Saturday Morning Mystery Page #2

They're coming

this weekend, man.

They're gonna prove

that there's no ghosts.

Naw, Man.

Exterminados fantasmos, man!

I'm not working

here anymore.

This house

is f***ed up, bro.

What?

Come on.

(BRANCH CREAKING)

(OWL HOOTS)

(BRANCH SNAPS)

Hey! Pedro!

Come on, man! Please!

No more chupacabra,

no more spirito,

no more diablo.

Pedro!

Manuel?

Javier.

Sh*t!

(INDISTINCT VOICE

RASPING)

All right.

All right, you're

gonna be that way.

Be that way.

(MUFFLED LAUGHTER

COME ON OUT OF THERE.

COME ON OUT OF THERE, MAN.

(CACKLING)

All right, show yourself,

come on.

(LAUGHTER)

Whoa!

All right, where are you?

Come on out of there.

All right,

you gonna mess with me?

Come on out

where I can see you.

Come on, I'm ready for ya.

Let's go.

Let's go!

Come on, show your face!

Come on!

Aah!

(ALT ROCK MUSIC)

# Now maybe

# I didn't mean

to treat you bad #

NANCY:
All right. Old Kyser

place, let's talk about it.

Um, it was built in 1913.

There's been a history of some

reported Satanic activity

going on over the years.

Cult rituals,

that sort of thing.

GWEN:

What kind of Satanists?

Aleister Crowley

or Anton Lavey?

Uh, I don't think the bank's hip

to that sort of thing, Gwen.

Um, it sat vacant

for a little while

till the bank hired

some maintenance crews

and construction guys,

but they keep

getting scared away

because of all the weird stuff

that's going on.

Did they order a full

package or a half package?

Full package, baby.

Yeah. That's

my little saleslady.

(ENGINE REVVING)

FLOYD:
What's wrong, Chad?

Are you scared?

CHAD:
No, I'm just...

I'm having a little trouble

with the accelerator.

NANCY:
Is that

what that noise is?

Did you touch

the accelerator?

No, I changed the oil and

put, uh, antifreeze in it.

I didn't ask you

to change the antifreeze,

because it's

an air-cooled engine.

I...

Equipment, what do we got?

Um, we got tapes,

but we need a shitload

of nine-volts though...

It sorta...

It smells weird.

Chad, what are you doing?

Yeah, well,

we gotta pull over.

There's something wrong

with the car.

Hold on,

we gotta pull over.

FLOYD:
Where are we?

Wait, we're stopping here?

Ah, I hate this.

Sh*t.

I changed this.

It's antifreeze.

You, you put the oil in...

It's antifreeze...

You put oil in it.

FLOYD:
I don't

drive your van, man.

CHAD:
This is any car.

Any car is like this.

FLOYD:
No, man,

I fix robots, not vans.

CHAD:
Robots have

engines, don't they?

FLOYD:
No, they

don't have antifreeze.

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

Are you sure

you put it in here?

No, I mean, I put it

in front of this thing.

Ah, Jesus.

Are you on drugs, Floyd?

Well, that

doesn't look good.

Looks like you might need

some coolant or something.

Yeah, we've definitely

seen better days.

Be happy to take a look.

Officer, do you know how far

it is to the Kyser place?

Yeah, actually there's a

pretty good Mexican place

just up the road.

Um, they have

really good enchiladas.

And there's a pretty nice

little reasonable motel

that's attached

to it, so...

Oh, no, again, we don't...

We don't need a motel.

We stay the night,

it's what we do.

GWEN:
It's part

of our job, so...

It's like video surveillance

throughout the nighttime.

It's part

of our deliverables.

OFFICER LANCE:
Oh, yeah, I guess

they did mention something

about that, yeah.

I guess I thought...

I thought they would send...

maybe send someone with you,

like a security guard.

NANCY:
Oh, well,

that's not necessary.

We don't need that.

I mean, this is our job.

It's what we do.

GWEN:
Yeah, we can take

care of ourselves.

But, I mean, do you have

any sort of suggestions

or information that you think

we might need to know that...

LANCE:
I would suggest

staying at the motel.

Oh...

Yeah, I really don't

think they've told y'all

enough about the place.

So how long you been

into this paranormal stuff?

Oh, you know,

just, like, since college.

(GATE CREAKS)

I bet you wanted to be a cop

ever since you were a kid.

Ah, I don't know.

It's my job.

GWEN:
Wow.

NANCY:
Wow!

I mean, it's amazing.

It's all right.

NANCY:
This is beautiful.

CHAD:
This place is

totally f***in' haunted.

CHAD:
You think the water's

okay to drink?

Yeah.

Yeah, it tastes fine.

Maybe the guy from the bank

is here already.

LANCE:
Yeah, I didn't see

any other cars,

so I think you guys might

be on your own, actually.

Oh, that's fine.

That's

not a problem.

(SWITCH CLICKING)

I have a little bit of time.

I could show you around

a little bit if you want.

Yeah. Yeah, that

would actually be great.

I'm sure you'd be

better at it

than the guys

from the bank anyway.

Yeah, maybe.

You know, it looks

like the bank's

actually done a pretty good job

of cleaning it up,

because they want

to sell it.

But they can't keep

maintenance people around.

Hence, a pile of sticks

on the floor.

CHAD:
That's a pentagram.

Yeah, that figures.

Kids are always breaking in

here with their Ouija boards,

doing their

little ceremonies,

trying

to scare each other.

GWEN:
Do you know

what kind of occult practices

they're using?

Uh, sticks

on the floor, I guess.

Apparently, a place

is empty long enough,

they forget

it's private property.

NANCY:
Do you know

any actual history

about the place

that you could tell us?

LANCE:
It actually has a

pretty interesting history.

There are these people,

the Kysers,

buy the place

back in the fifties

after they come

into a bunch of oil money,

which they apparently

took as

some kind of sign

from God or something.

They have

this big conversion,

and they have some vision

that this is holy ground

or something,

so they buy the place,

put up a church.

What kind of church?

LANCE:
It was, uh...

It was Christian.

Did have a little bit of Eastern

religion mixed in there.

It was

actually pretty popular

with people from

the town for a while.

And then

it became unpopular.

NANCY:
Why is that?

LANCE:
Well, you know, some

of the people from town

got weirded out, I guess,

by the whole

Eastern religion thing.

People started saying

it was a cult.

It was around that time

that the county decided

they wanted to take

the land to build a mall.

CHAD:
That fireplace is

off the charts.

LANCE:
They had

a little school here

that went

with their church.

Wasn't bad.

Parents actually had me

out here for a little while.

You went to school here?

LANCE:
Yeah, I was in class

with their daughter Mona.

She wasn't a bad kid.

But, uh, yeah, until

my parents pulled me out.

Oh, yeah?

Why is that?

LANCE:
Well, supposedly the

Kysers were pretty nasty drunks

before their

whole religious conversion.

So I guess with the cult rumors

and the, uh, land dispute,

they, uh, got back

on the sauce,

and their kids

started showing up places

with weird marks on their

faces, sh*t like that.

So they liked

to party, huh?

You do the math.

LANCE:
Anyway, there's a really

cool staircase over here.

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