Santa Baby Page #2

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GOOD DOGS.

HEY!

IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

YOU CITY FOLK.

[phone rings]

LOOK AT ALL THOSE TREES.

[phone rings again]

[answers phone]

HELLO?

HI, GRANT. I'M SORRY

I DIDN'T CALL.

I WAS IN A BIT OF A RUSH.

YEAH, UH-- I'M SURE

MY DAD'S GONNA BE FINE.

[groans]

UM, DID YOU SEE

THAT SIGN?

SH-- SHOULDN'T WE, UM...?

DID THAT SIGN:

JUST SAY AVALANCHE?

HANG ON!

[moaning] SIR?

UH, GRANT? I'M ABOU TO GO INTO A TUNNEL.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

WHO WAS THAT?

A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE?

BOYFRIEND.

POOR GUY.

SIR? AH...

WAIT. WE'RE NOT GOING

INTO THE MOUNTAIN, ARE WE?

[screams]

[keeps screaming]

SO PRETTY.

Luke:
WHOA!

THIS IS IT!

[tow train whistles]

[happy chatter]

GUESS YOU GUYS GO ALL-OU FOR CHRISTMAS UP HERE.

HEE-YAH! TAKE THIS!

[cheerful chatter]

DONNA? ARE YOU COMING?

[small voice]

SORRY!

THIS IS WHERE YOU GREW UP?

IT'S A BIT MUCH,

ISN'T IT?

[carefree chatter]

[door opens]

MARY!

YOU'RE HOME!

[gasping with joy]

[laughing]

MARY'S HOME! MARY'S HOME!

Mary:
OH OH OH OH.

FELLAS. FELLAS.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEE MY ASSISTANT, DONNA.

HELLO, DONNA!

HI.

WELCOME.

OOOH!

[cooing]

LOVELY JACKET.

HI...

ALL RIGHT.

HERE YOU GO, GUYS.

I GOT TODAY'S

DELIVERY FOR YA.

RIGHT! GREAT. YEAH.

OKAY.

GET THAT DOWN:

TO PROCESSING.

WHOA...

WHOA!

[hollering together]

[crashing]

OH...[stammers]

I'M SORRY.

MARY?

YOUR...YOUR DAD...

IS SANTA CLAUS?

KINDA.

YEAH.

KINDA?

LUKE? UH, CAN YOU DO ME

A FAVOR, AND HELP DONNA

GET SETTLED?

SURE.

[weak greeting]

[humming "Santa Baby"]

[gasping]

[laughing]

SAINTS ALIVE.

HI, MOM.

WHERE DID THIS:

SCRAWNY LITTLE GIRL

COME FROM?

HO, OH MY!

LOOK AT YOU!

[gasps] YOU ARE

SKINNY AS A RAIL.

[gasping, chuckling]

AND WHAT HAPPENED

TO YOU HAIR?

IT USED TO BE SO LONG.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU,

TOO, MOM.

OH HO HO!

OH, I'M SORRY, MARY.

I DON'T MEAN

TO MAKE A FUSS.

BUT YOU CAN HARDLY

BLAME ME. IT'S BEEN

6 YEARS.

FOUR, MOM.

WELL, IT FEELS

LIKE 6.

BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S HARD

TO FIND TIME TO VISI WHEN YOU'RE SO IMPORTANT.

WELL, I'M HOME NOW, MOM.

[chuckles]

HOW IS, UH...HOW'S DAD?

WELL...THE DOCTOR

SAYS HE'LL BE FINE.

JUST FINE.

GOOD.

GOOD.

[sighs]

MAYBE I'LL-- MAYBE I'LL

GO UNPACK FIRST.

HE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM.

[whispering]

GO GO GO GO.

GO.

[light snore]

[heavier snore]

LOOK AT YOU.

IMMORTAL, MY ASS.

I SEE YOUR MOTHER

CALLED YOU.

YEP.

SHE DID.

[sighs]

HOW YOU FEELIN', POPS?

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU

CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR NOTHING.

WE'RE ONLY

A LITTLE BEHIND.

YOUR MOTHER'S DOING

WHAT SHE CAN.

AS SOON AS I'M UP, I'LL--

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

I CAN HELP.

[snorts] NO.

BUT, DAD. I KNOW

THE CHRISTMAS DRILL

BETTER THAN ANYONE.

THE CHRISTMAS DRILL?

NO.

BUT, DAD...!

NO, MARY.

I'LL BE READY IN NO TIME.

[sighs]

[soft snoring]

[sighs]

READY TO GO AROUND THE WORLD

IN A SLEIGH IN 4 WEEKS?

I DON'T THINK SO.

MORNIN', SLEEPYHEAD.

MM. WHAT TIME IS IT?

EH! IT'S A LITTLE

AFTER 8, DEAR!

YECH! MOM, WHAT IS

ALL THAT STUFF?

BREAKFAST FOR YOUR FATHER.

DIDN'T IT OCCUR TO YOU

THAT EATING THIS STUFF

IS WHAT GAVE HIM

THE HEART ATTACK?

WELL, THIS IS WHA WE ALWAYS EAT, DEAR.

[chuckles]

NO KIDDING.

DO ME A FAVOR.

WHATEVER DAD ASKS FOR?

[gasps]

OFF THE MENU.

[gasps]

I COULD RUN INTO TOWN

AND GET SOME...BRAN MUFFINS?

OH, WHAT A THOUGHTFUL

YOUNG LADY.

LISTEN, MOM.

WE NEED TO TALK.

WE ARE TALKING, DEAR.

MOM! THIS IS SERIOUS!

HA!

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN

ON CHRISTMAS?

OH, I'M SURE YOUR FATHER

WILL BE UP AND ABOUT BY THEN.

HE HAD A HEART ATTACK.

