mature enough to handle it.

George,

you're full of sh*t.

I can buy that.

I mean, if youre being totally honest.

Believe me. I am

being totally honest.

Well, at least

it's a start.

And what about

all that other garbage?

"I don't know if I lost him

or simply misplaced him."

What kind of crap is that?

All right. You've got a point.

So how do you feel about all

this? You're doing it again!

Okay. I think-

Don't tell me how you think.

Tell me how you feel.

Like I've been kicked

in the stomach.

What else?

Angry. Hurt. Betrayed.

And, okay, a little guilty.

But I'll tell you something.

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