Santa Baby Page #3

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WE ARE GOING TO HAVE...

THIS SHOULD BE:

INTERESTING.

...AND I WANT TO HEAR

SOME NEW IDEAS.

ALSO, I'LL NEED DAILY

PRODUCTIVITY REPORTS,

AND I WANT TO SEE

THOSE NUMBERS GOING UP.

SKIP. WHERE'S SKIP?

YOU'RE IN WRAPPING,

RIGHT?

UH-HUH.

I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO

MOVE HALF YOUR TEAM

OVER TO PRODUCTION.

AT THE END OF THE DAY,

WRAPPING IS EXPENDABLE.

BUT I LIKE WRAPPING.

IT'S NOT ABOU WHAT WE LIKE.

IT'S ABOUT VOLUME,

PEOPLE.

LET'S BE PROACTIVE.

LET'S THINK

OUTSIDE THE BOX.

LET'S TAKE THE "ELF"

OUT OF "SELFISH"

AND MAKE THIS THE BES CHRISTMAS EVER!

[CLAPPING]

[EVERYONE ELSE SILENT]

YOU CALLED FOR ME?

YEAH, GARY. I'M GONNA

NEED YOU TO GE THE MOST RECEN PRODUCTIVITY REPORTS.

BUT SANTA NEVER ASKED

FOR THE--

SANTA ISN' IN CHARGE. I AM.

PRODUCTIVITY REPORTS.

GO!

UH...OK.

[SIGHS]

ALL RIGHT. LET'S FOCUS.

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTAN JOB FOR YOU.

I'M GONNA NEED YOU

TO GO OVER THE LIST.

THE LIST? WHAT LIST?

THE LIST.

I'M GONNA NEED YOU

TO CHECK IT...

AND THEN:

CHECK IT TWICE?

BINGO! BE THOROUGH.

[SIGHS]

DONNA, I'VE WAITED

SO LONG FOR THIS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RINGS]

HEY, BABY.

HEY, HOW'S YOUR DAD?

OH, HE'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, HE'S A PAIN

IN THE NECK,

BUT THAT'S PRETTY MUCH

PAR FOR THE COURSE.

I'M GLAD TO HEAR

HE'S OK.

WHEN ARE YOU:

COMING BACK?

YEAH. UM...

I'M GONNA BE UP HERE

A LITTLE LONGER:

THAN I THOUGHT.

MARY?

THERE'S SOME STUFF

I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF.

OH.

WHAT?

WELL, I SORT OF

TOLD THE BOARD:

THAT YOU'D HAVE

THE SPOTLIGH PRODUCT TEST BACK

BEFORE CHRISTMAS,

BUT I GUESS I CAN

GET THEM TO WAIT UNTIL

AFTER THE FIRST.

NO. NO, GRANT, I'VE HAD

SOME STUFF SHIPPED UP.

YOU KNOW ME.

I CAN MULTI-TASK.

OH, THERE--

UH, GRANT, LISTEN,

I GOTTA GO.

CAN I CALL YOU:

TONIGHT?

ALL RIGHT. KISS, KISS.

BYE.

WHAT'S UP, GARY?

I COULDN'T FIND ANY

PRODUCTIVITY REPORTS,

SO I BROUGH CANDY CANES INSTEAD.

OK, THEN.

SO, SERIOUSLY,

HOW ARE WE GONNA DO

THE PRODUCT TESTS?

[SIGHS]

HEY, GARY?

YEAH?

I NEED YOU TO ROUND UP

SOME OF YOUR BUDDIES

AND MEET ME:

IN THE BREAK ROOM.

CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

YOU BETCHA!

HERE WE GO. THESE ARE

YOUR COMMENT FORMS,

AND I'LL BE PICKING

THEM UP AFTER WE'RE DONE.

OK, GANG, LISTEN UP.

OUT IN THE REAL WORLD,

WE HAVE SOMETHING

CALLED FOCUS GROUPS.

