Saraband Page #5

"But you mustn't use her love.|You'll hurt her".

"That could be a permanent wound".

"That's why I ask|you to let her go".

"You shouldn't take|advantage of her kinship".

"Don't take advantage of her because|you're her self-proclaimed teacher.

"Dearest Henrik".

"You're so sensitive,|so considerate, so kind".

"I know it, without a doubt,|after so many years together".

"But you must be careful|not to burden Karin...

with the orphaned love that will remain|when I'm no longer there".

There's more,|but I don't want to read any more.

I can't.|It hurts so much!

I can hear my mother's voice!

Karin...

Why did you reach out to me?

- You're very involved.|- You could say that.

- And you know about granddads|plans. - He told me.

I don't expect advise,|I need to hear my voice aloud.

I believe things will|clear up this way.

Go ahead, speak.

- Mom saw.|- Yes, I think so.

And everything she warned|about has happened.

- I can't accept grandfather's|offer. - Why not?

If I leave Henrik, he'll die!

If I leave him, he'll die...|I'm sure about it, Marianne...

He doesn't even have|his orchestra anymore!

He can go on with his music,|but the county is reorganizing...

and dad will not be part of|the administration: he'll resign.

I can't leave him.|I'm so tired of him sometimes!

I know all the things|I can do in the future.

But mom is dead, and Henrik|can't manage his own life.

How do you think I'd feel with the|guilt if something happened to him?

My future and Henrik's|are entwined for now.

- At least you say "for now".|- Only for consolation.

- I want you to know that I don't|feel the same as you. - I know.

- Anna's love...|- That letter is love.

Isn't it?

I don't know.

EIGH - Back already? - There wasn't|much to do in Uppsala.

- Hi, dad.|- Hi, little Katja.

What score is that?

Bach's suites for cello!|You're mad!

Listen, Anderberg suggested|that you and I...

play a concert in November.

- It's very hard for me.|- We'll play together.

- What do you mean together?|- Like a dialogue, facing each other.

You'll play the parts you can handle|and I'll play the difficult ones.

Especially the prelude.|It'll be great!

- Which parts can I play?|- The Sarabandes, for example.

- It takes a lifetime to tame them.|- We have three months.

- And my audition?|- It's almost ready.

And students get permission|to play concerts.

I've spoken to Brtz.

It'll be good for the both of us,|now that I don't have the orchestra.

I won't even be the first|violin any longer.

- Dad! You must be furious!|- Perhaps.

But now I'll have|more time for you.

- I can help you better.|- Yes, of course.

That doesn't sound|very encouraging.

Hello, Katja, darling.

I have a feeling an|argument is coming.

- What's wrong, Katja?|- I don't know.

That is, I think I know,|but I don't know how to...

I know you've talked|to your grandfather.

- And with the b*tch, I mean Marianne.|- Yes.

- I see. You did it beautifully.|- I must decide.

- I thought you had already done that.|- No, you did it.

Really? I mean,|is that what you've been thinking?

Dad...|I haven't bothered to think.

I thought, "Dad knows|what's best for me".

Perhaps you've already made|up your mind, haven't you?

Will you accept your|grandfather's offer?

- Have you read this?|- I have.

- You read the letter that mom|wrote me? - It speaks about me.

But it was for me!|And you read it. Just like that.

Do you think that's all right|because it speaks about you?

If you're going to get so upset,|it's no use talking about it.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- I said I'm sorry, damn it!|- Why do you say you're sorry?!

Shall we get to work?|Or is there something else?

Dad...

It'll be painful.

For you or for me?

It may sound stupid,|but your tone frightens me.

I've made up my mind. For the first|time in my life it's my decision.

- But are you sad?|- Yes, I'm sad.

If you had told me you|had that letter from mom...

If you had let me read it,|maybe we could have...

You never told me...|You should have...

- Well, that's the way it is.|- How?

Next week, I'm going|to Hamburg with Emma.

She and I will be going to a school|for young orchestra musicians.

Claudio Abbado will come in|October and we'll go to Munich.

It's for young people from all over Europe.|You can't be older than 22.

Abbado will work with us for six weeks|and we'll play four concerts.

Emma recorded a video. She sent it|to the admission committee, as a joke...

We played Brahms.

Emma and I|got a letter...

which says the school accepts us.

That we're welcome.

And that...

That's exactly|what I want to do.

And it's exactly what|I've decided to do.

And the conservatory?

- How long is the Hamburg course?|- Two years.

Then there's a paid internship in|an Austrian or German orchestra

Three years.

- How will you pay for it?|- I have my inheritance.

- You've been thinking a lot.|- I told Emma it was useless.

That you had already decided.

God...

Oh God...

But dad, I don't want to...|I don't consider myself a soloist.

I want to play in an orchestra,|be part of a team effort.

Not sit down in a stage,|alone and exposed.

I don't want strangers to say|that I'm not good enough.

I want to decide my own future.|I want a simple life

I want to be... home.|To live a normal life.

Not a poor substitute for mom...

who gets your praise|for something I'm not.

It has to end.

And now it's ended.

At least,|give it the perfect ending.

What are you talking about?

Wouldn't you like to|play the fifth Sarabande?

- Right now?|- Yes, please.

NINE|CRUCIAL MOMEN He's here.

Thank you.

- Can I ask who it was?|- From the hospital.

Henrik tried to commit suicide.|With pills.

Then he cut his arms|and neck with a knife.

He's in intensive care.

Call this number and|ask for nurse Ingegerd.

- God. - They found him|at the last moment.

A certain Mrs. Berg|was walking by the house...

- and saw a naked person|on the floor. - God.

The door was unlocked.

She tried to wake him up,|but he was unconscious.

And bleeding. The ambulance|took 20 minutes. - My God.

I should call Karin,|but she's on her way to Hamburg.

Henrik systematically fails at everything.|He can't even kill himself.

- Say something, for God's sake.|- You want me to answer that?

- Whatever. Say something spontaneous|for once. - You can't.

Sometimes you act like|a forgotten character...

in some stupid old movie.

- You're not real.|- You don't say.

- Right now... no, let's leave it.|- No, go on.

Where did you gather|all this disdain?

I didn't remember you like this.

- Disdain?|- Yes!

I don't know. Any disdain|I have is for myself.

I don't know.|I never thought of it this way.

- And the poor boy?|- Boy?

Ah, Henrik. Maybe he realized|he was a lot like me.

I was never like him. So ridiculous|all the time. Obese and submissive.

He surrounded me with a sticky love.|I admit I ignored that love.

He was as dedicated as a dog.|I wanted to kick him, metaphorically.

- What will happen now?|- How will this affect Karin?

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