IT'LL BE MONTHS BEFORE

HE'S BACK TO NORMAL.

WELL, I'M SURE WE'LL

MANAGE SOMEHOW.

CAN'T THE ELVES RUN THINGS?

[both laughing]

WHAT?

[cheerful chatter]

Elves:
SLOW DOWN!

SLOW DOWN!

[train whistle]

[yelps]

ELF OVERBOARD!

[more elf chatter]

I GOTCHA.

[yelping]

OW!

OK.

THE ELVES CAN BARELY

DRESS THEMSELVES.

WELL, THE OLDER ONES--

YEAH. THE OLDER ONES

CAN DRESS THEMSELVES.

BUT WHO'S GONNA

SUPERVISE THE TOYMAKING?

WHO'S GONNA APPROVE

THE LIST?

WHO'S GONNA DELIVER

THE PRESENTS?

[thudding into trash]

YOU HAVE A SUGGESTION?

YEAH!

ME.

Santa:
NO, NO, NO.

DON'T YOU MEAN

HO HO HO, DEAR?

WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS,

AND I ALREADY TOLD YOU.

I WON'T HAVE IT.

YOU TALKED ABOUT THIS?

UH... [sighs]

NICKOLAS, MARY CAME

ALL THIS WAY.

SHE'S HERE SO YOU

COULD GET BETTER.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY

NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

I'M AS STRONG

AS A POLAR BEAR.

NICKOLAS, PLEASE!

YOU CAN HARDLY MOVE.

HOW ARE GONNA GO

UP AND DOWN:

MILLIONS OF CHIMNEYS

IN ONE NIGHT?

SAME WAY I'VE ALWAYS

DONE IT.

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS.

MARY'S JUST A GIRL.

OHH!

OH, PHHH!

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

SHE'S TOO YOUNG.

SHE'S TOO HEADSTRONG.

SHE'S--

SHE'S TOO IMPULSIVE.

UH, HELLO,

I'M IN THE ROOM.

SHE'S THE SAME AGE

AS YOU WERE WHEN

YOU STARTED OUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MOM?

JUST FORGET IT.

IT'S NO USE.

HE'LL NEVER CHANGE.

WHY SHOULD I CHANGE?

I'VE BEEN DOING

THIS SINCE LONG:

BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

CHRISTMAS IS A BIG

RESPONSIBILITY, MARY.

FRANKLY,

YOU'RE NOT UP TO IT.

UP TO IT? DAD,

I RUN MY OWN COMPANY.

PEOPLE PAY ME:

TO TELL THEM:

HOW TO RUN:

THEIR BUSINESS:

MORE EFFICIENTLY.

OH, AND I SUPPOSE

YOU TELL THEM,

"JUST CHANGE EVERYTHING.

JUST FORGET ABOU TRADITION."

DAD, THERE'S A DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN BEING TRADITIONAL

AND BEING PRIMITIVE.

[SPUTTERS]

[EXHALES]

YOU'RE BEING NAUGHTY!

THINK I'LL BE

THE JUDGE OF THAT. HMM.

UH, WAIT. WHAT?

FOR HOW LONG?

A MONTH, AT LEAST.

THROUGH CHRISTMAS?

YOU'VE GOT IT.

SERIOUSLY?

AHA!

[LAUGHS]

WHAT'S THIS?

THIS IS CHRISTMAS,

MY CHRISTMAS--

A LIFETIME OF MY IDEAS--

STUFF MY DAD WAS

EITHER TOO PIGHEADED OR

TOO SCARED TO EVER TRY.

OOH, LOOK AT THIS.

HA HA!

DIFFERENT SHAPES

FOR CANDY CANES.

OH! BLUEPRINTS FOR

A TURBO-SLEIGH.

OH! SWEATERS

FOR THE REINDEER.

[GASPS] COOKIES

WITH EGGNOG INSIDE.

EW!

YEAH. WELL, THA ONE REALLY DIDN' WORK OUT TOO WELL.

JEEZ. IT LOOKS

LIKE YOU WERE REALLY

INTO THIS STUFF.

WHAT HAPPENED?

R LISTENED TO ME.

NOT ONCE.

I MEAN, I KNOW MY IDEAS

AREN'T ALL GEMS,

BUT I HAD:

THOUSANDS OF THEM.

YOU'D THINK HE'D A LEAST HAVE GIVEN ONE

OR TWO OF THEM A SHOT.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S MY TURN NOW.

MY CHRISTMAS.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

MOVE IT ALONG:

HERE, MATE.

YEAH.

LOOK AT THAT.

YEAH! IT'S NICE.

HERE YOU GO.

WHOA!

[CRASH]

OH, MY.

HEY, BUDDY,

YOU NEED HELP.

A LITTLE HELP HERE.

PLEASE HELP!

HEH! HOPELESS.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

HI.

HEY, LUKE!

AHEM!

GOOD MORNING, TEAM.

I'VE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS.

MARY IS GONNA TAKE OVER

FOR THE BOSS THIS SEASON.

[SILENCE]

YEAH!

IT'S A TOUGH CROWD.

HMM! WATCH AND LEARN.

MARY.

THANK YOU FOR THA INTRODUCTION, GARY.

IT IS SO GREA TO BE HOME AGAIN.

UHH!

[COUGHS]

WHAT IS WITH:

THIS COFFEE?

OH, IT'S

HOT COCOA.

UGH!

[CLEARS THROAT]

I KNOW MY FATHER HAS

TREMENDOUS RESPEC AND ADMIRATION

FOR EVERYONE HERE,

BUT I CAN' HELP BUT THINK

THAT WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN

A UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY

TO MOVE THIS OPERATION

OUT OF THE 12th CENTURY

AND INTO THE 21st.

ISN'T SHE BRILLIANT?

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