TODAY, I'M GOING TO

NEED YOU TO BE:

MY FOCUS GROUP:

FOR A PROJECT I'M

WORKING ON BACK HOME.

YES, LUCY?

IS THIS LIKE:

MAKE-BELIEVE?

YES! IT'S EXACTLY

LIKE MAKE-BELIEVE.

YEAH!

EXCELLENT!

WHAT I NEED IS FOR YOU

TO PRETEND:

TO BE CONSUMERS:

WHO MAY OR MAY NO BE INTERESTED

IN SOME OF THESE THINGS.

SOUND LIKE FUN?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GET STARTED.

OK. UM...SKIP.

IF I GAVE YOU:

THIS TOASTER,

WHAT WOULD YOUR:

REACTION BE?

YOU'RE GIVING ME

THE TOASTER? ME?

FOR RESEARCH:

PURPOSES, YES.

OOH!

OOH!

[GASPS] WHY...I...

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT TO SAY.

I LOVE IT.

GOOD.

AN HONEST REACTION.

OK. WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU

LOVE ABOUT THIS TOASTER?

WELL, I MEAN,

THE FACT THAT YOU

GAVE IT TO ME.

I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE

THE HAPPIEST DAY

OF MY LIFE!

[CHORTLES]

[EXCITED REACTIONS]

[LIGHT APPLAUSE]

I HAVE A TOASTER!

YEAH!

COME ON!

YEAH!

FOCUS, GROUP.

FOCUS. FOCUS.

FOCUS.

CAN ANYONE TELL ME

WHAT QUALITIES THEY

LIKE ABOUT THIS TOASTER?

NN-YES! NN-YES!

BESIDES THE FAC THAT IT CAME FROM ME.

OH.

OH.

OH.

YES.

UH...

IT'S SHINY.

OH, YEAH.

GREAT. OK.

YOU PREFER THIS DESIGN

OVER, LET'S SAY,

THIS RED ONE?

OOH,

A RED ONE!

[GASPS]

WHO WANTS RED?

LET ME TRY THAT ONE.

PLEASE, GUYS.

EXCUSE ME.

I AM THE SENIOR:

ELF HERE. OH!

TALK ABOU GLASS HALF FULL.

TRY BRAIN HALF FULL.

[RAISING AND

LOWERING LEVER]

Mrs. Claus:
LUKE,

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

Luke:
NO PROBLEM.

OH, COULD YOU BE A DEAR

AND HANG THIS ORNAMEN UP HIGH FOR ME?

THE ELVES ARE NO HELP.

YEAH. SURE THING.

LET ME JUST MOVE THIS

LADDER OUT OF THE WAY.

GOOD THING I CAME

ALL THE WAY IN:

FROM TOWN, HUH?

[CHUCKLES]

IT WAS SO NICE TO SEE

YOU AND MARY TOGETHER.

DOESN'T SHE

LOOK DARLING?

MOM, YOU WANTED

TO SEE...

OH, MARY! HELLO!

LOOK WHO'S HERE.

HEY, LUKE.

HEY, MARY.

SO, WHAT DID YOU WANT?

THE ELVES GAVE ME

THIS NOTE.

OH, HEAVENS,

I CAN'T REMEMBER.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR

FATHER'S LUNCH.

[LAUGHS LIGHTLY]

IT'S NICE.

ISN'T IT, THOUGH?

[LAUGHS]

LUKE, I--

MARY--

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

GO AHEAD.

NO, NO, NO.

IT WAS NOTHING.

YOU--YOU GO. YOU GO.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY

THAT IT WAS GREA TO SEE YOU

AND THAT I'M SORRY

ABOUT--

HEY, LOOK,

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

IT'S OK.

REALLY?

YEAH.

IT'S FORGOTTEN.

[LAUGHS]

SO, I'VE GOT TO...

I SHOULD, UH...

I SHOULD GET GOING.

OK.

GARY!

OH, HI!

OH!

[SIGHS]

OH. UH-OH.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[GRUNTS]

ONWARD!

WHAT? WHAT'S

THE HOLD-UP?

