Saving Santa Page #6

"Dear, Santa,

Too late!"

BERNARD:
Actually, it's not too late.

Who said that?

BERNARD:
Me, sir.

And you are...?

I'm... I'm the, um...

...chief inventor for Santech.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Put him down.

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

Chief inventor, are we?

Then you are familiar with

the secrets of this sleigh?

Yes, sir.

If I promised to show you...

Huh?

...would you release Santa?

I would be inclined.

Uh, may I?

(GRUNTING)

A little help, please?

I'm vertically challenged.

Oh!

The question on everybody's mind,

on your mind, your whole life,

was "How does he do it?"

How does one man

make it around the entire

world in one night?

Especially for someone like you,

who delivers packages all year round.

The answer?

Time travel!

(ALL GASPING) Time travel?

Time travel?

This is more fascinating

than I thought.

Mother will be pleased.

But... there are rules.

Do I look like someone who

concerns himself with rules?

Then let's skip those and get

to the good stuff, shall we?

I'm gonna need a volunteer.

- Me! Me!

- You're fired.

Aww.

Me! Me!

- You?

- Oh, yes please.

OK, Neville, I'm just gonna need

you to place your hand here.

Then... hope for

a Christmas miracle.

Oooh...

Feels time-travel-y.

Hold on.

That's my old home.

That's me.

As a young boy.

YOUNG NEVILLE:
Dear, Santa.

I have a secret Christmas wish

I know you know it well

It's something

that! want so much

I cannot even tell

If I believe with all my heart

I know it can come true

But if that never happens

Still I'll always believe

In you

Someone was listening

Someone was there

While you were whispering

Your dreams to the air

Someone was watching you

And someone can say

Your hopes and your dreams

aren't forgotten

They might just

all come true today

- Someone is listening

- I have a secret

- Someone is there

- Christmas wish...

- While you are whispering

- Something that! want so much

- To the air

- I cannot even tell

Someone is watching you

And someone can say

Your hopes and your dreams

aren't forgotten

They might just all come true today

Because you believe

I'm happy to say

Your hopes and your dreams

aren't forgotten

And when one day that happens

They might just all

come true today

Mother.

MOTHER:
Neville?

Your time is up.

Mother, what are you doing here?

You're not the only one that

can follow a bleeping blop.

Of course. Merry Christmas.

Don't you "Merry Christmas" me.

If this were a merry Christmas,

I would be poolside, getting a rubdown

from a muscular, Latin cabana boy.

Not freezing to death while my idiot son

wastes my time and fortune

looking for.. for...

Oh, my!

Is this...?

Indeed it is, Mommy.

Santa's sleigh, right here beneath...

Beneath your icy boots, yes, yes.

I've heard you rehearse that drivel

in the bathroom a million times.

Though, I must congratulate you.

For once, you've delivered.

So, you're... proud of me?

I'm not disappointed,

if that's what you mean.

After all, you're finally

following in my footsteps

and putting profits over people.

(CACKLES)

All of our aircraft will be

redesigned to these specifications.

Rudders and all.

St. Nick and his band of munchkins

will be obsolete when our fleet

of sleighs takes to the sky.

(CACKLES) Next Christmas, we'll be

cashing in on every Christmas wish.

And this place, it will make

a wonderful theme park.

Or perhaps a meat locker.

Instead of "Ho, ho, ho,"

they'll all be crying,

"Boo, hoo, hoo!"

(CACKLING)

Load up that sleigh and

whatever else you can find

and bring it back to the base.

The sooner we're out of this

candy cane nightmare, the better.

NEVILLE:
No.

What?

I... I said...

I won't do it!

Santa's sleigh will remain here,

where it belongs.

MOTHER:
What?

Why, you ungrateful,

you insolent little...

How dare you disobey me?

You're through, do you hear me?

The mind eraser?

- Good boy!

MOTHER:
- I'll see to it you don't

get a whiff of your inheritance

Not a penny!

You'll be delivering

crates of rubber ducks

to Siberia by the time

I'm through with you!

I'll have that sleigh stripped of

its secrets and sold for scrap.

Mother, I'm sorry.

What I meant to say was,

we don't need the sleigh.

We've got its secret right here.

Give it to me!

It's amazing!

It's extraordinary!

What does it do?

Turn it on and see for yourself.

(GASPING)

(SHRIEKS)

Where... Where am I?

Uh... Your retirement party, Mommy!

Congratulations on

so many glorious years

of dedicated service.

Oh, yes, my retirement party.

How silly of me.

Will someone please take

Mommy back to the base?

Who are you adorable little children?

I seem to have lost my cabana boy.

Santa, I'm so sorry

for everything I've done.

And you, little elf,

thank you for giving me

back my Christmas spirit.

Merry Christmas, Neville.

Merry Christmas.

Release everyone!

We're going home for Christmas!

(ALL CHEERING)

- Merry Christmas!

- Merry Christmas!

(ALL CLAMORING)

(GRUNTING)

So you're a Director of Droppings,

an inventor, a time traveler,

and an action hero?

What can't you do?

(GASPS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

WOMAN:
Good luck, Santa!

BOY:
Take care, Santa!

Everything is set for takeoff, Santa.

Not everything.

Now we have everything.

- We'd better get going.

- We?

If you're gonna be one

of my Santech inventors,

you need to see this baby

in action, don't you think?

Me? A Santech inventor?

You mean...?

I don't know how to thank you.

No need. You're going to

do great things, Bernard.

This was just the first of them. Ho, ho!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to you, Bernard.

Oh, can I geta hug, too?

We are go for takeoff!

(WHISTLES)

Ho, ho, ho!

Hang on! This thing

has a time machine on it

but no seat belt?

(LAUGHING)

Merry Christmas to all,

and to all, a good night!

BERNARD:
The present becomes the past,

every second of every day.

(SNORING)

But if we hold Christmas

in our hearts,

we have the power to

turn back time itself.

( ASHLEY TISDALE: "SOME KIND OF MIRACLE")

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