Saved! Page #4
to the kids instead of candy,
- Good one,
- That's awesome,
Hey, Iadies,
- Sorry, You got a second?
- Yeah,
Listen, I'm concerned about Mary,
Something's going on,
Yeah, me too,
Well, she's part of your posse,
and I think that you could help her,
I'm gonna need you to be a warrior
out on the front Iines for Jesus,
You mean Iike shoot her?
No, no, I was thinking
of something a Iittle Iess gangsta,
I need someone who's spiritually armed
to help guide her back to her faith,
to Iove and care
that only Jesus can supply,
- You down with that?
- Yeah, I'm down with that,
She's pretty vulnerable right now,
so I'm gonna need you to be extra gentle,
- Hurry! Hurry! Come on!
- I'm going! I'm going!
- Get her!
- Come on, Tia!
Stuff her in here!
Hurry up! Hurry Up!
In the name of Jesus Christ,
I command you,
Ieave the body of this servant of God,
You're performing
an exorcism on me?! Get off me!
Where are you going?
Get back here!
We've gotta
get rid of the evil in you,
- It's God's will!
- God's will?
- Christ died for your sins!
- Okay, wait a second,
Are you not gonna accept
our intervention?
You mean kidnapping? No!
You are backsliding
into the flames of hell,
You've become a magnet for sin,
We've all witnessed it,
Sure,
Veronica acting all pure,
at the Promise Maker's rally?
You are making accusations
as we're trying to save your soul?
Mary, turn away from Satan,
Jesus--he Ioves you,
You don't know
I am filled with Christ's Iove!
You are just jealous
of my success in the Lord,
This is not a weapon, you idiot,
What, did they send you to
strap me on the back of your scooter?
Scooter?
Mary, this is a Vespa,
And I don't know
what you're talking about, Hop on,
I'd ratherwalk,
Suit yourself,
She actually tried to exorcise you?
Yeah,
That was nice of her, I guess,
The way things have been going,
I probably should've Iet her,
Listen, Mary,,,
I want you to know that I don't think
Dean's sick or anything,
- Yeah, right,
- No, really,
Mercy House doesn't really exist
for the people who get sent there,
It exists more for the people
who do the sending,
So why were you at Hilary Faye's
when she was praying for Dean?
Honestly,,,
I thought you'd be there,
Well, thank you
for the ride, Patrick,
Any time,
Do you wanna go out sometime?
What--are you gonna
take me out on your scooter?
Come on,
I'm, Iike, totally adorable,
Besides,
it would drive Hilary Faye crazy,
I can't,
Will you be dating then?
Good night, Patrick,
Thank you so much,
You guys are so sweet,
You know what?
We need to,,,
We need to take a moment
who aren't as fortunate
to have the body of Christ
So, Iet's,,,
Iet's pray for Mary,
Lucky for me, at our school,
teen pregnancy was about as common
as the flesh-eating virus.
No one really
seemed to catch on.
AII right, students,,,
Except Cassandra.
,,,and we're going to continue
with the Beatitudes,
- Let's--Mary?
- Could I have a bathroom pass?
- Sure,
- Thanks,
BIessed are those who are persecuted
because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven,
BIessed are you when people
insult you, persecute you,
and falsely say all kinds of evil
against you because of me,
Excuse me,
It doesn't bother you to have
It's so bad for the baby,
I'm not pregnant, okay?
So, what's your plan?
It's too Iate for the big A,
You Iook Iike a smuggler,
I know somewhere you could sell it,
I'm not gonna sell my,,,
It's Dean's, isn't it?
You can't do this on your own,
Yes, I can,
No, you can't,
I thought it was,,,
,,,what Jesus wanted me to do,
That's pretty stupid, right?
It's not stupid,
- Yes, it is,
- It's not stupid,
If you're interested,
I know some people
who would pay a Iot of money
in a family way,
Oh, yeah?
How much money?
You need to get out of here,
Are we cutting?
- Should you be driving?
- What is it with you people?
You don't think
we can do anything, do you?
No, I mean, you don't have
your Iicense, do you?
No,
Here, Years of shoplifting
have taught me how to hide a bundle,
Did I ever tell you about the time
that I shoplifted a frozen turkey
out of a Piggly Wiggly wearing only
a tube top and some daisy dukes?
I can't pay for all of this,
Compliments of Hilary Faye,
and you turned him down?
The boy is a tomcat,
even if he is a big J,C, freak,
And, double-plus bonus,
I'm pretty sure he's not a mo,
He's Pastor Skip's son,
and I'm about to pop a baby out,
I should tell Patrick to act gay,
Maybe then he'd get a Iittle action,
Nice, very nice,
Does it ever bother you
that he can't walk?
He can't walk?!
No, I mean
it must be tricky, that's all,
I don't care,
- He gets me, and I get him,
- Cool,
- Hello, Iadies,
- Hello,
Check this out,
I got a candy bar
and a whole nickel,
Oh, Jesus,
Don't Iook now, but b*tch face
is here with your boyfriend,
Hey, guys,
Merry Christmas,
What's wrong with her?
It's nothing,
I just get this really Ieft-out feeling
around Christmas time, you know?
Jewish,
Well, if you decided
to accept Christ into your heart,
then you and your people
could join in on the fun, too,
We should go,
Bye, guys,
- Wait!
- What?
- You're right,
- I am?
I wanna join in on the fun,
I don't want
a Hanukkah bush this year,
I want a Christmas tree,
- You're kidding me again, right?
- I wanna get saved,
I want a relationship
with Jesus Christ, for real,
- Are you serious?
- Yes,
Okay, This is gonna
be pretty intense, Patrick,
I don't have all of
my equipment with me, but,,,
Okay, sit down,
First of all, we need to have you
confess all of your sins out Ioud,
Well, there's all the swears,
I mean, I have
And then there's the sex,
I mean, are we counting oral?
So, Christmas shopping
with Hilary Faye?
No, no, I just
ran into her here, honestly,
She's helping me pick out
some Iast-minute gifts,
- Come here, Sorry,
- What are you doing, Patrick?
I just wanna see what's in here,
- But--
- No, no, come on,
- We're not allowed,,,
- Just for a second,
- I don't think we should be in here,
- Yes, we should definitely be in here,
It's incredible,
I Iike you, Mary,
I really do,
Why?
You're beautiful,
And you speak for yourself,
God gave us all free will,
and that day
at Hilary Faye's prayer circle,
you weren't afraid to use it,
You inspired me,
You amaze me, Mary,
This is a bad idea,
I knew it,
- Wait a minute,
- You're not my type, Patrick,
Why?
Why not?
I'm sorry,
Mary, wait,
Thanks,
So, I duct taped a piece of rotten bacon
inside Hilary Faye's Iocker,
That's disgusting,
She made me Iisten to
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