HOW THE HECK:

DO THE REINDEER:

DO IT?

I HEARD THAT.

NICHOLAS!

WHERE DO YOU:

THINK YOU'RE GOING?

THE DOCTOR SAID REST!

DOCTORS--

WHAT DO THEY KNOW?

IT'S LEECHES ONE CENTURY,

LOW CARBS THE NEXT.

I'VE NEVER TAKEN

A CHRISTMAS OFF,

AND I'M

NOT ABOUT TO START NOW!

AND HERE I WAS,

THINKING THIS YEAR

WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

GO, GO, GO, GO!

I SUPPOSE YOU JUST LIKE

SEEING ME LAYING AROUND

ALL THE TIME,

IS THAT IT?

NO, BUT I LIKE

HAVING MARY HOME.

MAYBE INSTEAD OF GROUSING,

YOU COULD TRY:

SUPPORTING YOUR DAUGHTER.

YEAH.

[MAIL CLATTERS]

"DEAR SANTA CLAUS,

"I REALLY WOULD LIKE

A HAMSTER.

"MY MOMMY SAYS

I CAN'T HAVE A HAMSTER

"BECAUSE I ALREADY

HAVE A FISH,

"BUT I CAN'T CUDDLE

WITH A FISH,

"AND I WANT TO HAVE

SOMETHING TO CUDDLE WITH.

I LOVE YOU.

SIGNED, MORGAN."

[APPLAUSE]

"DEAR SANTA,

PLEASE BRING ME:

A BIG COLORING BOOK

AND ALSO..."

WOW! WHAT IS

THIS PLACE?

PROCESSING.

THIS IS WHERE--

SHH!

HE'S ALMOST FINISHED!

"...McGILLICUDDY

BEAR FOR ME."

[APPLAUSE]

READING ALOUD,

SORTING BY HAND...

COULD THEY BE ANY

MORE INEFFICIENT?

WE OUGHT TO DO:

SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

ANYWAY, THIS IS WHERE

YOU'RE GONNA BRING THE

LIST WHEN YOU'RE DONE.

GOTCHA. WAIT,

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OH, I'M GONNA SEE A MAN

ABOUT A CHIMNEY.

[APPLAUSE]

AH-CHOO! WH--WH--WHOA!

NO, NO, NO. YOU'RE

DOING IT ALL WRONG.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO

COME DOWN FEET FIRST.

I DID.

NO. GET BACK UP THERE.

LET'S DO IT AGAIN.

[GRUNTS]

I'M STUCK.

[SIGHS]

SHE'S STUCK.

SHE'S STUCK!

FIRE!

OH, MY!

GIVE IT HERE!

HOLD ON, GUYS. WAIT!

GARY! GARY,

WAIT! AAH!

[WHINES]

THERE IS NO FIRE.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,

LET'S GO!

OH!

OH, NO!

OH, NO!

NO!

PULL!

COME ON, BOYS!

PULL HER OU OF THERE!

[GROANS]

OH! UH...

WAIT, WAIT! YOU DIDN' EAT ALL THE COOKIES!

AND THERE'S MORE.

OH. THIS SHOULD

BE GOOD.

"STOCKINGS HALF-FULL."

MM-HMM.

OH!

"PRESENT ARRANGEMEN SLOPPY.

NO JOLLINESS."

JOLLINESS, DAD?

PLEASE.

COME ON, MARY,

THIS IS SERIOUS.

YOU'VE ONLY GOT 3 WEEKS

TO GET THIS RIGHT.

THANKS FOR THE VOTE

OF CONFIDENCE.

DID YOU EVER STOP

TO THINK THA THERE MIGHT BE

MORE THAN ONE WAY

OF DOING THIS?

I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS

FOR CENTURIES,

AND I HAVEN'T HAD

A COMPLAINT YET.

WITH THAT ATTITUDE,

THE WRIGHT BROTHERS WOULD

STILL BE MAKING BICYCLES.

YEAH. WELL, DON' GET ME STARTED ON

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